Bottomfeeder
by Leighwooddrive
Summary: "I won't accept your apology because you have a perfect life: friends, love, family, a warm bed, hot meals, and a good home. Yet you choose to make other's lives miserable so you can get off on it. What you and all of your cronies don't get is that us bottomfeeders don't need to be pushed down any farther, we're already at the bottom." Kim/Jared
1. Chapter 1

_Damn, it's cold. Thank goodness I am almost there._ I felt a sense of relief when I finally saw the front of the house. I wanted to quickly go through my nightly routine so I could get under my covers with a good book.

I listened to the sounds of the house but didn't hear anything. The car was here but that didn't mean my mother would be so I went in search of her. My mother, Ms. Connell was more of a child than mother. After being hit by a drunk driver, she was left with extensive nerve damage in her back. This injury let to her disability status but it also let to ironically a drinking problem. What pain killers didn't dull, she did with alcohol. I didn't know my father. My mother was never willing to share any information about who he was except that he wasQuileute. The birth certificate didn't yield any help either. The line for birth father was blank. I was definitely full-blooded Quileute but so was about seventy-five percent of the population of La Push is. My mother had curly hair with an oval face and a voluptuous body. I seemed to only resemble her in smooth, russet skin. I had to deal with long, thick straight hair that refused to curl despite all of my attempts. My face was square with a strong jaw line. I knew wasn't ugly or unattractive but definitely not pretty. Average seemed to be the best way of describing me. A body that was more athletic than womanly which went with my average height for most women, 5'3" so again nothing special.

"Mom….Mom?" I moved to the back of the ranch house pushed my mom's door all the way open. Only to find her mother unsurprisingly passed out on the floor. I blew out a deep breath then went to get her mother up in the bed at least.

After coaxing mom off of the floor, she would able to eat while propped up in the bed.

"Mom, Ms. Rainick, you know the lady from work, gave me some lasagna for us. I am just going to heat it up and bring it in. You need to eat."

She mumbled something and I left to begin my nightly routine: eat something for dinner, get mom to eat something, clean up the assigned room for the day of the week (Thursday meant the living room), lightly clean any other places that needed done, go through the mail, sort the bills, shower, check on mom, complete any homework, then bed. I like to lead a very orderly life. I had perfected it over the last three years. Being completely self-reliant was not something I wanted, it was required.

When my mother had first gotten medical disability, she was still a functioning member of the community. Her injury prevented her from working but she kept an orderly well-maintained home. The bills were paid, meals were cooked, the house was clean but all of that changed about three years ago. The alcohol she had once used to 'unwind' after a painfully day began to be a morning helper followed by a mid-day relaxing drink and it spiraled down from there.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I slammed down the snooze button and enjoyed nine more minutes of dozing. School was a complicated part of my life. As mother began to fall apart so did my friendships. They didn't seem to understand I was now the adult and trivial school drama didn't have room in my life. I couldn't 'hang-out', shop, date, or simply live the life of a normal teenager. I worked at the Goodwill in Forks to help make ends meet, took care of the entire household alone and took care of my mother.

I had gotten my mother to have certain bills directly taken from the bank account where her disability was deposited but I had to take care of the rest. She would often drink away the rest and pay for her gas and other stuff. Did she even realize that I had to pretty much pay for everything else? I doubted it but I knew that if I didn't then social services would end up on our doorstep and I would have to worry about foster care. I would drop out of school and work before I let that happen.

Warily I made way into the building. Mornings were my nemesis. Sunday was the only day of the week I didn't work and could take advantage of sleeping in, of course, my body clock always seemed to thwart that idea. I would without fail wake up around six. However, I refused to get out of bed until eight for the mere reason that I could stay in bed. I stopped at my locker and loaded up with the items for morning classes.

I won't say I was hated or disliked but more ignored. Often the entire day at school would pass without anyone saying anything to me even friends from childhood. It was a lonely way to exist but that's how it was. There was only a few that did chose to pay attention. Though, I wish they didn't. The so called 'popular' group seemed to enjoy making nasty comments about my clothes or anything else they felt needed pointed out. I was an easy target. I had no friends to stand by me or no older brothers to threaten so I had to deal with it on my own except when Paul was near.

Paul was not popular but he definitely wasn't a 'bottom-feeder' as I referred to myself. He was handsome and a star-athlete but he had a temper that turned some of the 'popular' guys off but the ladies seemed to love it. For some unknown reason, Paul always made sure others left me alone when he was in the same room. He rarely spoke directly to me but I knew he would help if needed. I didn't really know anything about him except that he lived with his grandfather but ever since he moved to La Push in the middle of ninth grade he had protected me. Paul was the one person at school that was safe and I loved him for it.

Waiting for first bell English to begin like all the others, I would study for any tests or quizzes that were coming up or read one of the books that I picked up from work. People were always donating the latest titles that I got for a dollar. Of course, HE would stroll in with one of the wonder twins hanging on him. He was Jared Cameron. He was everything that I knew I would never have. Strikingly handsome, popular, funny, smart, athletic, and loved were just a few of the attributes I had witnessed or built up in my mind. What teenager girl won't love the tall, dark and handsome guy that sat in front of her for years? It was easy to secretly stare and dream naughty dreams of him. Those daydreams were my sad, sick escape from a crappy life.

I glanced up and made eye contact with Jared. His smirk was cocky and unattractive. I turned away before one of the wonder twins noticed.

"You have got to be kidding me?" a nasally voice rang through the room, clearly Cindy.

I ignored her and acted like I was busy reading. Of course, she had to saunter over.

"Do you TRY to look mousey? Because you have it perfected! It looks like you are going for the…homeless look or what." She giggled at her own joke. "Well, considering where you live it's about the same." I just had to look up and make it worse. She laughed and hung herself off of Jared who chuckled along with her.

Paul must have walked in at the end, "Sit the fuck down Cindy, you are not as funny as you think."

She turned and scowled at him then had to giving me a challenging look before sitting down. She knew not to mess with Paul. He was gifted in the art of verbally tearing someone a new 'one.' Jared didn't give me another glance and sat down heavily in the seat in front of me.

Jared had never personally attacked me or participated but he did seem to be amused by my attackers. The bell began and ended uneventfully and lunch quickly approached. Lunch was the double edge sword. I qualified for the free lunch program but couldn't stand to eat liquefied meat or hard rubbery chicken. I would grab the fruit or over-cooked pasta but eat both within five minutes to escape the torture of the lunchroom. I went to the library on rainy days and the front steps on non-rainy ones. Using whatever book I was reading as a shield to prevent others from making eye contact or anything to attract attention. Today, however, I wrote the grocery list for the next two weeks. I had gotten paid and withdrew everything I made the previous two weeks so I could catch up on some hygiene and cleaning products that were running low and I was going to drop off the water and sanitation bill in the drop box outside of the county treasurer's office.

Last class finally, I could almost smile that I was out of here. I spend few minutes before class going over my list. I worked till nine then I had an hour before the La Push grocery closed before walking home. I had bought one of those old lady grocery carts from work to help me lug home my purchases. Hopefully, my boss, Mrs. Rainick hadn't forgotten it was mine. I left it in her office so I could pick it up before heading home and the store.

Our Spanish teacher, Ms. Lopez called the class to order and I swiftly tucked the list inside my satchel. The class dragged on. Unfortunately, our teacher thought it was a great idea to orally practice our Spanish.

"Okay guys, I want you to turn to the person behind you and have a discussion regarding what you did this past weekend. I suggest you keep it appropriate. I'll be walking around listening for correct verb usage and pronunciation. Alright get to work."

Unfortunately, the person that sat in front of me was Cindy Martin, one of the evil twins. She and her friend, Lisa felt it was their duty to humiliate and pick on me. Of course, she was also dating Jared.

Before she turned around I got to hear her groan with displeasure in having to converse with me. She looked at me with distain, "This should be pathetic."

I decided to suck it up, I got fifteen minutes to go. " ¿Cómo fue tu fin de semana?" _How was your weekend?_

She looked like I had just lost my head, "UH?"

"It means, how was your weekend?"

She rolled her eyes, "Bien." _Good_

Okay, so now I am done with the conversation, I tried to rack my brain for something to say just as Ms. Lopez was slowly heading our way down the aisle. "Mi fin de semana fue muy buena." _My weekend was good too._

"What the hell are you talking about?" She scowled at me.

"I said that my weekend was good too."

With more of a New York accent she asked, "¿Qué haces?" _What you do?_

She, of course thinks that I am pathetic and she sounds like she should be in Spanish 1 not 3.

"He trabajado." _I worked_. I figured that if I simplified my sentence then she could get it. I figured wrong.

"Work?"

"si" _yes._

"dónde" _Where._

Oh crap, this was something that I don't want her or any of her cronies to know. I can only imagine the harassment I would get if they knew. Ms. Lopez was making her way directly towards us now.

"Trabajo para una empresa sin fines de lucro en las horquillas." _I work for a non-profit company in Forks._

I smiled as the teacher heard me reply. It was obvious that Cindy was not surprisingly clueless. Ms. Lopez turned to hear her reply.

"Uh, bien?"

Of course, she tried to turn it back to me so I played it right back.

"¿Qué hiciste?" _What did you do? _She couldn't complain. I threw her a bone and kept it simple.

Again, Ms. Lopez turned to Cindy again, waiting for her reply.

It looked like she was about to explode. I knew she cheated on everything we did but did she really not learn ANYTHING in the past three years?

"Ms. Martin?"

Cindy continued to scowl at me.

Ms. Lopez let out a breath. "Cindy, I am not sure you are ready for Spanish 3 if you are struggling with such simple phases. I'll be keeping a close eye on you and I might have you come in for before school tutoring if needed." Then she continued down the aisle to the next group.

I knew I was going to pay for this and it wasn't going to be pretty. Luckily, the bell rang and I darted out of the classroom but in my haste I dropped my satchel just outside the classroom.

That was all Cindy needed to pounce. She picked up my bag as I grabbed my keys and pencils that skid out.

"What is this? A diaper bag?"

I didn't reply and held out my hand to take it back from her.

She giggled, "I don't think so. I think you need to learn to stop fucking with me." She began walking away.

Panic ripped through me. My cash was in there. "Cindy, give it back. I need it." I grabbed for my satchel in one last attempt to get it back but was quickly shoved back into a set of lockers by a heavy hand causing me to cut my forehead off a hinge. I looked up and saw Jared smirking down at me.

Now she was really enjoying herself. The hallway was now crowded and her friends were enjoying my panic. Jared seemed to be the loudest one laughing. It was a knife in my already panicked heart.

She threw the bag to him then tucked herself under his arm.

"Next time, don't fuck with me." She laughed as she turned towards Jared and walked down the hallway towards the exit.

I was numb. What am I going to do? If I go to the office and tell I'll get my bag back but that doesn't guarantee my money and then the tormenting will escalate. Stupid….Stupid…. I should know better than to bring that much money to school AND keep it in my bag. I walked dejected out the building and towards the public bus stop. I am numb but my mask was firmly in place but underneath I was frantic. Crying would only publicly display my feelings of despair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all of those that read and reviewed. I have enjoyed a lot of stories on this site. It is easily noted that I am not a great writer but like most people on here I do this mostly for myself. **

**Kim isn't going to readily accept Jared in this story. He is going to have to prove himself to her. Like any self-respecting woman should insist! Paul will become an important person in her life. He is a perfect fit for a girl that needs a good friend.**

**For those of you which are not familiar with Goodwill. It is a non-profit organization (charity) that ****that provides job training, employment placement services, and other community-based programs for people who have disabilities, lack education or job experience, or face employment challenges. They get funding through cash donations and thrift stores. In other words, a very 'uncool' place for a teenage girl to work.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

Chapter 2

I sat on the bench completely blank. Fifteen minutes later the bus to Forks pulls up. I climb the stairs and look at Henry, the week day evening driver, and I realize my three hundred and seventy-five dollar bus pass was also in my bag. It has now gone from bad to worse. I look at him and don't know what to say. My mouth hanging open must be a good indicator to him that I forgot my pass. He chuckled.

"Did you notice you got a little cut on your head? Here take a tissue and band-aide. Did you forget your pass?" He smiles at me.

I slowly start to shake my head but he just waves me back. Making my way to the back of the nearly empty bus allows me to quietly cry without others knowing.

I am dreading work. How am I going to hold it together? How am I going to get home? The only thing I have is two pencils and luckily my keys.

As the bus pulls up to the stop I make my way to the front. "Um Henry, do you think I could get a ride back even without my card tonight?"

He gave me a friendly smile, "Of course honey. I wouldn't leave my favorite passenger stranded."

I give him a small smile back but I know it didn't reach my eyes.

He pulls together his brow, "Ya okay kid?"

Smiling again, "I am, it's just been one of those days. Thanks."

I descend the stairs and make my way to work. Hopefully, no one will really bother me about my band-aide. I quickly try to pull myself together before I walk in. If I don't they'll try to help me with my problems even if they are needy just like me. I can't do that to them.

I must be getting better at acting than I have before. Luckily, it was Karen's birthday so I got to enjoy a piece of homemade, not the box stuff, cake that Miss Patty brought. At least I didn't have to worry about dinner for myself tonight. I made it back to the house in pretty good time. My mom was passed out on the couch tonight. Obviously, she decided to have a Meg Ryan marathon because all of her DVD's were scattered about. I have some leftover taco meat from last night that I could get her to eat. For the next two weeks, I wasn't so sure about. Another priority had to be the bus pass though. Hopefully, they'll issue me a new card if I tell them I lost it.

I need to go through my budget to determine where I can cut corners to make it through the next two weeks. I might need to pawn some of my grandmother's jewelry to pay the water bill that's due Monday but I hate paying fees to get it back. I was going to sell them when I worked on the roof this upcoming summer. If I have to pay for a new bus pass then I'll have to drip into my roof fund or just pay as I go. The pantry will have to be inventoried to plan out my meals as well. I just might have to really eat the school lunches to ensure my mom doesn't go without.

As I prepared dinner for my mom I could feel my tight hold on my emotions slipping. Sucking it up was something I had learned to do a long time ago. I needed to get through my nightly routine with the exception of homework. Those items I am sure are long gone. Instead I'll be rummaging through my old items to come up with the supplies I'll need. It was going to be a long night of crying, worrying, and planning. Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep.

The only reason I was going to school today was for the free lunch. The thought of facing Cindy and Jared was torturous. I need to make sure I have my mask firmly in place before I face them.

At least I was in luck, Cindy just smirked at me and raised her eyebrow as if to challenge me. She knew that wasn't going to happen and she seemed to revel in it. Jared just went back to his usual ignoring me.

What is wrong with me? I want a guy who wouldn't even acknowledge my presence except to shove me when I am the center of the joke. For as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling deep down that I should be with him. Where these feelings came from were beyond my comprehension but they were there. It seemed to hurt me when he would kiss or touch other girls. It wasn't jealously more hurt than anything and unfortunately they seemed to be growing with each passing year.

Even with Cindy and Lisa's bullying, Jared's behavior was the most damaging to my self-esteem. Sitting on the school steps after inhaling a disgusting turkey sandwich, I realized that my depression was starting to creep its why back into my heart like it had in the past. I had always worked through it and looked to the future without high school as a goal. My life centered on inching towards leaving here with each minute, hour, day, month, and year. Unfortunately, with my present state, it was a lifetime. La Push didn't give me what I want the most, a safe, happy, loving home. I would find those on my own outside of this place because here it only held pain, loss, and loneliness.

I got up and started walking towards the tree line to the right of the building. I had skipped classes or all day periodically throughout the school year but I was a great student. I knew no one would notice except for Cindy or Lisa but for all the wrong reasons. I needed to go to my lookout. There I could cry as loud as I wanted without an audience. That's exactly what I needed today. I had been holding on so tight for so long that I never took the time to mad or cry over my life. This was long overdue and I was going to spend the rest of the afternoon until work doing just that. My life sucked and I deserved to get out all of those feelings.

A good two hours later, I was exhausted from my breakdown. My dirty PE shirt was even more disgusting since I had used it for a tissue. I was now sitting slumped against a rock that overlooked first beach in the distance. It was so peaceful here and helped calm my tortured soul. Closing my eyes, I let the sun dance over my face between the cracks of the leaves above. Releasing all of this frustration, unhappiness, and desperation gave me the strength to continue on. I need to let Jared go and begin healing. It is damaging to the soul to have feelings for someone who clearly didn't care or even respect me as a person back. If I didn't stop then it would slowly kill me.

**Sorry that it's a short chapter. I needed to do a bit more character and story development before the imprint. I promise the next chapter will include a lot of drama and much longer. **

**I will be updating regularly since I have already written most of the story already. I will probably update Sundays and Wednesdays.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone that read, followed, favorite and reviewed. I hope this makes up for the short chapter last time.**

Chapter 3

Two weeks, I wish I could say I didn't notice but I did. Jared was still not at school. I did get to enjoy Cindy looking like a lost puppy without him. She wasn't as brazen as she had previously been. It was a nice break from her nasty comments every moment. Paul hadn't been in either. I didn't even realize I would miss him until he wasn't there.

I was starving, not literally but more protein based foods more like it. The groceries were practically gone. My mom and I had eaten Ramen noodles for the last four days straight. I could have kissed Miss Patty from work for chicken parmesan Saturday night. She'll never know how much I enjoy every little bite of it. I even licked the plate. I just seemed to have an empty feeling all the time now. Clearly I am just not getting enough nutrition lately. Even the terrible school food I was swallowing still left me with an empty feeling.

Friday was finally here and THIS Friday meant payday. I had been lucky that getting issued a replacement bus pass card had only cost me fifty dollars out of the money I got from the pawn shop. I volunteered to work an extra day to help make up for some of the money lost. If one thing I learned from the Cindy and Jared incident was that all highly important items needed to stay on me. I had officially become an old lady that stuffed her bra with money. Not that I had the cleavage to hold it but I did tuck in down the sides. I already planned on buying some sports bras in the future so I could hold more. I rushed into my first bell class happy to finally get the day over and get my paycheck cashed evening during my break. I was definitely going shopping for some decent food. The emergency food supply would need replenished but I couldn't be happier.

I did notice that the school was buzzing like bees over the return of Jared and Paul. Neither of them had been heard of since their absence. Spotting them down the hallway this morning, they seemed to have transformed those weeks they had been out. Both had at least grown 8 inches and amassed a lot of muscle. And more importantly to most of the population was Jared had completely cut off all communication with his friends. He ignored them and their questions and had firmly removed Cindy from his arm. Paul and him had never been good friends but were obviously quite close now. I did the best I could to squash my feelings. However, when I did catch a glimpse of them in the hallway I couldn't but help enjoy their new look.

Like the beginning of each first bell, I was enjoying a book that I had picked up at the library yesterday. I smiled to myself as I was completely engrossed in the story. It was a wonderful escape. I was temporally interrupted when I noted that someone had heavily plopped themselves in the chair in front of me. I still chose to continue reading in hopes of finishing the chapter before class started.

"Hey, do you have a pencil I could borrow or keep?"

I had clearly heard the question but knew it wasn't directed to me. I kept my nose deeply buried into the book.

"HEY, did you hear me?" Whoever was talking was quite close, so I looked up to figure out what the problem might be.

It was definitely a mistake, Jared was leaning close to me and he had been the one asking ME. When we made eye contact, I felt like all of those talks with myself were worthless. I was right back to where I had been. Jared was a light and I was a moth buzzing around him. Yet years of practice had paid off. I made sure my mask was tightly in place.

Jared though seemed to begin to melt right before my eyes though. His hard eyes softened and his whole body started to lean towards me with a dreamy look. This completely caught me off guard. I quickly pulled myself back from him and picked up a pencil and threw it on his desk.

That's when I heard the most horrific laugh before me, Cindy and Lisa were standing next to my desk.

"Kim, thanks for the beer money. Travis even has extra leftover for tonight's party. Hopefully you'll be able to fund another one! Oh and by the way, if you still want your bag then you should be able to find it where you do all of your shopping…the county dump." She and Lisa began cackling with laughter.

I had been waiting for Cindy to attack me for the money that they had stolen. Obviously, she was feeling more confident to harass me with Jared there. I simply looked back down at my book.

Jared's newly gruff voice seemed to ring in my ears, "What are you talking about Cindy?"

Cindy felt this was her chance to soften him up and to get back with him. She sat on the top of his desk.

"Jared, you remember, when we took Kim's bag that Thursday. We used the money for Travis' party on Friday."

"_YOU _stole her money?!"

I internally groaned. _WHY? WHY? WHY can't they leave me alone?_

Cindy's face clearly indicated that she was annoyed. "What the hell Jared, YOU were the one that shoved her into the lockers cutting her forehead when she tried to take it back. YOU were the one that handed Travis' older brother the money! Where the heck do you think I got it? I pulled it out her bag when I was sitting on YOUR lap for gawd sakes."

_Oh crap._ Jared started shaking with a look of disbelief on his face. I had been trying to ignore them but it had gotten too loud and volatile. He suddenly jumped up, looked down at me then ran out the door practically slamming into the teacher. What the heck? Did Jared suddenly grow a conscious? Paul looked at me then was hot on his heels.

Cindy's mouth was dropped open just like mine. She turned to me and with a scowl, "Bitch!" and turned to go to her desk.

Mrs. Morgan had been startled by Jared but she quickly recovered and asked that everyone open our textbooks to begin the next section in trig. I tried, really tried to ignore the feelings flooding through me. I couldn't even really identify them but I just knew it was uneasiness. The empty feeling was there again but I had gotten used to it. Concentrating was more difficult than normal.

The morning classes went by slowly. I was actually looking forward to lunch, it was pizza day and IF they cooked it correctly then it wouldn't be so bad. Maneuvering through the hall was tricky but I always did so quickly for lunch. I could hopefully be one of the first ones in and out before even half of the cafeteria was filled. Just as I sat down at my usual seat in the front corner of the room to inhale the piece of pizza, I felt a heavy thud sit across from me, Paul.

I had never sat with anyone the entire three years I had attended high school. In fact, it seemed everyone purposely avoided sitting at the same table as me yet there were nine other seats. I even sat at an end seat. My mask didn't falter though. I looked up and nodded once then quickly began eating as fast as possible. I am sure it was quite unladylike but I wasn't willing to sit here any longer than possible.

Paul didn't say anything either. I never really paid attention to whom he had eaten with previously but there was one thing I could always rely on him for. I was always safe. He didn't talk to me but he never let anyone be mean to me either. It was his presence that had saved me numerous times since he moved here two years ago. And Paul sitting here wasn't a joke or to bother me, I figured it was to eat in peace just like I had always strived for.

As the crust of my pizza was shoved into my mouth, I stood with my tray to return it and head to the steps with my apple. I never questioned him on his motive to protect me, he wouldn't tell me even if I asked but I appreciated it every single moment he had. We had a quiet relationship which suited us just fine. In fact, if we had ever talked it would probably ruin it anyways, I was happy with it as it was.

Today was in the seventies and sunny, very unlike most days in La Push in the spring. I sat in the sun, enjoying every bit of sunlight I could. I put my headset on and listened to my Amy Winehouse CD and turned my face to the light. It was these moments when I could feel my soul escape the confides of my life. If I could only be at my lookout point, it would have been a perfect moment. When the warning bell rang, I reluctantly got up to head to my next class. I almost ran into Paul; who unbeknownst to me had been sitting towards the top of the stairs. I mumbled, sorry and quickly walked into the building again.

The rest of my classes were just as boring as they had been the day before. I took them seriously because I needed the grades for scholarships and getting into a good university. However, I still had to endure the teacher's constant monotone voice all day. Lisa had attempted to trip me on my way to Spanish but luckily Paul was there to keep me upright. It felt like he was everywhere today and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why, so I just let it go.

Spanish seemed to drag on the longest. I think for spite the clock refused to move any faster because I was watching it. Finally, when the bell rang it was a relief. Another terrible school day was finally over.

I sat at the bus stop a few blocks from school waiting for my ride to Forks. I was making a list of things that I had to pick up tonight on my way home so I could get through the weekend without another bowl of noodles. I really needed to make sure my mom had a good portion of protein this weekend. She had eaten very little these last two weeks at home. Who knows what she ate or if she did when she went out. But at home it needed to be improved. I considered stopping at the butcher after work on Saturday and get anything that he was willing to give me at a good price. I kind of laughed to myself as I considered taking hunting lessons so I could hunt my own protein source.

"Hi." I had noticed someone sit down next to me but that was really common this time of day so I didn't pay much attention. I was going to do what I always did, say hi back and continue on with my list.

I looked up with a small smile but that quickly dropped to my indifferent mask. Jared was sitting there with a sheepish smile and had his body turned to me. _Oh crap, what game are we up to now?_

I quickly looked back at my paper and started listing the items I would need from the dairy section.

"Hey, I uh…just wanted to say sorry about….uh…shoving you that day and the money. I didn't know or I …I didn't realize. Please let me know how much was taken and I'll make sure you get it back. If I would have known…." I again ignored him and kept writing. I wanted to so bad tell him all the stress and suffering I had endured to get that money. Yet they had no problem just poring it down their beer bong that night. It just made me angry. He had crossed a line that day that I couldn't excuse this time, I had to see it for what it really was. Jared had assaulted and stolen from me. People who do that don't change; they just get better at lying.

"Kim? It's Kim right? I want to be your friend and make up for what I have done wrong. Okay?"

I wanted to snort and roll my eyes but I had learned that a long time ago, if I did there would be hell to pay.

"Kim?" I kept going about my business.

"Please, please don't do this to me. I care about you and I need to hear you'll forgive me. I want to make it up to you. How about I buy you dinner? Or…or…we could just go for a walk…..I have a truck. I could take you wherever you want? Please Kim just talk to me."

When he went to touch my hand, I flew into a panic. People I don't trust aren't allowed to touch me. I scrambled away from him and my face had to clearly indicate I didn't want to be touched. When he smiled a softy and started towards me again saying that he was sorry, I knew it was a joke. He wasn't mournful of his actions not now or in the past. I could only imagine what the bet must be for him to actually be here. But I was cracking and the touching had taken my stress level to 10. He was winning now and I was slowly dying a little more. Why do they feel I am the punching bag for their sick jokes?

I couldn't handle this; I grabbed my stuff and ran. I could hear him calling me so my legs pumped harder. Whatever bet he would lose would be more ammo for Cindy and him next week. I can't live like this much longer.

I ran to the one place I felt happy, my overlook. Completely out of breath, I plopped down and began another embarrassing round of sobbing. What had I done in a past life to deserve this? My life was horrible enough without others bend on making it anymore miserable, so why me?

After a good 20 minutes of breaking down, I lifted my head to look out at the peaceful rolls of the waves below. However, I got to be humiliated some more. Jared was sitting on the ground near me. He even had his acting skills sharp because he looked like he was crying himself.

I scrambled to my feet and backed away from him. He quickly got up as well.

"Kim wait! Please don't leave. I…I really am sorry for everything. I need you to believe me. I don't even understand how I could have been that person. You are everything. You….You…are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I'll do ANYTHING to be in your life now."

As Jared was speaking I started to slowly back up farther and farther from him until I felt my foot slip.

"KIM!" Jared lunged to grab me but I automatically leaned back and fell down over the side.

It was so fast that I didn't even think that I was now falling to my death. My life didn't flash before my eyes I simply looked up at the treeline and sky until the slam of the water knocked me unconscious.

**First, I wanted to apologize for ANOTHER story where Jared imprints by asking for a pencil. I have read numerous stories in which they chose that route. However, I just seemed to fit really well so I went with it. **

**Lots of action next chapter! Update on Wednesday. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Pounding, something or someone was pounding in my head. I could feel that I was lying down but was scared to open my eyes, even the thought of opening them would cause me pain. I was becoming more conscious with each passing moment. That's when I could hear hushed voices talking quickly, the thought of being so vulnerable was scary. Making myself awake I raised my hands to my eyes to help awaken my body.

"KIM!" I heard the panicked voice of a man and I can feel that someone is close to me. Their body heat seemed to radiate off of them.

"Oh thank God! I was so scared." Again I can hear his voice and it's obviously upset and stressed.

Ugh, I can't concentrate with my head pounding. I need to get up and figure out what is going on.

I slowly open my eyes and they are filled with Jared's face. CRAP! I groan and close my eyes again. At least, I felt him move back some.

A woman's voice interrupts my inter-thoughts, "Kim, honey can you sit up?"

I can tell she is close and sounds familiar. Again opening my eyes I turn my head to see the girl from the grocery store, Emily, kneeling down next to me now. She's so nice to me, even waiting for me to finish shopping before closing up when the bus drops me off late.

I weakly smile at her and try to sit up. She quickly helps right me on the couch that I was lying on.

"Thanks," I am just able to wheeze.

Her soft hand brushes my hair from my face, "Tell me how you feel sweetie."

"Like I have a hangover and that's only based off a guess being that I've never gotten drunk before."

She chuckles quietly and sits down next to me. "Sam, can you grab two Motrin and a glass of water?"

That's when I realize I have an audience. Jared, Paul and another man I recognize but can't remember how. He must be Sam because he leaves.

"Um…where am I?"

Emily smiles, "You are at Sam Uley's house, I live here as well. You've been out for a while now."

I small panic runs through me, "what time is it?"

"About seven."

Seven? OH Crap! Work! I should be at work! I get paid today! Why am I here? Then it hits me, Jared. Again I won't eat dinner, I only have enough for my mom now. I just want to cry. Why is my life so shitty?

Obviously, I didn't use my mask because Emily begins to panic as well.

"It's okay. Are you missing something? I can or Sam can take you anywhere you need."

A loud objection sounds to the left of me, "NO! I'll take her." Jared is clearly pissed.

Sam yells from the entrance of the living room as he reenters with my Mortin, "Jared, talk like that again and you'll be on patrol for the next twenty-four hours."

Sam walks over to me and gives me the water and pills with a small smile then moves back. Jared's outburst has given me the moment to pull my mask down again. But I just get why I'm at Emily's.

"I got to go to work in Forks. I was supposed to be there at four. They are going to be so worried. I need to at least call."

Sam steps forward, "Kim I don't think it's a good idea for you to work tonight. You got a pretty good hit on the head and you're still damp from the water. Let me call, I'll explain for you." He is so authoritative that I feel like I should listen to him but I can't let Jared know where I work. He'll tell Cindy and it will be her 'new' joke. I don't think Paul would care. I trust him.

I shake my head no and look down. "What happened? How did I get here?"

I can feel everyone look to Jared when I suddenly remember what happened with him. I recall falling but that's it.

"I remember falling." Trying to avoid the 'joke' part but need to know why I am not dead.

"Umm…I jumped in the water and pulled you out. I brought you back here because I didn't know what to do. I thought Emily could help you." Jared was obviously uncomfortable, not that I really cared at the moment.

"Oh…uh thanks." I needed to get out of here but I just didn't know where here was. Obviously, I'm still in La Push but I don't know really know Emily. If I walk down the road I should be able to figure it out though. I know a lot of shortcuts through the woods to get me home faster.

I moved to get up and Emily stood to help me. A little wobbly but I could make it. "Thanks for the medicine. I got to get home and get changed and showered."

Jared quickly moved forward, "You can't leave! I've got to talk to you! I..I.. need a chance to really apologize. I need YOU to understand. Please, please give me a chance!"

Having a raging headache and having him AGAIN trying to feed me a line of BS, I lost it.

"No, you aren't getting a chance. You lost it when you assaulted and stole from me." My voice and emotions began to rise with each thing I said "You're the reason that my mother nor I have eaten a decent meal in over two weeks. You're the reason I had to pay for a replacement bus pass that you stole. You're the reason I had to pawn my grandmother's jewelry to have running water this week. AND AGAIN you're the reason why I missed work tonight. I was FINALLY going to get paid so I could get my mom something good to eat tonight but you had to fuck that up too. SO NO! I won't accept your apology because you have a perfect life: friends, love, family, a warm bed, hot meals, and a good home. Yet you choose to make other's lives miserable so you can get off on it. What you and all of your cronies don't get is that us bottomfeeders don't need to be pushed down any farther, we're already at the bottom. I will tell you what I really want. I want for you to stay out of my life. SO go to your kegger tonight, which I hear I'm paying for, and tell them you were right about just how pathetic my life is then Cindy and you can go fuck each other on that warm bed of yours!"

I had never ever verbally attacked someone but the years of quiet crushing on him then finding out he was just another monster was heart breaking. I couldn't even feel a little bit sad because it was all true and sometimes the truth hurts. Let him get this five minute flash of what I feel almost all of the time.

I was grasping for breath. My head was exploding due to my screaming. I turned to see Emily quietly crying into Sam's chest. That's when I felt bad. She didn't deserve to listen to my attack. Sam was giving Jared a hard stare. "Jared, go outside and pull it together!"

Jared's face was one of shock. I saw a tear roll down his cheek but he was shaking a lot and it was getting faster. Paul moved to him and pushed him towards the back door. It was what he needed because he ran quickly out the back.

Paul moved to me and softy took my hand and led me out the front door.

I was in a daze. He opened the door to a truck and helped me get up in. Of course, I did what I always do lately. I began to quietly cry.

"Where's your school bag Kim?" I had to laugh at the question.

"Well, according to Cindy the county dump but the one I've using since my other one was stolen is probably still on the cliff."

Paul slowly shook his head and started to pull out of the long driveway. He stopped the car not far from the house. "Stay here. I am going to go get it."

I didn't say anything but closed my eyes and rested my head on the glass. The tears had finally dried up. I must have dozed because I heard the door slam shut. "Here you go. I didn't see anything else so hopefully that's everything."

"Thanks."

"Where do you live?"

"Just off of La Push Highway past the stores, I'll tell you when you get close."

Paul started the truck without a word and headed in the direction of the small stores.

"About a half mile on the right, you'll see a faded red mailbox, that's entrance to my driveway."

We quickly approached where I had told him, "Thanks for my bag and the ride. You can just let me out here."

He ignored me and turned down the muddy driveway. It was pretty long but you could see lights in the distance. Hopefully, my mom won't be coming out to investigate who drove down.

As soon as he stopped I opened the door and went to jump out, "Wait."

I turned around. Paul never really spoke to me before.

"Kim, you will never ever have to worry about school anymore. I promise you that kind of thing won't happen again. If it does you WILL tell me and I will take care it. Promise me that you'll tell me."

I couldn't believe my ears and was in shocked.

"KIM, PROMISE ME."

His tone snapped me out of it, "I promise."

I had to ask, it had made me wonder for so long now, "Paul, why are you nice to me?"

My question, clearly caught him off guard, he looked at me for a moment then opened and closed his mouth a few times. Then with a determined face he said, "I was a bottomfeeder once too."

He turned back to the front of the windshield and I knew that was my cue to leave.

**Paul will become an important part of her life now. He is the only one that she really trusts. I am a big Paul fan and already have three Paul stories started. I just need to get past a bit of writers block in my first story. I need to decide in which direction I want to take the story then I'll be posting it as well. The other two are need of some serious story mapping before I even consider posting.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to everyone that read, reviewed, followed, and favorited! **

Chapter 5

As soon as I got into the house, I called work. I felt so bad for leaving them short-handed but as always they were more concerned about me. I made my mom what was left of the noodles from the night before. I was happy to see that she must have eaten some of them during the day as well. Afterwards, I finally got to get a shower. Throwing my clothes in the hamper, I sat on the floor of the shower and let the warm water wash over me. I needed Jared out of my life. He brought me feelings that crushed any hope of a future outside of this place. I know that life will get better but it just didn't seem like it would anytime soon.

After my shower, I went about my Friday night routine; starting the laundry, deep cleaning the bathroom, and completing my homework so I could have my Sunday free. When I finally got into bed I was exhausted and my head ached. My feelings were numb. There just wasn't anything left for me anymore. My eyes didn't have any tears left, it was just a dull nothingness left. When my mom had really taken the turn for the worst, I was panicked all the time. I had no plan to pay for food or bills. The disability check was small and the lawsuit against the dive bar and trailer trash drunk driver that hit my mother was worthless. I had moved about my freshman year in a state of nothing until I finally was able to make ends meet and the mortgage directly withdrawn. Numbness meant safe because feelings don't exist there. I could do that again.

So that's just what I did. The weekend was nice and numb. Going to work, finally getting my paycheck and going to the store, changing sheets, finishing all of the laundry, cutting the grass, etc. I always try to do as much as possible on Saturday. It meant that Sunday could be my one day of the week I didn't have work and housework. It was my day.

It was raining but I still decided to take a walk to the tidal pools. It was calming to lay on my side and lightly run my hand through the water. I didn't care if I got wet or dirty. It was a chance to enjoy the peaceful grace of the small fish. My feelings were right where I needed them to be, tucked away. I spent the rest of my day making a good meal. It was nice to finally enjoy eating something with taste.

Monday started off like any other week day. It wasn't until I got to first bell that I realized that I would have to face Jared again. However, my mask wasn't going to fall anymore. These past few weeks had helped me secure it tighter than ever. Cindy didn't say anything but she made sure to scowl as much as possible while sitting in class. Paul was there but like always he didn't say anything to me yet I could tell he was watching me at times and at least Jared was a no show.

I decided to just pick up my fruit allowance for the free lunch program. I could eat an orange on the front steps while reading. I allowed my mind to roam the words but nothing seemed to sink in. This was the negative effect of being numb. I couldn't enjoy things that normally let me escape my unhappiness. A bag lightly hit my arm, I looked up to see Paul standing over me.

"Why didn't you go to the cafeteria today?"

I was shocked for a moment, "Uh…I just got an orange then came out here. I wanted to enjoy the weather."

"Here," he handed me a bag, "eat this." I looked up at him confused. "Emily made it. If you don't eat it then she'll be mad at me and I never ever try to do that."

"Why would she do that? I don't really even know her."

"Because she's a good person and she won't stand by and not let you eat. You're lucky she didn't show up at your house this weekend."

I pulled my brow together, "I do eat."

I guess he wasn't pleased with my answer because he plopped himself down next to me. "NO, you don't."

I held up my orange, "What do you call this?"

"A snack. I know you're hungry. Remember I saw you eat on Friday."

I held out the bag to give it back to him, "I always inhale my lunch to escape the lunchroom."

He pushed to bag back at me. "Forget it Kim, you'll eat it or I'll shove it down your throat. You are too skinny. It's okay to have some meat on your bones, and you could use at least twenty pounds of meat."

"Are you saying I look bad?"

"NO!"

"Good, here." I held the bag to him again.

"I wasn't playing when I said I'll shove it down your throat. Eat it!" He sounded stern but I didn't feel threatened.

_So fine, I'll just take a few bites to shut him up and have him leave me alone again._ I opened the bag and I couldn't believe my eyes. Two roast beef sandwiches, a bowl of pasta salad, a bag of chips, an apple, an orange, a bottle of water, and Coke.

My eyes almost popped out of my head, "You're kidding right?"

"No, I already ate mine."

"Paul, I don't eat this much for a whole week."

"And there's the problem. Eat."

I gave him a small smile and I pulled out a sandwich. Okay, it did look delicious.

"Paul, I couldn't possibly eat all of this. I'll get sick. How about I eat a sandwich? You can eat the rest."

Paul just looked at me for a second then agreed. We ate in silence. When the warning bell rang, we both got up and grabbed our trash.

"Please tell Emily thank you."

"Tell her tonight when you come to dinner."

"Sorry, I work tonight."

"Fine, you can come tomorrow."

We walked back in the building, "I work every day but Sunday."

"Where do you work?"

"Forks."

"Where in Forks?"

I looked around quickly, "The Goodwill on Main."

"I'll tell Emily Sunday then." He quickly walked away before I could refuse.

I walked to my class wondering about him. Why did he hang out with me? He could have given me the bag then left. Paul had never been mean to me but we clearly had never been friends. I am not so sure about even him sitting with me. I don't sit with anyone. Tomorrow, I'll go to the library just in case.

Tuesday began exactly the same as Monday. A scowl from Cindy, a look from Paul and no Jared, I could handle this. Then it was time for lunch, I went directly to the library and sat in a comfy chair located in a back corner. I couldn't be seen unless you traveled to the back around a large bookcase. Pulling out my orange from yesterday, I started on my homework.

"Why are you in the library?" I loud voice startled me from English essay.

"UGGH…. You scared the crap out of me." Paul was standing in front of me with a scowl.

"Let's go!" Obviously, he was irritated.

"Paul, shhh, we're in the library."  
"I don't care where we are. I've been looking for you and I'm starving so let's go."

I stood slowly to talk to him, "I've got work to do and I've already eaten."

He reached behind me grabbed my binder and bag and started walking away.

"Hey!" I ran after him. "What are you doing?" Again he ignored me. How is this any different than what Cindy and Jared did? _Okay, a lot but what the heck!_ When we finally exited the quiet confides of the library, I needed to make it clear that he wasn't going to do this.

"PAUL!" He continued to ignore me. Then realizing I was doing exactly what he wanted me too; I stopped following him and turned into the girl's bathroom just outside the library. Once the door closed, I stuck my tongue out towards the door. I was not going to be manipulated. I used the facilities and took my time properly cleaning my hands. Having a feeling that he was just outside the door, I leaned against the counter and inspected my nails and pushed back my cuticles since they were nice and soft from washing them for a long time. After inspecting my work, I rewashed them to ensure they were properly clean.

I exited the washroom and leaning against the wall was Paul. He pushed himself off and walked over, "Have a good dump?" I almost choked. My mask was clearly in place though. He moved closer, "I won't fall for that again. Now you'll have to deal with Emily because I am not eating in the hallway again tomorrow." He handed me back my things and walked away just as the warning bell rang.

Tomorrow was definitely going to be more challenging if he thought he could just find me in the obvious places then he is going to find out just how well I can hide. I have been avoided others for three years now. In that time, I have perfected my ability to not be found in the school building.

I was rereading my trig notes when the first warning bell sounded. Almost anticipating the parade for the third day, I wasn't disappointed when I turned to see Cindy scowling, Paul smirking, and no Jared. Why is Paul smirking? But I wanted to smirk back because he won't find me today.

Fourth bell history usually wasn't bad, I enjoyed the stories and it was pretty easy. Mr. Calhoun's lecture was interrupted by the phone.

"Kim, your needed in the main office, let me sign a hall pass for you."

My mind wanted to freak out but my emotions were exactly where they needed to be; tucked in a little place nice and safe, until I was ready to deal with them.

Entering the office, I noted the secretary drinking her coffee like her life depended on it. Is that really just coffee? I walked up to the counter and quietly waited for her to notice me.

"Hi honey, are you Kim Connell?"

I gave her a small smile and nodded.

"Oh good, their waiting for you in the conference room." She pointed towards one of the closed doors.

I didn't like the sound of that but I squashed my feelings right down. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Come in."

As soon as I entered I saw our principal, Mr. Lingenfelter then was shocked to see Emily sitting there with her boyfriend, Sam.

"Miss Connell, you recognize Chief Uley and his fiancé Emily Young?"

Oh crap, Chief Uley, my mind is panicked but I still force my mask in position. Damn Jared! I could swear everyone in the room could hear my heart racing.

I gave them my signature smile and nod. Emily jumped up and encouraged me to sit down. Putting my bag by the door I made my way over to the table.

Emily smiled, "It's great to see you again Kim. You haven't been to the store this week."

"I stopped in Saturday after work but I guess I missed you." I smiled towards her.

Chief Uley didn't seem upset to see me so I was hoping this isn't going to be me somehow trouble.

Mr. Lingenfelter spoke up, "Chief Uley is making a new student group here in La Push. And you've been one of the lucky few that he would like to be a part of this group. How does that sound?"

Oh gawd, my life has become a tragic comedy. My mask was securely in place but what they don't see was that I was scared to death. What did they want from me? What am I going to do?

"Um... I am not sure. I…I…work a lot and won't have time outside of school but thanks for thinking of me. Hopefully, you've be able to find someone who can really help you out." I used my friendly voice that I could often get adults to easily listen to.

Emily continued to smile, "Oh please join Kim. We will be meeting during your lunch bell here so you don't have to worry about missing any work."

Mr. Lingenfeller felt it was his duty to answer for me, "Perfect! I think the old language classroom just outside the office would work nicely for you."

Chief Uley felt that WAS my acceptance, "Wonderful, I want the tribe's language, traditions and legends to be properly passed on to the next generation. La Push has always been lucky to have great teachers but very few are actually Quileute so they are unable to fully pass these on. Even though, Emily is from the Makah tribe she knows more about our traditions than most of our population. She is going to facilitate the tribal elders to come and speak with the group and mentor all of you."

Did a bunch of adults just bully me into being a part of this group? I don't like being manipulated and can be stubborn when I need to be. However, I would hate to upset the Chief. If he saw the tarps on the roof of my house and the fade, chipped paint it could become a real problem for my mom and I. That's the last thing I need.

In a small voice, "Okay."

"Wonderful!" Emily gushes. "I was hoping you would say yes because I wanted to meet with you for lunch today."

WHAM! And there it is….the reason why Paul was smirking at me this morning. I almost slapped my forehead because I didn't figure this out sooner. Paul's comment yesterday replayed in my ears _"Now you'll have to deal with Emily…"_ He really wasn't playing.

Chief Uley gently smiled at her, "Em, why don't you go have lunch with Kim while I discuss how we are going to handle homeschooling till the end of the year."

"Great!" Emily rose from her chair, I took that as my cue to get up as well.

I didn't say anything as the secretary showed us the mostly empty classroom next to the office.

"Here you go ladies. We'll have our custodial staff give it a good cleaning this evening so you make can this yours." She smiled and left us.

Emily went about pulling some chairs together around a table and sat down. She was a really nice lady but I don't do things like this so I just stood near the door.

"Well, come on silly. I brought us lunch." She placed two Tupperware containers on the table and proceeded to pull out drinks, utensils, etc. from her bag.

I used my small smile mask to not offend her but I was freaking out. Why did she go out of her way like this? She might have heard about my crappy life on Friday night but I got paid Saturday. Things were okay now. Jared wasn't here to disappoint me anymore, Cindy was leaving me alone, Paul was being weird but he's never mean, so I was dealing just fine.

A sat down but didn't say anything but that didn't seem to stop her.

"Here. I made ham last night and used the leftovers for sandwiches. Well, actually I had to save some of it because the boys would have eaten all of it. Leftovers don't really last past an hour at our place unless I threaten them."

"Emily, Paul's been giving me lunches Monday and Tuesday. He said they were from you. I qualify for the free lunch program so you really don't need to do it. I appreciate your thought and effort but I am good. I got paid Saturday so things are great now."

She gave me a knowing look, "I didn't go to high school here but all school food is the same. It might be okay for the boys but you can't eat that. Plus I am excited about having our meetings. Working at the store definitely has benefits when it comes to the grocery bill but here I'll get to do what I enjoy. I love talking about our heritage and uniting together to carry on traditions and stories of our elders. You're a part of the next generation of elders." Her face seemed to glow even with the scars on one side. She was one of the fortunate few that seemed to only get more beautiful with something that would completely destroy someone else.

"Kim, do you know the tribe legends?" She pushed a bottled water and sandwich towards me.

"Thanks. Um…just what they told us in elementary school and my Grandpa."

"Do you remember any specific stories?"

I had to really rack my brain because it had been years since I had been told or even thought of the stories.

"Ahh… Taka, the fishing prayers, the third wife…um I don't remember much. My Grandpa did a lot of tribal crafts with me like stripping bark, rope bracelets, and paddles. He gave me a lot the stories behind how our people used those items."

"OHHH that's wonderful. You'll be able to share that with everyone."

"Everyone?" I kept my mask in place but again I was panicking. I can't do this.

"Yes, don't worry it's a small group. Sam wants to hand pick students that he thinks will take this serious and can teach the next generation."

She found her excuse to get out of this. "That's so nice of him to think of me but I won't be staying here in La Push. After high school, I want to get out of here as soon as possible. I want to go to college and never have to look back again. You'll want to ask someone who'll be staying here."

Emily's face seemed to falter and she quickly recovered, "Well, maybe we can change your mind in the meantime plus we are going to need you to share what your Grandfather taught you."

My last hopes sank. I only had one last chance that I could possibly use. "Emily, I…I…don't really like being part of a group. I have been under a lot of stress lately and this will only add to it." I had to look down, looking at her would be too hard. "Please find someone else."

Emily softy grabbed my hand, "Oh Kim, I promise you'll be perfectly safe. Once you realize what a nice time we'll have then you'll realize how much it's all worth it."

What could I say to that? I had pretty much told her no but she was insisting I be a part of this. My fear was growing with each passing moment. I had no idea who would be here. Cindy, Tony or Lisa would love to dig their nails into me in front of the elders. They had a gift of humiliation in which others might see as a harmless joke. The elders would definitely find out what was really going on at my house. I am only sixteen and when they saw my home life wasn't proper then they would contact social services. Foster care would be a really possibility. This group meant they were going to find out. Everyone would find out. I stayed looking at the table while struggling with my mask. I was becoming overwhelmed with fear.

I heard the door of the room open.

Emily called out to him, "Hi Paul, I got something for you."

"If Sam hadn't already loved you then you'd be all mine." I could hear he joke with Emily and her laugh.

"No, your stomach loves me."

My breathing was starting to become labored. I have to get out of here before I have a panic attack in front of them.

Paul approaches us so I figure it's a good time to make my escape. I push back from the table but Paul's panicked voice stops me.

"KIM! KIM what's wrong?" I have to look up at him but his eyes are darting around the room looking for something.

He suddenly crouches down next to me. "Emily, can I talk to Kim alone for a minute?"

I realize then that my mask was down and I am having a panic attack. But I can't stop it this time. All of the stress is making me crash and burn. I don't talk to people at school, they are too close to the truth especially the elders. Now all of my worries are crashing down, they'll find out.

"Kimmy!" I feel him grab my hands. "You are okay. You are safe. I promised you that I would protect you. Nothing is going to hurt you, I won't let anything or anyone. Calm down, take deep breaths and slowly blow it out." I listened to him. After several minutes, I could slowly feel myself calming.

"Look in my eyes. You know you are safe with me." Though my sight was blurry from tears I could see he upset as well.

He handed me some napkins from the table so I could wipe my face.

"I would hug you if I felt it would help you feel better but I can tell you don't like being touched."

I gave him a sad smile and nodded.

He stayed crouched in front of me for several minutes coaxing me into taking deep breathes and blowing them out.

"I told you that you would have to deal with Emily if you didn't eat what she sent in." He laughed to himself. "My suggestion would be to not feel guilty and enjoy the food. Emily feels good when she can take care of others and ensure they have something good to eat. It's her way of showing love."

I warily looked up at him, "But she doesn't know me."

Paul got up and sat in the chair next to me, "Kimmy, you have touched her heart and she won't turn away from you now."

"Why?"

He sighed, "Let's pack this up. We're skipping the rest of the afternoon. We got some talking to do. And BEFORE you start worrying about what Emily will think about everything that's happened just know you have NOTHING to fear. I know what to fear and I have a feeling you do too. So let's go somewhere we can discuss some things."

I felt tired from my breakdown and didn't have the fight in me to say no. "Okay. I need to apologize first. Poor Emily, I didn't mean for that to happen. It wasn't her fault."

"There's nothing to apologize for. Sam and Emily were coming in today to help someone that needs homeschooled right now. They were going to meet with some of the teachers to discuss the assignments. I am sure she busy anyway. I want you to go the restroom and clean up and I'll meet you on the steps."

I nodded and Paul walked me to the bathroom. Washing my face felt so good, I needed to wash away my feelings. When I made it out side, Paul was sitting in a truck by the steps listening to some music.

I didn't ask him where we were going,I just trusted him.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Soon, we were parked in a small lot next to a secluded area of the beach.

"Come on. There's a great spot here where we have bonfires. We can eat and sit comfortably."

He grabbed the bag that Emily brought and started down a wooded path. I stumbled after him trying to keep up with his long strides. The path opened up to a beautiful opening where a large fire pit was surrounded by large pieces of driftwood. They looked like they had been roughly cut.

He sat down on a particularly large piece placing the bag next to him. Him putting the bag between our seats was a sign that he knew I needed space. We sat eating in silence for quite a while.

"Kim, what happened when you were with Emily? I could tell you were scared, hell you could even smell it. I know her determination to feed others can be scary but that's not what happened."

I didn't say anything.

"Kimmy?" Yuck, I hate that name.

"Please don't call me that."

He smirked at me, "Kimmy talk to me. You KNOW you trust me." His face was serious now.

I just can't. He's friends with the Chief and his fiancé. What if he says something? Paul has been so good to me and I am embarrassed that I just can't do it.

He sighs. "Do you know why I came here to live with my grandfather?"

I shook my head no.

"I've never told anyone here." He blew out a breath. "Remember when you asked why I was nice to you?"

I nodded.

"I don't know your situation but I know that it sucks just like mine did before I came here. My parents are alcoholics. We lived in Seattle. I got to be my dad's punching bag at night and the schools punching bag during the day. I only went to school to eat. I knew what my dad did was wrong but in some sick way I still loved my parents. Still do. If the kids knew at school how bad it really was then it would just be something else for them to attack me with. When I came to school with an untreated broken arm and clearly a mess, the teachers noticed and social services were called. In short, that's how I ended up with my grandfather. At first I was terrified to move here but then I realized that I could become a different person. No one knew me here or my parents. When I came and saw how those same type of people that picked on me were going after you then I couldn't just sit by and witness it. I also couldn't let you know about my past so I made sure I didn't talk to you. In some twisted, weird way, I was afraid that I would end up like you again. Like you I don't like people to touch me unless they have permission or I trust them. AND I can tell you hide behind that face of yours. The one you show to make sure no one knows what your real feelings are. The same fake smile that doesn't reach your eyes is one that I used to use with adults. Your life isn't a life it's just getting from one day to the other while trying to keep your head above the water until you can leave." _Paul blew out a deep breath_. "Kim, I don't know what's really going on with you or at home but I am done just standing by. I want to be here to protect and help you when you need it. You will NOT go another day without something decent to eat or worry about getting hurt by someone. I want to be your friend. When you are ready, I would like you to tell me so I can help. My grandfather helped me but it took me a while to accept that. But know I am ready when you are."

I nodded my head. Paul had given me so many things to think about. I should have figured that he understood from personal experience but I guess I hoped that he hadn't been through some family crap too. I couldn't tell him everything but I did owe him something.

"I got scared because the elders will find out and I could end up in foster care or something."

Paul seemed to weigh what I said. "Kim, my grandfather is an elder and I am close with Sam obviously. But I need to know a few things first. I want the truth if you can give me that then I'll guarantee you nothing will happen. Okay?"

I really wasn't sure if Paul could guarantee me anything but I was going to have to explain something to Emily and Chief Uley for the way I acted. It would be nice to have Paul there to help avoid or deflect anything I can't let them know.

I looked at him in the eye hoping to find that I could trust him. He was my only hope right now.

"Okay."

"First, is anyone hitting you?" I shook my head no and turned away.

"Kim, I need you to look at me." I looked in his eyes that clearly indicated he was very serious right now. "Is anyone _touching_ you that shouldn't?" He sounded afraid to ask.

"No."

"Are you safe at home?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I am if it's just my mom and me but she sometimes brings home some guys that I didn't really feel safe when they look at me. It wasn't very often but it happened. I wanted to tell him the truth but how do you explain your mom is a bar whore that will randomly bring home whomever, so today to today I didn't know.

"KIM! I want the truth!" He was obviously upset and his hands were shaking a little.

"I…I….don't always know. My mom sometimes brings guys home and some of them can be creepy so I don't always feel safe."

"What do you do when that happens?"

"I lock myself in my room just in case."

He down for a minute then seemed to force me to look in his eyes. "Kim, when that happens again you are going to call me, no matter what time of night. If I don't pick up then text me and call my grandfather's house; he can always get ahold of me no matter what. Give me your phone so I can program in the numbers."

"I don't have a cell phone but I can call you from the house phone."

He didn't seem to like that but why would I have one. "Do you have one in your room?"

"No but it will be okay."

He thought for a moment, "Fine, I'll give you my old one and put you on our plan."

Was he crazy, "Paul, I can't let you do that."

"Uh, yes you can and will. Kim, don't take this the wrong way but I don't have any romantic feelings for you but I see you as a little sister. We both got crappy parents so we have a bond that only others who have gone through it know. You feel like family now and I am NOT going to let anything happen to you if I can help it. And I can't help if you are unable to get ahold of me. Plus what if you need me when you aren't home?"

"But I still don't see why you are doing all of this for me?"

"Let's just say I made a promise. I've been entrusted to keep you safe from others and even yourself. It would be dishonorable to go against my word and your like family now. Plus, you could use at least one friend."

I looked at him confused. Entrusted? His word?

"Okay"

"Friends?" Of course, he had to smirk and hold out his hand.

"Friends," I shook his hand and couldn't help but smile.

"Good, come on FRIEND, I'll show you this small cove that we are going to fish."

"Fish?"

"Yes, I've always fishing buddy so I guess you are it. Don't worry I'll teach you. My grandfather taught me."

"Will you show me how to hunt?"

He stopped walking and turned to look at me, "Hunt?"

"Yes, I thought I could learn so I didn't have to worry about running out of food if funds got low again."

"NO, you aren't learning how to hunt because you don't have to worry about that anymore. Plus you shouldn't be in the forest without me."

"Paul, I am NOT going to borrow money from you. I have been trying to save as much money as possible to replace the roof this summer and if I don't have to pay for protein then I could really cut down my grocery bill."

"Protein? You sound like your thirty-six not what…seventeen." He laughed a little and started walking again.

"It wasn't my choice to become an adult."

"Ya you're right. How about I'll hunt for you but I'll teach you to fish for _your protein_?"

"Okay."

We were walking down the beach when we came across a lot of large pieces of drift wood. Paul was helping me over a particularly huge one when I caught sight of something in the forest to the left.

I screamed and grabbed onto him trying to pull him towards the water.

"KIM! What's wrong?"

"There's something in there." I pointed to the place I saw what looked like bear's body flash past. Somehow he thought my comment was funny but if he had seen it he won't be thinking that.

"What did you see?" He laughed.

"I am not sure but it was big and brown so it was probably a brown bear."

"Come on, it's fine. We're near the water. They don't come down here. I promise you are perfectly safe."

I huffed and started down the beach again.

"I am not sure how to ask but why don't you like to be touched? Did someone hurt you?"

"Um….kind of. I just don't like to be surprised or touched by someone that I don't really trust, I guess."

"What happened?"

"It's not a big deal."

"If it's not a big deal then tell me."

"It happened a little over a year ago. I was waiting at the bus stop in Forks after work and some guys harassed me."

He stopped me from walking, "What does that mean?"

I couldn't look at him in the eye so I turned to look at the water. Why was he pushing me about his?

"They just hit and ripped my clothes then grabbed and touched me is all. They didn't…ya know. I was lucky and got away. I took self-defense classes in Port Angeles after that." I closed my eyes. It was embarrassing. I had never ever told anyone. I started walking ahead so I didn't have to look him in the eye.

Paul was soon beside me. In a soft voice, "Kim, where's your dad?"

I almost laughed, "What is this twenty questions?"

He just shrugged, "I am trying to figure you out. Your dad?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. My mom won't tell me. I even looked at my birth certificate and it was blank. The only thing she told me was to be careful who I dated because they could be my brother. You know what's funny? Every once and a while she'll ask me if I am dating because according to her she doesn't want any twelve fingered grandkids. Come to think of it maybe I should randomly mention some guys from school and see if I can figure it out." I had to give that a sick, sad laugh.

"Wow, don't take this the wrong way but that's a bit creepy."

"You're telling me."

"Okay, so what's the deal with no friends? You've lived here your whole life right?"

"Yea"

"So? No friends? I can't say that I really know you but I know you enough that you're easy to talk to."

Depression isn't a good friend, "I wasn't a good person for a long time, so no one wanted to be around me."

"Okay that's bullshit."

"Uh?"

"It's bullshit. You couldn't be a bad person if you wanted too. I've only been here since the middle of ninth grade but I know enough that you are good by nature."

"Okay maybe not bad but I just kind of…..um….I don't know how to describe it. I kind of stopping talking and purposely moved away from everyone even people that I was friends with. It was hard to be happy and I didn't want to explain what was going on at home. I had to go to work at fourteen so we could eat and pay bills. I was stressed trying to figure out how to make sure my mom didn't drink the mortgage payment away. I was depressed for a long time."

"Do you have any grandparents or aunts and uncles?"

"My grandmother died when I was a baby and my grandfather died when I was twelve. My mom is an only child. I don't know of any other family."

"That sucks. At least, I have my grandfather."

We finally reached the cove he was telling me about. He pointed out different areas where it would be good places to fish and why. His grandfather had obviously taught him a lot.

"What time do you do work?"

"Five."

"Till?"

"Nine."

"We better head back. I'll drive you and while you are working I am going to get the phone."

"Paul, it's too far just to drop me off. I am used to taking the bus."

"I didn't ask you. I told you."

I rolled my eyes but it felt so good to feel like someone understood. It felt like a weight or burden was at least shared.

We didn't really talk on our walk back or on the ride to Forks.

He pulled up just down from the store. "Paul, I don't think I ever really told you how much you made my life better when you were around. I have always felt safe if you were in my classes. I got the impression that you wouldn't like me to thank you but I want to tell you every single time you did it made me feel good that someone cared, so thanks."

Paul just nodded his head so I got out and headed to the store.

I couldn't help but replay my day while I worked. Of course, self-doubt was creeping its way into my mind. Why was Paul doing this? Maybe he felt bad after he heard me yell at Jared. Sympathy will only last for so long. It was one thing to tell someone to shut up and sit down compared to being a friend. I was sure that he would grow tired of some girl that he had to watch out for. He said he wasn't interested. Why would some guy want to 'hanging out' with some teenage girl with problems? If I get attached to him then it will kill me when he finally is tired of me. Then there was the one guy that I had forced myself to ignore since Friday, Jared. Why did I still have feelings for him? Why can't I let them go? And why was I angrier at him than any other person who had ever been mean to me? He didn't really do anything more or less than any of the others. I missed being able to see him even though it would be difficult after his joke that day. Why did life have to be so complicated? I just want to love someone and have them love me back. I want to have a family and a nice simple home. It's the last bit of hope that I have to work for in the future.

My thoughts were 'deep' tonight and kept me busy while I sorted items and stocked racks. It was nine before I knew it. The day had been stressful and I was tired. I didn't really think that Paul would drive all the way back here from La Push. It was entirely too long to just pick up some girl he felt sorry for.

Karen and I locked up the front door and said good night then I headed towards the bus stop a couple of blocks down.

"Hey, are you going to ignore me now?" My head wiped over to see Paul sitting in a car that I didn't recognize.

"Oh, sorry I didn't notice you." I stood next to the door and smiled. He did actually come.

"Well, get in." We both slid in and he headed back.

"Kim, did you eat anything for dinner?"

"I eat when I get home."

"How was work?"

"Good, it was busy and I prefer it that way."

"How often do you work again?

"I work every weekday and on Saturday's. Sunday is my day to finish up things at home and do what I want."

"Wow, that's actually a lot. Why so much?"

"I am saving for a new roof. A guy that comes into work a lot also helps with Habitat for Humanity*. He told me he would teach me how to roof so I could save a lot by doing it myself. This summer I am going to volunteer so he can show me then I can do mine. After that, I am saving to repaint the outside of our house. The tarps and faded and chipped paint won't protect my home for long."

"Wow." He shook his head. Oh crap, that was obviously too much, he wishing he didn't say he would be friends and was probably regretting being here right now.

"Kim, what's wrong?"

I continued to look out the window, "nothing."

"Why are upset?"

"Uh?"

"You're upset, I can tell your heart started to race a little."

"Nothing's wrong."

"Bull, I know your upset but don't worry someday I know you'll trust me enough to tell me."

I decided not to reply and just keep my eyes out the window.

We didn't talk the rest of the way back to La Push. And soon he was driving down the driveway.

"Thank you for the ride. I really appreciate your help today."

"Here." Paul handed me an older flip phone. "I already programed a lot of numbers in it. If you need help you WILL call."

I went to hand it back, "Paul this is too much. I've been doing this on my own for a long time now. I have back up plans for everything, you have a life besides babysitting me."

"Kim, shut up and take the phone. Just get used to accepting help, it will get annoying if you continue to try to just push me away. SO take the phone and I'll see you tomorrow at school. Oh and by the way, I'll be picking you up from work. I don't want you waiting for the bus when it's dark out."

"I get off early on Saturdays, it's just dark on week days."

"Fine but I don't want to hear you trying to get out of being picked up during the week"

I was a little shocked and really didn't know what to say to that. "Uh, thanks." In a bit of a daze, I got out and turned to see Paul waiting for me to go in the house.

The car wasn't in the driveway so I assumed my mom was out probably at some bar who knows where. I decided to have the leftover chicken and a salad. I needed to sweep the house, do my trig homework, and study for the biology test I have tomorrow. When I finally got in bed, my mind was twirling with the day's events. I wasn't sure if having Paul as a friend was a good thing or not but I hoped that he could help me get out of that student group. The school year only had about three more months until summer. So I just needed to get through those months and I could easy avoid them during the summer. Forcing myself to stop thinking, I quickly fell asleep.

**Please review!**

***FYI - Habitat for Humanity is a nonprofit, Christian housing ministry that believes that every man, woman and child should have a decent, safe and affordable place to live. They build and repair houses all over the world using volunteer labor and donations. Families purchase these houses through no-profit, no-interest mortgage loans or innovative financing methods.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to everyone that read, reviewed, followed, and favorited!**

Chapter 7

School began just like the others lately, Cindy scowling, Paul smirking, and no Jared. At the end of history, I came out to find Paul waiting for me.

"Hey Kim."

"Hi."

We walked down the hall until he pulled me towards the room that I was with Emily yesterday. I was a little apprehensive but I needed to trust him.

I followed him in to find Emily waiting. I wanted to slink back embarrassed for yesterday but I could tell Paul wasn't going to let me when he pulled out the chair at the table and looked at me.

"Kim, I am so glad you came. Paul said you would but I was afraid I was too pushy yesterday. Please forgive me."

I must have looked like a fish out of water because my mouth was dropped open. SHE was apologizing to ME after the way I acted.

"No, no, no I am sorry. It's just…um being with groups of people… um… overwhelm me. I don't do well with a lot of people. I need to just get over it so I am the one that needs to be sorry. You've been so nice to me."

"Told you Em, she'll only blame herself no matter what you say. She'll get it eventually. Come on, enough girl talk, let's enjoy what you've brought." Paul was almost giddy eyeing Emily's bag.

She smacked him on the arm, "That's not girl talk, if we talk about periods and makeup then you can say that."

As soon it was out of Emily's mouth Paul slapped his hands on his ears and began chanting nah nah nah.

"PAUL!" She rolls her eyes then gives me a mischievous look. She grabs the containers that she had put in front of him then proceeded to put them back into the bag. This obviously made him panic.

"Em, EM! What are you doing? I didn't mean it! Go ahead talk about tampons and hairspray, I'll stop!"

Emily and I can't help but laugh at his panicked state.

She handed him back his stuff, "Paul, how about you go eat in the lunch room so Kim and I can talk about all of that girl stuff."

He looked at me as if I might tell him to stay. I smiled to let him know it was okay. Soon Emily and I were quietly enjoying her lunches.

"Emily, this is delicious. Thank you for your kindness."

"There is no need to thank me. I love cooking especially for others and love to try new recipes. Just ask Paul about when I experiment, they don't always work out the way I hope." Her smile was so friendly she made it difficult to be apprehensive.

"Have you ever considering going to culinary school?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind some cooking classes but not formal training. It would have to be real home cooking. You know, nothing too fancy. What about you? Any ideas what you want to do after high school?"

"Kind of, I was thinking about becoming an elementary teacher but more importantly I just know I want to start over somewhere new."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I figure that you understand that I get picked on quite a bit here since my yelling like a crazy person at Jared but it's not just him. He just caught me off guard so I lost it."

"What do you mean caught you off guard?"

"I was waiting for the bus to work and was finally getting everything back on track after a bad two weeks when he trying to play another joke on me."

She was clearly irritated, "What joke? What happened that night?"

"It would be best if I didn't. I've told Paul too much and I don't think it would be right for me to say if Jared isn't here to defend himself."

"Kim, I only know a little about what happened. I just want to understand your perspective, Jared did tell me a little and I don't think he can defend anything. He was wrong _period_. But I feel like I don't really understand everything, please explain it."

I sighed, my nickname should be drama. Where ever I was lately drama was somehow a part of my existence.

"Jared never really harassed me but he always enjoyed when someone did like laughing and commenting about me to other people. But then, he helped someone take my bag and shoved me into a locker. I found out they threw away my stuff and took the money I had been saving. While they had a party with my money, I got to work an extra shift and pawn my grandmother's jewelry to get to my next pay check. Of course, I am sore about that but all of a sudden he comes back after being absent for a while and acts shocked that he was really a part of it. I don't believe that. Afterwards, he wants to be friends? Take me out? Tells me he cares about me and that I am beautiful? It was just another joke that he and his friends want to play. They'd tried that before, I am not stupid." I looked down and started picking at my lunch.

Emily sighed, "I am not trying to dismiss what Jared did that day when they took your things but merely playing devil's advocate. Maybe, he finally realized what he had done in the past and wanted to make amends."

"Emily, I have gone to school with Jared for almost eleven years. He never once helped me, said sorry, or use common courtesy like saying bless you when I sneezed or to help me if I dropped a book, pencil or whatever even when no one was around. My grandfather always read Dear Abby* and he taught me 'The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.' Not once in those eleven years can I say he treated well, so no he didn't realize anything except I didn't report them last time so why not push it farther. There was another party that night which I was again paying for. What a great joke to play on his way there. It would have really sucked for him if I would have died huh? _I gave a sad laugh_. Playing jokes are only fun if the joker doesn't go to jail. I am only sorry that I let them see how weak I am. And for you to have to listen to me yell at him."

Emily was quiet the entire time I ranted on about Jared. She was teary eyed and obviously wishing she hadn't asked. All of this high school drama had to be making her wish she'd never asked me to be a part of this group thing. The drama and realization of Jared was making me sick. My body almost ached with sadness because I actually in my sad sick way missed him.

As she wiped her eyes I looked out the window. I was done crying.

Emily lightly touched my knee, "Kim, you couldn't be weak if you tried, it's obviously not a part of who you are. I don't know anyone who at your age can handle all of those responsibilities with grace and selflessness as you do." She smiled at me, "Have you ever considered that if Jared is actually apologetic then he could do something to win your acceptance and even trust?"

"No, why would he? He never tried before?"

"You obviously trust Paul but it seems like you two really don't know each other. Why?" I wanted to be irritated that she was asking me these questions but I don't think she was trying to be mean or even question the reasons I was upset. She seemed to be generally interested and understand.

"Paul wasn't my friend but he treated me well when I couldn't do him any good or fight back. He earned that right. His actions over almost three years tell me enough about his character. Words are just that, words. Someone doesn't develop empathy instantly or over days or weeks, only after months and years."

"Thank you for telling me. Jared has just recently become close to Sam and he was really upset about what has happened in the past but he can't seem to understand why you won't let him apologize. I guess he'll need to earn your respect and trust like Paul. I completely understand your perspective and couldn't agree with you more."

I smile at her words. I hope she didn't think I wanted to trash Jared even though I pretty much did but qualities like Paul's aren't easy to find. And judging him too quickly would be a mistake.

"Kim, I want to extend that invitation that Paul told you on Monday about eating dinner with us on Sunday. Sam would like to properly meet you and I have a new recipe that I'll be trying. Plus I rarely get any girl talk, it's usually only Sam and his guy friends that help protect the reservation so another female would be great."

"Emily, I don't know."

"Oh please, Sam has only picked you and two others to be a part of his new group. How about you come and meet them then decide if you want to still join?"

I had to take this chance to get out without a lot of explaining so I needed to do this.

"Okay." The warning bell rang.

She stood up and began gathering up the containers, "GREAT, Paul will…." At the same time the classroom door opened.

Paul strolled in with his empty containers, "Paul will what?"

"Pick Kim up on Sunday."

"Oh no no, I can walk. I don't mind."

Emily turned to me, "Well, I mind. Paul will get you around two." She smirked then gave us a quick hug and we all headed to the hallway.

I couldn't help but laugh at my latest chapter in my tragic comedy.

The afternoon seemed to quickly pass from one class to another and I soon found myself at work. Someone had donated a comforter set that I loved. I had been hoping that one that I like would be donated. Before closing up for the evening Miss Patty rung me up and I was actually happy for the first time in a while. I could paint my bedroom set white and have soft green comforter and accessories. Hopefully, the leftover white paint is still good from spring break when I painted the trim in the main living areas.

"Oh no, she's smiling so it must be really good. Kim never smiles." Paul leaning against his truck had startled me from my daydream as I headed to the bus stop. I was starting to become really comfortable around him.

"It is. Patience is a virtue and when waiting pays off it feels great." I couldn't help but use a teasing tone just like him.

He rolled his eyes and we both got in the truck.

"What's in the bag?"

"A comforter set. I have been waiting for someone to drop one off that I actually like. You would be surprised how many great things that you can get there."

"So what are your plans this evening?"

"Well, I am going to make spaghetti with a meat sauce for dinner while I start homework and of course Thursday means I clean up the living room. I know excitement follows me everywhere I go."

He laughed and we both enjoyed a quiet ride back to La Push.

Lying in bed that night, I couldn't help but think back to lunch when Emily asked me about Jared. I had known that Jared and Paul had been friendly before but when I saw them together at Emily's I didn't realize how good of friends they were. Jared's absence all week had definitely been noticed. He was popular and I had overheard many students questioning why he was absent once again. I also heard my lab partner in biology talking about a fight between Tony and him. I wasn't sure how I felt about him not being at school. On one hand I missed seeing and watching him from a far but then after his joke and taking my bag I was afraid the joke would just continue. For whatever reason, I just couldn't help feel terrible that he of all people would do that to me even though he usually acted like I didn't exist. All of these emotions just made me want to cry. My hormones must be on a rollercoaster. I was all over the place.

Friday seemed to be a repeat of Thursday: Cindy scowling, Paul smirking, and no Jared. And again Paul was waiting for me after fourth bell.

I followed just behind him to the old language room and again Emily was there with our lunches. Paul kissed her on the cheek then plopped down across from her.

"Kim, I hope you like tuna. I bought it fresh and I have been craving it for every meal since."

I sat down next to Paul. "I've only had canned tuna. Does it taste the same?"

"Not at all. Here try it. If you don't like it you can have one of Paul's ham sandwiches."

Obviously, he didn't like the idea of me getting one since he suddenly tucked them protectively under his arms.

I couldn't help but giggle at his actions. Luckily for him, the tuna was really good, definitely not like canned. The three of us were soon conversing about different things and I actually enjoyed being with the two of them.

However, something was kind of bothering me, "Emily, this seems like a lot of work to come to lunch every day. Not that I haven't enjoyed your lunches or company. It's just you work, have a home, and other things to do."

"I do have those but Sam has asked that I be really active with his group until there are more members."

I looked at her questioningly, "Um…. Do you mean it's just Paul and me?"

"Yes, and Embry Call."

"He needed to get his appendix out but he should be back to school on Monday. Do you know him?"

"I just know that he's a sophomore but I've never spoken or had a class with him."

"So you don't object to him being a member?"

"It isn't my decision who should and shouldn't."

"Kim, I am not interested in having anyone join if other members object. No one should be forced into getting along with someone else."

Paul stopped inhaling his food, "I object if my food continues to be threatened."

Emily threw a carrot at him but he caught it in his mouth and continued on eating.

She needed to leave early for a doctor appointment so we packed up and I again agreed to be there Sunday.

Paul walked me to class and even waited when we arrived a bit early. I had been trying to find the right time to ask him about Jared but it never seemed like the right time. I needed to take it before I chickened out. He was currently looking at the bottom of my bag for an extra pencil that I told him he could have if he found it.

"Um Paul?"

"Yea." He didn't look up as he dug.

"I was just curious and thought you might know…."

He looked up while still digging, "know what?"

I looked away, "Your friends with Jared, right?"

He stopped looking and turned his body to face me, "Um…yea…we've just recently become good friends actually. But don't worry I still think what he did before was wrong. He got his ass handed to him for that move. He…um… had some things happen to him and he had to grow up. Some of his old friends didn't…uh… get what they did wrong and he refuses to be friends with them anymore."

"Oh…but why hasn't he been in school? Is he still sick?"

Paul looked away and started to rub his neck then turned back to me. He blew out a breath, "Kim, don't get all girl on me okay?"

My face had to indicate I was confused, "Okay?" What was that supposed to mean?

He blew out another breath, "Jared got a reality check when he realized that he had been a part of taking your money and bag then shoving you into the locker. To cap it off, he followed it up with a crappy apology. When you almost died trying to get away from him, he finally understood what he had really done. He just hasn't been the same since. Every single thing you told him at Sam and Emily's was another smack he needed to understand that what he says or doesn't say and does or doesn't do can have a profound effect on other people even if it at first doesn't seem like it. He is trying to… um… become a better person."

"So not coming to school is becoming a better person?"

"No, he…he's kind of embarrassed to see you really. Emily kind of told him that a sorry, flowers, or even a letter won't be enough for you to forgive him. So he's decided that homeschooling is right for him right now. Jared's having problems controlling his anger at himself and at his old friends for what they did."

I looked at Paul in misbelief. Jared was being homeschooled because of me. "Paul, he.. he… needs to be at school. I'm not that important to miss school. There's nothing to be embarrassed about, he can't miss because of me." I was pleading with him.

Paul shook his head, "Kim, this is something he needs to do for himself and you are important enough. Don't let what others say to you make you feel unworthy. Hell, it's already bad enough that I am just realizing how damn funny you can be. I love a girl with a good sense of humor."

To obvious change the subject, he grabbed my head and tried to give me a friendly noogy.**

The rest of the day went by slowly but I began to notice that the 'popular' group seemed to leave me alone this week and only got a scowl here and there. The only new factor was Paul consistently at my side. Obviously, everyone knew not to mess with him but there were plenty of opportunities when he wasn't around. Not that I was complaining but it was unusual. Well, maybe Jared told them about last Friday and they knew they had gone too far.

It was a beautiful spring day so waiting for the bus to Forks wasn't so bad. I smiled as I saw Henry heading towards the stop. Just as I gathered up my things he stopped next to me.

"Hey beautiful girl, need a ride to Forks?"

I smiled, "I sure do."

"You haven't been riding at night. Why not? I always try to look out for you after those boys bothered you that one time."

"Thanks for doing that Henry. A friend of mine has been driving me home."

"Ohhhh, a _boyfriend_?" I am sure I was beet red now. I looked around the bus and luckily no one else was on.

"No, he's just a friend. And before you ask, no there never will be anything between us. I don't even think about him like that even a little bit. He helped me out once and we just kind of became friends after that."

"SURE." I rolled my eyes.

"Henry, I promise you that there isn't anything. He even told me that he didn't have romantic feelings for me. He said I was like a sister to him."

"Oh well, he sounds like a good guy though. I still have hope for you sweetie. I wish I had a grandson to set up you with."

"Thanks. I think."

"Well, let's get you to Forks."

I smiled and sat in the seat diagonal to his.

Work was interesting. Someone had obviously donated the whole contents of an elderly person's home which included a lot of valuables. Mrs. Rainick stayed past her shift to properly sort and set aside items that she needed to have properly appraised by our appraising consultant this week. The family hadn't even gone through some of the boxes because they included old family pictures. I couldn't help but notice that they included some of landscape pictures of First Beach in La Push and some other Quileute celebrations that were taken a century ago. I asked if I could have them since we usually just throw photos away. The elders might like a collection of how the reservation used to look like during the early 1900's.

By the time it was closing, we had sorted through a lot of boxes and items and had a good plan to finish on Saturday.

When I walked out the store at the end of my shift, I didn't see Paul anywhere so I made my way to wait for the bus.

"You are obviously Kim. However, they didn't give you justice when they described how pretty you were." An older gentlemen called from a truck that I had always guessed was Paul's.

I gave him a wary smile.

"I am Paul's grandfather, Joseph Lahote. I came to give you a ride home. He got called into work for an emergency."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that. I could have easily riden the bus like I always do."

He chuckled, "Not anymore. Get in."

We got in and soon we were headed back. Then it dawned on me. He's an elder and he'll see the house. He could get the council to take action because of its condition. The health department would probably be called in and finally social services. My mood was quickly dropping the closer we got to my house.

"Honey, what's got you so worried? You are going to put a hole in the sweater you're twisting in your hands." Oh crap.

"Nothing, I guess I am just tired and happy that the week is over."

"Sweetie, I might be old but I can tell you are worried. Everything okay at home?"

My heart was dropping. I wanted to jump out the door.

"Oh yea, everything's fine."

Maybe he took mercy on me because he stopped asking.

When we got to La Push he seemed to already know where to go. I had one last chance to stop him from seeing the house.

"You can drop me off at the top of the driveway. I need to grab the mail and I can walk from there."

"I won't be a gentleman if I did that. We can stop there then I'll make sure you get in the door." He smiled at me.

We got to the end of the drive and he stopped for me to get the mail and get back in. Of course, it had to be a full moon tonight. The blue tarps seemed to glow. He could probably hear my heart jumping in my chest.

"Paul said he was going to help you put a new roof on this summer. That seems like a lot of work for just the two of you, I'll get some of Sam's boys help you out. We wouldn't want you to get hurt now, would we?"

I felt like I was punched and panic setting in. Paul told his grandfather about my roof? He was helping?

"Oh ya, I am putting on a new roof but I don't need their help. I have someone that is going to teach me. It's going to be one of my summer projects. The whole outside will get a makeover. Don't worry it won't stay this way. In fact, I am cutting the grass after work tomorrow. I also need to finish weeding the flower bed then I'll plant something when I know frost season is over. I am going to paint too. My mom and I need to pick a color. We haven't decided yet. The front door and shutters are going to get painted as well. I promise it will look good. We have been saving money." My words were rushed and I was breathless.

"Kim, are you worried about how your house looks? It's not as bad you think. I know fixing up costs a lot and tons of work. I am just saying that you won't be doing the roof on your own. Don't get me wrong, I am not a male chauvinist but a lady shouldn't be climbing on the roof and doing that kind of labor when there are plenty of men folk around to do it. You can't possibly do all of that on your own and let alone have your mom and you pay for it. I know your mom's disabled and I am sure on a tight budget. We'll get you some help from the council. Remember we get federal funds for maintaining properties, a few hundred towards your house would be at least we could do. Let me know if anything else needs done. Remember the council is here for people on the reservation that need help especially when it's just you and your mom."

"But why? We can't have the entire reservation pay for our problems. We couldn't accept that."

"You can and will. Kim, it is important to us that good young people want to stay here and help the tribe in the future. We don't have a big population but it's important to keep the ones with promise. You are one of those few. Please give the tribe a chance to show you how important you are."

What could I say to that? I needed to get out before he really figured out what was going on.

"Um…I'll have to talk to my mom about that. Oh here, someone donated these at work but we can't sell them so I took them thinking that the elders would like them." I handed him the pictures.

He quickly flipped few through some of the ones on top, "Wow, these are great. Thanks , we don't have many from this time period. It's great to have some record of our history." He smiled at me.

"Thank you for the ride. I appreciate you going out of the way for me. Oh, oh I need to give you and Paul gas money. I am so sorry I just didn't think about it. I'll make sure to give…."

"Kim, don't even think about it. You'll offend me and offend Paul so don't. You don't have a granfather, dad, or a big brother to look out for you so let us. Okay?"

"I couldn't…."

"Honey, I know you want to pay but don't fight me on this I am a stubborn old man so I'll win." He smiled full of mirth.

"I can be stubborn too." I smiled back.

He laughed, "I have no doubt and I hope you don't give up easily. I'll see you at Emily and Sam's on Sunday."

"Okay, I will. Thanks again."

I got out and rushed into the house. The house was quiet and I was thankful. I had a lot of thinking to do.

My evening was peaceful. My mom was off somewhere and it gave me a chance to replay all of the recent events in my life. I still felt like I was on a merry go round. Never knowing when it will stop or where, I missed being able to blend into the background. All of this attention had been pretty positive but I felt like I needed to be prepared for a big blow of disappoint to hit me soon. It's always worse to be blindsided and I was trying my hardest to prevent that.

Saturday was a day of blissful routine. Nothing was out of the ordinary and it gave me peace to be able to numb my mind to my every Saturday paces. Work, cut the grass, weed the garden, laundry, and finish up little things around the house and homework. I laid in bed for a while watching the shadows on my ceiling. The trees of the forest swaying in the breeze were calming and soon my mind settled to sleep.

CRASH, I sat straight up in my bed. My heart was racing. I kept as quiet as possible hoping to hear what had made the noise. It felt like an eternity until I heard my mom's drunken stupor laugh and unfortunately one of a man as well. I glanced over at the clock and notice it was almost 2:30. My door was locked but I still seemed to watch the door while I listened to them made their way to her bedroom.

Where did the mother that I once have go? It was like one day the light turned off in her eyes. She didn't talk to me, take care of me, or love me anymore. I just didn't understand how I was the parent now. I knew she was in pain but she stopped looking for answers to get help when the lawsuit went nowhere. But I was here and it was like she forgot she had a daughter. I was the responsible roommate that took of everything. When I graduate from high school will I really be able to walk away from her and La Push? I wasn't sure, but I knew that I couldn't keep living this day to day existence that I had been. My heart was screaming for someone to love me and it was so close but far away at the same time. I could actually feel the missing part that was out there somewhere I just need to find it. Each and every day it felt like I was closer and with that came a bit more ache that became harder and harder to squash.

I rolled over and again forced myself to sleep.

**Please review!**

**In case some readers are unfamiliar with these terms:**

***Dear Abby is**** the name of the ****advice column**** founded in 1956 by ****Pauline Phillips**** under the pen name "Abigail Van Buren."**

****noogy-**** To grab someone around the neck with your arm, pull their head against your body (thus subduing them), make your other hand into a fist, and grate your knuckles against their scalp. If you're sneaky enough, grabbing them around the neck may not be necessary. (Urban dictionary)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Idkmybffjill1314 – In response to your review about Kim failing to notify Paul that her mother was having an "overnight guest", she assumed that it was only guests that she felt unsafe around. Don't worry, Paul will catch her on that loophole later. **

**Thanks for everyone that has read, reviewed, followed, and favorited.**

Chapter 8

The rain was pounding down on the roof, I laid in bed enjoying the sound. It was relaxing and I didn't want to get out. However, my one day of week that I make fresh coffee screamed that this was a perfect morning for it. Quietly, getting some comfy yoga pants from my drawer I listened for anyone else who might be moving around. Confirming that I was the only one up, I decided to make a hot pot of coffee and take a walk through one of the trails near the house.

It felt so good to listen to the forest around me. I could lose all my problems here, detached from reality and no one to judge me. After looping practically half of the reservation, I returned home wet but the rain had stopped. As I broke through the treeline just to the side of the house, I saw Paul pacing in front of my house on the phone.

I could hear him shouting into it.

"How the fuck do I know? She doesn't tell me everything. We're friends not married." He ran his hands through his short hair obviously listening.

"It has been downpouring so it's diluted and I can't tell in which direction….. NO! Dude, you need to chill. I made a promise and listening to you panic isn't part of it. I'll…" Paul turned in my direction and spotted me heading towards him. "I'll call you later. My friend just got home." He hung up not waiting for his friend to reply.

"Hey girl, where've you been? I was looking for you."

"Hi, I went for a walk. What time is it? It's not two already, is it?"

"Uh, no it's not two yet but why did you go in the forest?"

"I always walk the trails. What time is it?"

"It's about twelve. Kim, don't walk the trails anymore without me or Embry."

"What? I've walked those trails ever since I was little. Never once have I come across someone."

He ran his hands through his hair again, "Let's talk about his later. Come on, Emily called. She wanted to know if you wanted to come over early but you didn't answer your cell phone."

"You mean _your_ cell phone. Um…I think it's still in my school bag."

"WHAT? Let me get this right, you went for a walk in the forest but didn't take the phone. Does that mean you went to work yesterday and AGAIN didn't take the phone? When was the last time you even charged it?"

"Uh….I haven't?" Oh crap, I just completely forgot about it. I've never had a cell phone before or someone to call either.

He clearly looks irritated and shakes his head. "Emily will deal with you and if she saw you soaking wet then she'd deal with that too. Go get a hot shower and some warm clothes and we'll go."

"Um, okay. You don't mind waiting?"

He smirked, "Nope. I want to see your Barbie collection and we can do each other's hair."

I laugh and rolled my eyes. Paul followed me into the house. The car was gone so I knew my mom was too hopefully it wasn't too messy.

"Um…would you like something to drink or eat while I get ready?"

"No, I'll watch TV, if that's okay?"

"Uh, we don't have cable. But we have a lot of movies that I get from work. I won't take that long but you can just keep whatever you start. I don't like to watch the same movie over."

"Sounds good." He headed to the bookshelf.

I quickly ran back to my room and grabbed my things to change into. It was weird to think that someone as in my house that was a friend of mine. I couldn't remember the last time that someone had.

Twenty minutes later, I was showered and changed. Locking my door, I headed towards the living room but was surprised when I found Paul completely passed out on the couch. He looked really different, kind of young with an innocent face. I sat down in the chair across from him and couldn't help but smile. He had been so good to me and I never really showed him how much I appreciate it. Food seemed like an easy answer to that. He could inhale anything put in front of him.

"You know I'll give you a picture of myself if you want to just stare at me a little more."

I burst out laughing. "I wasn't staring. I was thinking about you." Oh crap, that sounded bad.

"I mean…I mean I was thinking how nice you've been and…and… I need to make you something to say thank you."

He chuckled, "SURE! But you are more than welcome to make me something."

"Paul, you've been a great friend but just that, a friend. I don't have those kind of feelings for you."

"Believe me I KNOW you don't soooo who do you have feelings for?" He had a mischievous glint in his eye.

I rolled my eyes, "Paul I don't have time for high school drama."

"Yeah right." He winked and jumped up from the couch grabbing my hand.

"Come on. I can't wait for Emily to find out why you haven't been answering your phone."

Emily's was a lot more fun than I ever imagined. Embry was really funny. He kind of stayed his distance from me at first but quickly began telling me dirty jokes that I couldn't help but laugh at. It made me feel comfortable and wanted. Paul's grandfather was there just as he told me in the car. The pictures I had given him where great and the council wanted to include some of them in the tribal museum. He kept asking me questions about what I might want to go to college for. I told him I was considering teaching elementary school. This seemed to light a fire in him that upon graduation I should come back and work for the tribal school.

Sam was scary at first because he has a quiet authoritative heir about him. However, he was kind and always made sure the guys weren't being rude towards me. He asked about school and how my classes were going. We talked about some teachers that he had previously had compared to what they are like now.

Mostly, the day consisted of Emily and I working together in the kitchen. She was kind and taught me a new recipe for potato salad and I showed her an old Quileute bread recipe with a special twist of a tribal fish knot that my mother had taught me when I was little. It was relaxing. The only ones at dinner included Sam, Emily, Embry, Paul, Paul's grandfather and me. Emily explained that she made dinner like this each evening which I just couldn't believe. It was a lot of work but she obviously loves to cook and the boys obviously loved to eat whatever she makes.

Paul smirked at me across the table and his grandfather obviously saw it too.

"Paul, why are you smirking at this beautiful young lady?"

Paul's eyes were full of mirth, "I WAS waiting until after dinner to mention that Kim didn't take her phone on her morning hike through the forest AND that it is probably dead due to the fact that she hasn't charged or even touched it since I gave it to her."

My mouth almost hit my plate. He had been waiting for Emily's reaction and he was acting like he should be eating popcorn while waiting on the sidelines for the big scene.

To my surprise it wasn't Emily who said something first, it was Sam.

"Kim, you went for a walk in the forest?" His voice had a kind of mystified sound quality.

I wasn't sure if he was upset or not but it was a normal thing to do. Why were they making a big deal of this?

"Yes, I like to walk the trails." I felt uncomfortable like I was going to get scolded.

"It can be dangerous especially if you are alone. Myself, Paul, or Embry would be glad to go with you."

"I don't always plan it. A lot of times it's a spur of the moment idea."

"Please just call, we can always decline. We don't want anything to happen to you."

I didn't like the idea but felt pressured so I agreed.

Everyone went back to eat much to the dislike of Paul's hope for a negative reaction to my lack of phone concern.

Paul was looking around at the others, "Why isn't anyone upset that she hasn't even touched her phone since I gave it to her?"

Emily pierced her lips together holding in a laugh, "You do realize you sound like a brother that is mad that she didn't get in trouble right?"

He looked at her dumb founded. "Uh uh well ya, I am mad. Em, you yell at Embry and I all the time but what about her."

Now I couldn't contain the snort laugh that followed that.

Emily tilted her head to the side, "Paul, yes I wish Kim would keep her phone with her everywhere she goes just in case she needs us that she'll call BUT I am not her mother nor you her brother so I can't make her do anything. Plus there is an easy solution to this."

He looked confused, "What?"

"Why don't you regularly call her? Then she would have a reason to use it and have it on her."

Paul was in awe. It was as if she had given him an epiphany, he turned to me and smiled; pulling out his phone at the same time. He pushed a few buttons.

Speaking into his phone, "Hi Kim, it's your completely handsome and awesome friend, Paul. Call me. It's really important." And hung up.

I could tell he was dying to get me to comment back to him but I looked down and began eating again.

I guess he didn't like that, "Hello Kim, did you just hear me?"

"Paul, you were on the phone at the table. It's a bit rude. I'll be sure to check my messages when I get home."

"Oh, since you obviously didn't look at your contacts list, I am listed as sexy beast."

"It's a good thing you told me then I would have assumed it was Embry."

Paul scowled and everyone else laughed. It was actually a lot of fun. I felt like I was a part of a family for the first time in a very long time.

When Embry returned to school the next day, it was confusing that he didn't want to visit with his best friends, Jacob and Quil. I didn't really know any of them but I did know that they had been close and hurt that he would ignore them.

Embry walked me to second bell since his classroom was next to mine. "Embry, why won't you talk with your friends? Quil looked upset this morning with you brushed him off."

He ran his hand through his hair, "It complicated. I need to stay away from them for a while. When I…um…got sick I realized that I needed to focus on something that's important to me. Continuing on the tribe's heritage is one of them so that's why Sam let me join the new um… student group. I want to be able to speak Quileute perfectly so that would be good place for me to start working with the elders."

"Oh" I didn't realize that learning our history and language would be so important to him or Paul but I guess it's nice to know the legends and customs will continue on with some.

**Sorry for the short chapter, next update on Sunday.**

**Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I have gotten some PM's asking when Jared will be making an appearance. In the original outline I wrote, he and Kim connected early on (2-3 weeks after her blow up) but when I wrote it out the rest of the story didn't have enough depth then. Kim was less complex and the story just seemed to end. After the timeline was rewritten it made much better sense considering the incident that occured between them. Jared needs time to prove he is a changed person and she needs time to accept others are there to help her and accept Jared. I promise he's coming and there will be drama!**

**Another PM asked if Jared is jealous of Kim and Paul's friendship. No, he's not. Paul is able to share the memories of their time together when they are in wolf form which is comforting.**

**The moment that Jared imprinted meant that all of the pack would love her as a sister. Having a 'relationship' with Kim would be considered kind of gross. It comforts him knowing that she is eating and protected. Jared can completely trust Paul and the rest of the pack and he likes that Kim is has someone in her life that can take care of her.**

Chapter 9

Paul kept his promise that I wouldn't be riding the bus home from work. Over the course over the next couple of months, someone would pick me up and drive me home. I always got nervous when they dropped me off but they never mentioned what my house looked like. It was weird to feel like I actually had friends other than the older ladies from work.

.

We fished almost every Sunday even if it was raining. For some reason this seemed to impress Paul that I didn't care. He taught me a lot in a short amount of time. Luckily, he was a great teacher just like his grandfather had been for him. We regularly caught fish and brought some to Emily's for dinner. I even learned how to clean them but not without Paul harassing and chasing me with fish guts at the beginning.

A few weeks after making this a regular event, Jared was sitting at the spot we planned to fish. He was skimming rocks over the surface. Of course, I felt like crap after the way I acted towards him even if I had been justified.

"Yo, Jar!" Paul hollered as we came into view. Jared seemed almost startled by our appearance.

"Oh hey." Jared's voice had less conviction than Paul's.

I came to stand just behind Paul trying to look friendly. Being mean and negative towards others just wasn't something I usually was and having been that way towards Jared made me feel like a jerk.

"Kim and I are fishing for some Silver Salmon today. We're trying to stock her freezer so she'll never want to eat it again." He laughed at his own joke. Jared and I seemed to try to laugh but we really couldn't pull it off so it must look really weird to an outsider.

"Oh, Paul that venison meat just got back from the butcher, its in my mom's freezer. I picked it up for YOU."

Paul just looked at him for a minute. For a whole awkward minute the two of them just looked at each other until he finally answered him, "Oh man, I completely forgot about it. It is Kim's actually."

I looked at Paul confused, "what?"

He turned to look at me, "Remember when you asked if I would teach you how to hunt I told you that I would do it for you. Well, I got a deer for you. It completely slipped my mind. Jared and I went hunting a little while back. He, ugh…took care of it for me." He looked at Jared again, "Right man?"

"Ya right. Paul wanted to make sure you got one before the deer move higher into the mountains for the summer months."

I looked at both of them kind of confused. "Oh thanks guys, I really appreciate it." I decided it was time for me to leave and let them to talk without me hanging in the background. Walking carefully along the river bed I took the supplies I was carrying and went to find a good spot to fish from.

I could hear the two of them murmuring while I started the fishing pole prep that Paul had taught me. I was hoping to impress him.

"Bye Kim, g...good luck fishing." Jared hollered to me.

I smiled and waved bye. Paul sat down next to me and began inspecting my work.

"Nice but will you impress the fish today?" He teased and soon we were quietly enjoying a few hours of escape.

.

Another Sunday full of rain, I walked around the house looking for signs that the tarps were leaking. The living room ceiling showed a small wet mark.

Outside the one end of the tarp must have lifted from the wind. I needed to add another 2X4 to the corner to make sure it lays straight to prevent any farther damage. Grabbing my rain gear, I went through the garage looking for a piece of wood that could use to easily secure the tarp. The ladder, hammer and nails were right where I kept my roof supplies. Having done this numerous times, it was just easier to keep everything at the ready.

The rain seemed to begin to come down harder as soon as I climbed the ladder. Right in the middle of nailing my first nail into place, I heard someone shouting. Looking around I didn't see anyone at first so I went back to work.

'KIM! KIM!" I looked to where I heard the noise.

There was Jared at the base of the ladder in just a pair of mesh shorts yelling up at me. He was saying something but I couldn't hear him above the pounding rain.

"WHAT?"

Again he said something but I couldn't tell what it was. Frustrated with the inability to hear, I stopped nailing and climbed down. Jared was at the bottom holding onto the ladder looking very upset.

He was so anxious that I immediately thought something was wrong with him. The single thought had me panicking and yet at the same time confused.

"Jared's what's wrong? Are you okay? Do you need help?" My feelings are intense and confusing.

"Kim, what are you doing? You are trying to get yourself killed?

"Uh? What? What's wrong?" I was so confused.

Jared closed his eyes and seemed to be reining in his temper. He blew out a big breath and opened his eyes looking straight into mine.

I got stuck. My feelings were exploding again. He was my center and I started to feel this overwhelming feeling of love for him. When I started to sway, I snapped out of it.

Jared must have been doing the same thing because as soon as I did he shook his head and looked to the woods and took another breath.

"Kim, why are you climbing on your roof in the middle of a down pour?

"The flap came up and it's leaking so I needed to secure it again." Why is he here and why is he asking me this?

He shook his head and held out his hand. What is he doing?

"Give me the hammer and nails, I'll finish it."

"No, no I got it. It's not a big deal, I do it all the time."

He blew out another breath, "Please Kim, it looked like you were going to fall. Let me do this please."

He was pleading, actually pleading. Why is he doing this? His voice was full of distress so much that without a word I hand over my pouch of nails and hammer.

His body shagged and he gave me a small smile before climbing the ladder. As I held it to make sure it didn't slip and hearing him nail down the new board, my mind was reeling. Why is he here? Why is he being nice to me? Why do I react to him like I do? Mental illness with an obsessive disorder focusing on Jared had to be a definite possibility. I felt him making his way down the ladder when I turned to see the front door open. A disheveled man came stumbling out and almost right into me.

"Hey sweetie." He said in a creepy voice.

Jared grabbed my arm and pulled me behind him. He cut off my view of him quickly when he moved in front of me.

"You won't talk to her like that." Jared was tense and he seemed to grow taller as he leaned over the man.

"Whoa, Whoa fella, I was just saying hi to your girl. No need to get all huffy and puffy. I'm leaving. I'm leaving." Of course, when he said 'your girl' I started to blush. Jared was probably irritated that he would even think we were together.

We both watched the guy get in his car and pull away. Jared turned around. "Was that guy here last night?"

I wanted to crawl in a hole. Why did everyone have to know all of the embarrassing parts of my life?

"He's a friend of my moms."

"That's a friend?" He looked disgusted. My embarrassment was tripled. I wanted to cry for the hundredth time this month. Why did it always seem to somehow relate to Jared?

"Thanks for fixing the roof. I have to go." I grabbed the pouch of nails and hammer from him and headed towards the side door of the garage without looking back. I almost let the door close on him when I realized he was carrying the ladder.

"Oh sorry, here let me get that ladder." I quickly dropped the hammer and nails just inside the garage.

"I got this. Just hold the door for me."

I held the door while he went into the garage and leaned the ladder against the wall. My heart was racing and I could feel myself breathing harder to pump oxygen faster through my body. Unable to move from the door, the feelings were overwhelming: embarrassment, sadness, longing, loneliness, just everything crashing through me.

In the softest voice I had ever heard Jared speak, "Kim? Are you okay? I..I…I didn't mean…um…please…" He blew out a breath and looked like he wanted to cry. "Kim, I am so sorry. I was stupid, really stupid for a long time and…and…I let my ego and ignorance make decisions that I will never be able to forgive myself for."

The words were calming and I started just let what he said flow through me. I couldn't look at him.

He took another big breath, "I am embarrassed by the person I used to be. I realize that you can't forgive me for what I have done in the past and I don't want you to either. Just know that I am trying to become a better person." His voice broke at the end and he cleared it quickly, "If any guy stays here at night please call Paul. Just call him so he knows… and you'll be protected and…and…just call him. I'm sorry." Jared turned and ran towards the tree line, quickly vanishing inside.

.

The student group wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. Over time, the group grew from just Paul and me to include a lot of other students. The once barren classroom quickly filled up with myself, Paul, Embry, Jacob, and Quil. They turned out to be friends of Paul and Sam but they began treating me like a friend too. It took a while but I got used to their loud vulgar language. I had to laugh at the amount of times they would apologize when they felt they had spoken to crude. Embry and Quil seemed to compete for the grossest joke while Jake stressed over a girl he liked from Forks. Emily began just showing up on Fridays with one of the elders where we discussed and journal tribe customs, traditions, and celebrations. The guys were really vocal about educating others about our histories. Those lunches surprisingly became the best part of my day.

We even spend time together outside of school. They took turns picking me up from work. And I began eating at Sam and Emily's on Sundays. Sam was actually a nice guy. We both had a love for James Bond and both agreed Sean Connery was clearly hands down the best Bond. However, we would often debate over his second pick of George Lazenby to my Daniel Craig. I even looked forward to talking to him when he picked me up. During Bond Week on cable I spend a Saturday evening watching Dr. No with him and Emily.

Paul must spend a lot of time with Jared that I didn't hear about. He called the night that Jared helped fix the roof and gave me an earful for not letting him know someone had been at the house the night before. I, of course pointed out that there was no call because I only agreed to call if someone creeped me out. I didn't even see the guy until he was leaving the next morning. That didn't go over very well. Following a brief argument, I relented to call when anyone was over even in the middle of the night.

.

After almost three years of being in high school without friends, I now had people that looked out for me even more weird that they were all guys. However, today was the first day in a long time that I didn't see one of them. During first bell, Cindy walked in and made sure to knock my books off my desk but that wasn't anything that different than what she usually does. Everything was fine until the teacher had to run back to the office before she started class even after that bell rang. I took out my book and picked up where I left off last night. The seat in front of me had been empty since Jared left and Paul usually sat there now but he was absent today. So when I noticed a body plop down into it I looked up. That was a mistake.

Tony Sivels was turned around looking at me with a smirk that I knew meant he was going to bother me in some way.

"Hi Kim, I hear you are taking care of my man Jared now."

What the hell was he talking about? What is he trying to harass me into saying or doing? I looked down at my book again.

"Damn, you must be good if he can't even show his face at school. And I really want to get a piece of that ass if it's that great. Jared and I are bros, we share everything and I want to share you." He touched my arm and I couldn't take it anymore. Just as class was starting I raced past the teacher out into the hallway. The music and art hallway was always deserted when classes were in session. I had used it numerous times before.

I got to the end of the dead-end hallway and leaned against the wall and listened to the music students practicing for their end of the year concert.

Closing my eyes, I couldn't help but go over everything that Tony had said. Why must everything revolve around Jared? He seems to be a key factor in everything going on in my life right now. I didn't believe Tony had said about him. Jared hadn't treated me right but this wasn't like him. The Jared that helped me with the roof and what he said wasn't the person Tony was talking about. I know guys are different with their friends but after crushing on Jared for years I never heard or noticed him being crude. I had observed Tony doing it plenty of times though.

It was weird that I just missed seeing Jared. Even after all of the times he wasn't kind to me. Why do I have this longing to just see him?

"There you are. I've been lookin for ya." Tony's sticky sweet voice gave me a sick feeling.

A cold chill ran up my spine, I was cornered in. My only exit was going past him. Turning my back to him, I tried to make myself smaller.

"This is a great spot. We have to remember it." He was right behind me; I flinched when he started to caress my hair.

"Come on baby, don't play hard to get. We both know you need this – I need this."

He pushed the hair from my neck and began caressing my face.

"Tony STOP!" I pushed his hand away and turned to confront him if needed.

"Whoa baby," he grabbed me by the neck. "You can play hard to get but we both know this is going to happen."

I tried to knee him in the groin but he anticipated my move by turning his hips and slamming me back into the wall. My head banged against it making a thick thud.

"You'll pay for that bitch!"

His hand tightened on my neck and he began choking me. I desperately clawed at his hands but he was too strong. Again kneeing was fruitless, he had pinned my whole body against the wall. The self-defense training told me to go for his eyes so I tried desperately to claw at them. To stop me he used his other hand to punch me square in the face. I was dazed and my eyes were full of white spots. I was unable to think and function for a moment so he took that opportunity to slam me again against the wall. My blood was now flowing down my hair line down my shirt; I was struggling to stay conscious.

That's when he hit me again, he was swearing and yelling but I couldn't tell, I was too dazed and my ears were ringing. I let my body sag as I crumbled to the floor. My face hit it hard with a thud that rang in my ears. The coldness was pushing me to close my eyes.

When he kicked my chest the air was pushed from my chest and my ribs gave way. He was enraged and with each blow the pain was blinding.

When he finally stopped I could hear both of our breathing. I couldn't move, he would hit me again. I heard him spit and he left. It was sickly quiet with the exceptions of my breathing and the music from the band room. I needed to gain my strength to get out of there before the bell rang.

After a few minutes, I got myself off of the ground. Walking with the help of the wall, I made it to the side doors of the school at the other end of the hallway. Once outside and where I wouldn't be seen I sat down on a small retaining wall to get the energy to walk home. I just needed to get to my room. No one would get me there. I would be safe.

After a very long and painful walk through the forest I made it to the side of my house. My eyes were beginning to see spots again and I was light headed from struggling to breath. Tears were streaming down my face but I used every last bit of strength to get in the house. When I opened the door I had used up the last of my strength, I fell in the entry way. I could finally let the pain and darkness take over.

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	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

My head was foggy. It felt almost detached from my body. I could hear someone whispering. They sounded so distressed. It made me scared. What was going on? My mind couldn't focus and felt the heaviness of body begin to take over again.

Again my mind was trying to wake up. My body was being held down by an enormous weight. I felt like I was in a dream and I couldn't wake myself up. I was fighting to open my eyes. It was exhausting and my body soon lost all the energy that I was trying to use.

I could hear whispering again. The aching in my body was intense. I slowly opened my eyes and could see some blurry people standing and sitting around the room. I blinked a few times and they started to come into focus.

My mother's screeching startled me, "Oh Kimmy, oh thank gawd, I was so scared." She had tears running down her face. I couldn't remember seeing her so upset before. Where was I? I felt so confused.

I tried to talk but I had to swallow a few times because my throat was so dry. "Where am I?"

This seemed to make her cry harder. Emily came up behind her and pulled her into a hug. Sam was soon at my side, "Hey kid, you are at Forks General. Do you remember what happened to you?"

As soon as it said it, all of the events came flooding back to me. Tony's nasty comments, him beating me up, and struggling to get home, it all felt so long ago. "Yea"

"How are you feeling?"

"Terrible. I feel like I was beat up," smiling weakly at my joke.

Sam didn't seem to think it was funny at all. "Kim, the council will be taking care of this. The cameras were able to track you down the hallway and we know who followed you but the attack wasn't on camera. The Forks Police Chief wants to talk to you and get a statement. We need you to name him so he can be arrested. The council will be exiling him from the reservation as well. The tribe does not want that type of person a part of our people."

"How long have I been here?"

Sam gave a sad smile, "Since yesterday morning, so you have been out about twenty-four hours."

I shook my head. "How did I get here?" I looked over my body which was covered but I could see the bruises.

"Your mom called 911 when you came through the door covered in blood and unconscious."

"Oh" I turned away and looked out the window. My feelings were starting to creep in and I needed to squash them before I completely lost it. When do I get to have something good happen to me?

"Good morning Miss Connell, I am Dr. Cullen. I've been treating you since you came in yesterday morning."

I turned to look at him. He was really pale but strikingly handsome. His friendly smile made me feel at ease but Sam seemed to pace near the bed.

"We've been worried about you. How about I do a few tests while I let you know what we find, okay?"

"Okay."

Dr. Cullen went through a series of tests checking my ribs, neck, head, my eye sight and painfully my balance. Sam was kind enough to help me.

After he did his tests, he explained to us all that I had obviously plenty of bruises and a few stiches. My concussion was mild but I still needed to look out for dizziness, double vision, spots, etc. Two of my ribs were broken but they no longer recommend that be kept wrapped. It would impede my breathing too much. He was going to take some new x-rays and if he liked the results he would discharge me as long as I was carefully watched for those symptoms.

My mother couldn't help herself and hugged Dr. Cullen thanking him for staying the night to ensure I would be okay. Sam nodded to the doctor and seemed to relax when he left.

My mother continued to gush over me and how sorry she was for everything. She seemed to think it was confession because she promised to stop drinking and to pull her life together. However, I was no longer really here. Numbness was well on its way to taking care of my emotions.

Emily had gotten my mother to stop revealing all of her dirty little secrets and agreed to walk to the diner down the block to get something to eat. Sam said that he would stay with me.

"Sam, you can go with them. I'll be fine." I didn't want to be social and quietly lay here.

"No, you shouldn't be here alone. You never know who is around. I won't leave your side until we get back in La Push. Embry went with Emily and your mom. He was in the waiting room."

"Oh" What is he talking about? It began to feel awkward. Sam seemed very tense and couldn't relax even when he sat.

A rough knock at the door was followed by the Police Chief. I got to relive the attack all over again while Sam needed to leave when I mentioned Tony choking me. It was a lot faster than I thought it would take and soon it was just Sam and I again with the awkward silence.

Luckily, the nurse soon came to take me down to radiology and Sam insisted that he come along. It was quick and I soon was back in bed in my room. I just needed to wait for Dr. Cullen to read the pictures and let me know if I could go home.

As Sam and I quietly waited it dawned on me that this hospital stay would be costing us a fortune. A fortune that I certainly couldn't afford, I would definitely need to get another job this summer. And I never thought of it before but I should probably just get my GED and be free of high school all together.

Without worrying about going to school and getting hurt, I could work as much as I needed to pay the bills and even start some college classes in the fall. It was a solution that I couldn't believe I hadn't considered earlier.

"You are thinking awfully hard there Kim. What are you worried about?"

"Nothing, I figured it out."

"Figured what out?"

"I was thinking about paying for the hospital but I got it covered. "

"Kim, you aren't paying for this. That guy who did this to you will."

Sam sat down at the bottom of my bed. "Kim, I want you to know that I am sorry you were left unprotected. I should know better. One of the boys should have been in school with you. They were working for the tribe but protecting you is important too. I promise nothing will ever happen to you in school again."

"Thanks Sam, but you don't need to do that. I'm just going to get my GED and I won't ever have to worry about that again. No one will."

"What? No, no you….Kim, you can't drop out. Don't let this do that to you."

"I am not dropping out. I am getting a degree which I could easily take it now and get without having to do anything." Sam was getting so upset. It was like he couldn't believe that it would work.

"Don't Kim, please don't make this decision now. Everything is raw right now. Please just wait. For me just wait. I feel guilty already that I didn't make sure you were protected and because of that you're in danger again." A cold chill ran up my spine.

"I'm in danger?"

He looked at me almost shocked then seemed to be uncomfortable. "No, I mean…I mean I'll make sure your safe here. I'll protect you while you here."

"Oh okay." I decided not to bring up getting my GED again. This was something I really think I need to look into.

Sam's cell phone buzzed with a message. He read it and shook his head and began typing a reply. Within seconds of his reply his cell began to ring, "Don't bother. The answer is NO! As I sent you guys a text earlier, she's awake, talking, and as good as to be expected. We are just waiting for the results of her x-ray, if they are good then we are heading back to LaPush. Embry and I have it covered here. We don't need another incident to raise suspicion to why you guys are so out of control." He listened for a second and what ever was said on the phone was making him angry. "NO, that's an order. I want everyone running patrol until I get back! Overwhelming her is the last thing she needs." With that he hung up and began rubbing his eyes. I guess it was some the guys. It's sweet that they wanted to visit but Sam is right I don't want any visitors.

As I turned to look out the window again, I noticed several flowers around the room.

"Who are the flowers from?"

He smiled and walked to each arrangement and read the cards. There was even a simple arrangement of pink flowers were from the ladies at work. He told me that Paul let them know that I was hurt and probably won't in for a while. Another from Sam and Emily, the elders, Paul, Jacob, Embry and Quil sent one together but he didn't tell me who the big vase of red rose were from.

"Sam, who sent the roses?"

He gave me a weird look and told me it didn't have a card.

Dr. Cullen walked in right afterwards, "Well Miss Connell, your pictures are good. The brake in your ribs are clean without fragments. We checked when you were unconscious but I wanted to double check to make sure that you didn't have any that could cause possible punctures to your lungs. However, I would like Chief Uley to bring you back at the end of the week to check your ribs and possible long term effect from your head concussion. I am going to prescribe some painkillers which the nurse will be giving you soon so your ride back to La Push is less painful and of course bedrest."

"Thank you Dr. Cullen but is it really necessary to come back?"

"I think it's best to make sure your ribs are healing correctly and if you don't watch a concussion then it could lead to severe problems in the future. I know Chief Uley will not mind escorting you."

Sam shook his head, "Kim, if you need checked to make sure you are healthy then you'll come." How was I going to pay for this? Do hospitals give a line of credit or do you have to pay up front?

I felt embarrassed to ask but I had never had to deal with this before, "Um, do you have to pay up front or can you bill me?"

Dr. Cullen looked stunned for a moment but he quickly recovered, "You pay nothing. Your visit here and my visits are completely free. We are doing this Pro bono. The Quileute tribe has been very accommodating to me and my family in the past and it has been an honor to care for one of their own."

"But but….you don't know me."

"I know Chief Uley. He would not let you to be here unless he felt it was imperative that you immediately needed care so again I am honored."

Sam nodded his head to Dr. Cullen.

"Kim, I'll have the nurse give you your appointment time on your discharge papers and give you a list of symptoms to look out for. I'll also give Chief Uley my number to call me personally if he feels you need seen sooner." He gave me a small smile and nod and left.

Wow, I can't imagine what the cost must be. I almost didn't know what to say.

Emily, Embry and my mom returned soon after Dr. Cullen left. All three of them had tears in their eyes and Embry gave me the softest hug.

Sam was immediately concerned. "Emily, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

She leaned in and lightly kissed his lips, "Yes, I am fine. We all just have some talking to do when we get back to our place. Kim is staying with us for a while."

She turned to my mother and hugged her. They both started crying again. I was staying with Sam and Emily?

Something had obviously happened, the painkillers were obviously beginning to wear off as my body began to ache, "What's going on?"

My mother released Emily and sat at the end of the bed. "Kim, I don't want to talk about everything here but I want to get better. I have never been honest with you and finally seeing you like that forced me to look honestly at myself. Sorry isn't going to be good enough but actually getting better will. I love you and know I am going to show you."

I couldn't help but smile but kind of nervous too. Change isn't always something better. She had made promises of changing before so it was hard to believe that she would actually do it. The pain would always be there and alcohol was an easy way to dull that.

While my mom talked with Emily about my stay, Sam, Embry, and I sat in silence. Embry was trying to hide his eyes. He kept looking at me and Sam and wiping them. I hope he didn't feel guilty like Sam said he did. The nurse came in and went through everything Dr. Cullen explained earlier. My ribs were beginning to ache was sharp pains here and there. The boys left when it was time to get dressed and go; they had stopped and picked me up some sweat pants and a shirt that my mom and Emily helped me with.

The trip back to Sam and Emily's was very painful. I know Sam was trying to drive with me in mind but it was impossible not to hit a few bumps along the road. My mom sat in the back of car with me but she was obviously starting to really feel the effects of her lack of alcohol. Her hands shook and she looked like she was beginning to sweat. Embry must have driven himself there because he didn't leave with us.

I could have cried when their house came into view. Grinding my teeth so I wouldn't cry out was wearing me out. Are the painkillers really working? I didn't realize that tears were streaming down my face until Emily commented on them when we stopped in front of the house.

"Oh Kim, we are going to get you in the guest room as soon as we can. Sue Clearwater, one of the elders came over and made sure it was ready for you. Sam will carry you if you think that would help."

I held back a sob, "No, not touching me would be best. I need to lie down."

Embry must of beat us back because he and Sam slowly walked with me into the guest room on the main floor. The pain seemed to spike when I lied down but it passed. I was exhausted and quickly fell asleep.

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	11. Chapter 11

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Chapter 11

It was dusk when I woke again and I could hear voices in the other room. My eyes quickly looked over in the corner of the room when a small movement caught my eye. Jared. He was asleep in a chair. His clothes were dirty and he looked…well he looked a mess. His short haircut had grown out and was dirty, he had bruises on his cheek and left eye, and his body was really dirty. Jared looked like he had been living in the forest. Why was he here?

I moved a little hoping to alleviate the dull ache in my side. It had been a mistake. I hissed in pain when I felt a stabbing pain run down my side. When I opened my eyes again, Jared was standing at the bottom of my bed with his hand extended and tears running down his face. I got caught in his eyes again. Why do I feel this weird feeling when I look in his eyes? I got to forget my pain, loneliness and sadness just for a few moments. I don't know how long we just looked at each other but he broke the connection when he blinked and looked away.

"I'll go get Emily," he said in a gruff voice and quickly left the room.

I was still looking at the door when Emily came in with a small smile on her face.

"How are you feeling sweetie? I brought your pain pills. You can take them again if you need them. Dr. Cullen told Sam that it's better to stop the pain before it gets back. It's much harder to bring the pain down and requires more medication to do so.

She brought me some pizza that I had little appetite for but ate. The painkillers were definitely taking affect and she helped me move to the living room couch. Sam and Embry were the only ones there.

"Where is everyone?"

Sam snorted, "I told them to stay away until we got to talk to you."

"Where's my mom?" I asked when I looked around the room.

Sam sat down next to me. "She's getting help with her drinking problem. When you were unconscious, she had quite a break down. I think your attack was a wakeup call that she needed to see. We spoke with Dr. Cullen about getting her the help she needed and it was felt that she start immediately. They discussed pain solutions to her nerve damage that your mom was unaware of. He is going to work with her in recovery to help her deal with the pain management that she had been trying to dull with alcohol. He got her in a state of the art rehab facility in Seattle. Unfortunately, she'll be in detox for twenty-eight days and isn't allowed any outside contact."

"She's in rehab?" I couldn't believe my ears. I never thought it was possible.

Emily smiled and sat on the other side of me, "Yes, she is committed to getting better."

"Wow, I am not sure what to think."

Emily took my hand in hers, "Kim, we need to discuss something with you."

Emily looked at me, "Your mom wanted to be the one to tell you but the withdraws required her to leave before she could do that."

I was wary but the meds gave me a fuzzy feeling that helped with my anxiety. "Okay."

"Your mom told us that you have always wondered who your father was." Oh crap, she told them. I am going to finally know. I had wanted to know forever but now that it was here I was kind of scared.

Emily smiled, "Don't be scared. It's a good thing." I tried to smile back but my heart was racing.

Emily paused and looked at Sam then back at me. "Your mom didn't want to tell you because she had an affair. She was seeing a man that was married and already had a child. She loved him and knew it was wrong but did it anyways. When she found out she was pregnant with you, he left, not only her but his wife and son. He went to live on the Makah reservation for a period of time. While there he began seeing another woman. Being the fertile guy he was she became pregnant as well. Upon hearing he had gotten another woman pregnant, he left the area altogether. The woman from the Makah tribe didn't know he was still married when she began the affair but moved to La Push hoping he would return to have a relationship his son. However, that never happened. The two mistresses found out about each other and vowed to keep it a secret to save their name and embarrassment of their children."

I tried to piece all of the information that Emily was giving me together. My mom had an affair with a married man? He was my dad? I knew the meds were slowing down my processing; they were waiting for me to realize something. I tried to concentrate.

Emily slowly tugged on my hand, "Kim, the man was Sam's dad Joshua Uley. Embry's mother is the other woman from the Makah tribe."

Oh crap. My mouth dropped open and I looked at Sam and Embry.

In a soft whispered voice, "You're my brothers?"

Sam slowly nodded his head. Embry wiped his eyes again and got up from his chair. He kneeled in front of me. "I knew I loved you like a sister for a reason." He smiled and leaned forward and lightly hugged me.

I was in shock. I had brothers and one was the chief. Disbelief and shock seemed to slowly creep through my mind.

Sam pulled me from my mind, "Kim, I am requesting temporary custody of you until your mother is well enough to care for you herself. Our father knew how to charm the ladies and wasn't really a good guy but I couldn't be happier to know that the three of us are family. I would love for you to live with us and get to know you better like a big brother should." He smiled.

And that did it, I began sobbing. My feelings were all over the place. One moment I was happy I finally knew, then that I had a family that I didn't know about. I was scared they were upset that their sister was the weak dramatic girl that constantly needed looking after; and I cried and cried. I wanted to wish for everything to go back to the way it was with me quietly depressed hiding in my room and the other part wanted to jump for joy that I finally had someone that would look out for me. My self-doubt always seemed to win. What if they were disappointed to find out I was their sister?

I quickly wiped my eyes and made sure I dried up my face. "I am going to go lay down for bit if you don't mind."

Embry gave me a weird look then backed up to help me get up from the couch. When I lied back down, I almost immediately fell back asleep.

.

I woke up with the morning sun shining through the light blue curtains. There was a glass of water and my pills sitting on the bedside table and I took them so I could hopefully get up soon and take a shower. I couldn't hear any movement or talking in the other room but a faint sound of the television.

I lied in bed hoping I was going to be able to move around more today. Suddenly, I could hear Emily's voice in the other room.

"Embry, you are going to school today. You've already missed so much. She'll be here when you get home."

"Em, she needs me. Just like her I have wondered my whole life who my dad is. I'm the only other person that understands. She's my sister! After all of these years of passing her in the hall and never realizing it, she has to hate me for not taking care of her. Brothers are supposed to protect. I need to explain, don't make me go. Please."

She must have hugged him because her voice was muffled, "Embry, she is dealing with a lot right now. Kim needs time to process and accept all of the changes and things that have happened recently. Give her a few hours to do that. You can't push her to understand or accept. She needs time alone to deal with her feelings just like you've been able to do when you found out. You saw how she shut down. Her entire life has been turned upside down and she doesn't even know the half of it yet. If we push her too soon then it will only take her longer to heal and understand. Give her that, time to heal and understand. When you get out of school and come right here. If she is willing to talk to you then we'll give you and her privacy to do that. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good, make sure Paul stays there as well. He's finishing up patrol with Sam and I am sure he'll try to skip as well."

"You better get Sam to alpha order him because he won't listen to me. I think he wishes he was her biological brother too from the way he has been thinking about her. He's gotten really close with her and wants to talk her himself."

"I'll do that. Go out back and phase so I can relay that message to Paul and Sam myself."

I heard the back door close a few moments later. Maybe Embry wasn't disappointed, he didn't sound that way. He couldn't have known that I heard him.

Emily was right. I need to take in everything that has happened and try to understand it. I know that my life will never go back to what it was. I have two brothers and my mother is actually getting the help I prayed for. I shouldn't be crying I should be celebrating. My feelings were all over the place and I have been trying to squish my strong feelings for so long that I've never properly dealt with them. I felt determined to do this.

I winced as I got out of bed. A shower and clean clothes was going to help wash away the negative feelings that I needed to rid myself of.

In the bathroom I refused to look at myself, the bruises were fresh and I didn't want to relive the attack. After a long a refreshing shower, I found a pair of my black yoga pants, bright blue v-neck shirt and clean undergarments laying on the bed.

I slowly made my way down the hall to the living room. I didn't see Emily or Sam so I moved to the kitchen.

Emily was cooking and Sam was looking through some papers.

As I walked in Sam looked up and smiled.

"Good morning." I squeaked.

He got up and walked over to help me sit in one of the chairs.

Emily put a cup of coffee in front of me, "How's your pain this morning?"

"Um…manageable."

Sam sat across from me, "Emily, put your pills next to your bed. Did you get a chance to take them?"

"I did. I let them kick in a bit before I took my shower. Oh…uh…thank you for getting my clothes. I used the new toothbrush and shampoo if you don't mind."

Emily gushed, "No, of course not. I put them there for you, you're family now remember." She smiled and I couldn't help but smile too.

Sam's face seemed to soften, "Kim, I was hoping after breakfast that we could sit down and talk."

Emily got upset, "Sam, don't push her into talking. She will when she's ready." He looked a bit scolded but I actually was ready.

"Emily, I am ready. I have a lot of things to process, talk and think about. My emotions have been haywired these past few months some of the worst and best of my life. I am still trying to deal with them and I hope to do that today."

Emily smiled, "I hope you understand we are here for you. Remember you didn't just gain two brothers but a sister as well. I couldn't be happier to have you a part of our family." I smiled back at her.

Breakfast consisted of some scrambled eggs and bacon. By the time we finished I needed to sit somewhere that didn't put pressure on my chest. Sitting back on the couch would be my best bet.

Emily followed me in the living with a fresh cup of coffee. The warmness of the coffee actually felt good. Emily sat next to me and turned to face me. Sam was in the chair across from me.

It started to feel a bit weird so to break the ice I asked, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Sam chuckled and scratched his head, "I am not sure where to start."

I wasn't sure either but I wanted to know about our father though but I didn't want to sound insensitive to the fact my mother had an affair with him.

"Um, how about I tell you about my life as much as I can think of then you could do the same for me?"

He smiled, "I'd like that."

I gave him an abbreviated version of my life and even the sad details of my mother's alcoholism and struggle to survive with little money. He asked a few questions here and there but up until a few months ago my life wasn't exciting just a struggle.

"Thanks for telling me all of that. Let me give you some details of my life as well."

I nodded my head and Sam gave me the short version of his life as well. Our father really hadn't been a real factor in his life even though Joshua openly admitted that he was his. It was interesting that he had broken up with his ex-girlfriend but later starting dating her cousin which was Emily. It sounded a bit jerky but I loved Emily so I guess it would explain how he easily fell in love with her.

"So when are you two getting married?"

Emily smiled, "In the fall. I want a simple ceremony in a small clearing in the forest with the leaves changing colors followed by a big picnic here at the house with all of our family and friends. I would love if you would be my maid of honor too."

"Oh, I…I'm so flattered that you would ask. I would be honored too but don't you have an old friend that would kind of expect to have that honor?"

Emily gave me a sad smile, "I lost a lot of friends when I moved to La Push and when Sam broke up with Leah, many people see me as a bad person. I am not trying to pressure you but you're the closest thing I got to a girl friend right now."

I tried not to laugh when I snorted, "Emily you ARE the only friend that is a girl I have had in probably three years besides the older ladies from work. I would be honored to stand with you."

She gave me a light hug and Sam seemed to beam from his chair across from me. He slightly shook his head, "Kim, I did want to ask you about school." I couldn't help but tense slightly.

"Have you always been bullied?"

It was embarrassing to know your newly found big brother knows you were bullied but it was certainly obvious since I was sitting on his couch because of it.

"No, it only started in ninth grade. My old friends had kind of given up on me and I became an easy target for the so called popular group because I didn't have any friends. It got more often as time went on. I never fought back or told so they felt it was just something to do I guess. Like a peddle in the road, you kick it just because it's there and you want to see how far it will go. I guess Tony felt he could go as far as he wanted." I cleared my throat. "I am just worried that if they felt they could get away with that then what will happen next."

"Kim, I told you that you will never be unprotected again. In fact, after the guys reaction to what happened you have nothing to worry about. However, I did want to ask you. I know that Jared wasn't necessarily a central figure in those years of bullying but did the day your bag and money was taken. Shortly after that incident Jared became close friends with us and began working for the tribe. I'll just say that something happened in his life that made him grow well beyond his years. What I am really trying to ask is that is it okay that he hang out here while you live with us?"

Jared hangs out here? Why is Sam asking me?

"Sam, this is your house, not mine, I have no say in who should or shouldn't be here."

Emily interrupted, "Of course you have a say. Kim, if someone or something makes you uncomfortable then how can you feel safe in your own home or that of your older brother? We want you to feel safe and loved because we love you."

That was it. My emotions were now going to beginning flooding out in a not so pretty way. The gates had been broken with her mentioning loving me. I had been beaten, my mother is in rehab, I know who my father is, have a family now and my brothers and soon-to-be sister-in-law that love me.

I began sobbing uncontrollably with pain in my chest increasing with each tear. I didn't even realize Emily had moved over to hold my shoulders. She began whispering in my ear that I would never be alone again and I'd always be loved. They would always protect and take care of me.

When I began to settle down and take short breathes to decrease the pain, I noticed that Sam wasn't sitting in the living room anymore.

Emily cut my negative thoughts off before I even had a chance to go there.

"Sam is like a lot of guys, they just can't handle seeing a woman cry. Nor can he let someone see him cry. He needs to be alone for a while until he pulls himself together."

"Really?"

Emily lightly laughed, "Yes, he has been trying not to cry in front of you or the guys but sometimes it's just too much."

I nodded and a sharp pain shot through my side. Moving around and crying was just too much too soon and I needed to lie back down.

"Obviously you need to lay back down. Let's get you back in bed."

"Okay, but I am not really tired just kind of worn out." I gave a weak smile.

She helped me get back in bed and lied down next to me. It was like she knew what I needed and when.

After a few moments I broke the silence with something that had been in the back of my mind, "Emily, why was Jared in here yesterday?"

She got up on one of her elbows to face me. "Let me ask you something first, I am asking that you to be honest with yourself and with me and don't be scared of it."

"Okay"

"Do you have feelings for Jared?"

How did she did know? She was there when I went off on him. I just didn't understand how I felt though.

I whispered, "I do." And the tears came again.

Emily nodded. "Kim, I know that ever since that night you were here. You have been fighting with your heart and your head. Emotions have been high and low and everything in between especially when it comes to him."

"I just don't understand why I do though. I should hate him like the others but I've never been able to."

Emily smiled, "Remember when we talked about Jared during one of our first lunches together?"

"Yes"

"Well, I hope you're not upset but I told him a little of what you said. I think it really did have an impact on what he thought of himself and particularly you. I'll just say you have had a profound effect on his life and for the better. So when you ask why he was here, well it was you that changed him and when he found out what happened he took it personally that he wasn't there to protect you. He has had quite a blow up with his old friends regarding his and their treatment of you. When it was suspected that Tony was the attacker he kind of lost it for a while actually he and Paul had quite a fight. Even Tony is responsible for his own actions Jared felt guilty he wasn't there."

"Oh"

"So, again is it okay that he visits while you live here?"

"Um yea, I guess I do need to at least give him a chance."

She smiled and brushed the hair from my forehead.

"Emily, can you promise me that if I tell you something that you'll keep between the two of us?"

"Of course, I promise it will only stay between us."

"I have had feelings for Jared for as long as I can remember. When someone would pick on me and he was there laughing, it seemed to hurt me more than the actual person doing the bullying. The day that my bag and money was taken was devastating to me. I had always at least appreciated that he didn't take part but when he shoved me and I bled it felt like it was the final rejection. He had dated a lot of girls and I wasn't jealous just kind of hurt that he was. It felt like I was betrayed."

I cleared my throat, "I have always thought it was a silly crush that I would grow out of but now it's so much more than that. I think I got so angry because it's easier to forgive someone you don't care about but when it's someone that you do then it hurts so much more. Why is it that what he thinks about me is so much more important than anyone else? His rejection hurts so much more and it's easier to be angry than to really face what he thinks of me."

"Kim, I think you would be surprised to know what he thinks of you. Like I said before, Jared can't change the past and his ignorance but he can try to overcome it. I just ask that you give him a honest chance to do that. You have to believe that there is a reason behind that but if you close yourself off you may never allow yourself to find out the reason."

"Okay." She beamed.

"While we're alone, I wanted to ask you how you feel about finding out about your dad?"

"Weird, I always thought it would be a profound moment but it seems stupid that he was cheating. I am not embarrassed that I was born but more like what a slime that he didn't stand up and at least be a man about it. I would like to see a picture of him though. I have always wondered who I look like."

Emily smiled, "I am sure Sam has a picture somewhere. He doesn't have much use for his dad. I guess he was a pretty much a jerk."

I had to smile, "So I guess I didn't miss anything then."

"Nope, I don't think you did. What about Sam and Embry? How do you feel about them being your brothers?"

"I feel kind of numb. It has a shock at first and all of my insecurities seemed to rule yesterday."

Emily burrow pulled together, "Insecurities?"

Damn, I shouldn't of said anything. "That they would be disappointed that I was their sister, you know, the girl with all of the problems."

Emily started to laugh and shook her head, "The three of you are definitely related. Embry and Sam thought the same thing about you. They are afraid that you won't want them in your life. I can't really speak for Embry but since Sam found out he has gone through a lot of emotions. At first, he was upset that his dad would cheat on his mother then realized that it wasn't surprising at all. Yet, when he realized that Embry and you were siblings he was thrilled. He loves the boys and me but having a brother and sister are different. Especially you, he feels like he can more effectively help you. He gets the right to be one of the most important men in your life and have a little sister to protect. He has already started the paperwork to gain custody of you. Honestly, I haven't seen Sam this happy over something in a long time."

"Oh"

"But at the same time, I think he is kind of overwhelmed just like you. He loves you and when the kid hurt you he was just as upset as the others if not more. He had to order all of the boys to leave because they were….well upset and caused a scene. He refused to leave you especially in the hospital. Sam might come off as a tough guy but he really broke down when he saw you. He feels somewhat responsible and loves that he has a right to help control what happens from now on."

I smiled. Everything that Emily said really hit home for me. I felt exhausted. The emotional toll and pain were catching up with me.

"Kim, you look like you're really tired. Why don't you sleep and I'll go make something terribly fattening for us to enjoy later."

I nodded and as soon as my eyes closed I was out.

**This chapter was originally two but combined them**.** It felt choppy before.**

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	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I awoke to some loud whispering. They should probably just talk in a normal voice, it wouldn't be as loud as the whispering would be. I couldn't tell what they were saying and decided that I was too tired to care. I rolled my eyes and took another dose of my painkillers. I decided to doze for twenty minutes hoping that they would kick in by the time I got up. Finally, the pain seemed manageable and I got up to use the restroom. I think they heard me because I almost laughed when the whispering seemed to suddenly stop then begin again in a much quieter tone.

Walking down the hall to the living room was a bit nerve racking. So much had changed since yesterday, I wasn't sure how to act. Embry's big smile was the first thing I saw, I couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey big sis, how's it hanging?"

I had to raise an eyebrow, "Uh, it isn't hanging which I would be concerned if it did though."

The guys had to laugh and Embry did too but not without turning bright red. "But I could use a hug from my little brother." Obviously, he was really happy with that because he beamed and came over and gently hugged and kissed my head.

Quil walked over and gave me a hug as well, "That asshole Tony is lucky he's in jail because we would all love to kick his ass then hold him down so you could too."

Embry had to add, "Hell ya! I hope he meets someone 'special' in jail."

"Uh…thanks?"

Jacob wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "My dad is best friends with the Forks Police Chief Charlie Swan. The council is asking for him to take care of this even though it happened on the reservation. Supposedly, that guy's parents are freaking out and are looking for a plea bargain already. Charlie said he is making his time in jail a '_memorable'_ one."

"Oh." I wasn't sure how I felt about that but I would be happy if I never see him again.

Quil wrapped his arm around my other side, "Kimmy, are you hungry? I am starved. Emily said we can't have any brownies until you eat as many as you want first."

Slowly walking over to the couch, "Well, first if you or anyone calls me Kimmy again then no one gets any but if everyone agrees never to call me that again then I'll take one and you guys can split the rest."

"AGREED!"

Quil ran into the kitchen and returned with a glass of water and solitary brownie on a napkin for me.

"Thanks" He smiled back then the stampede to the kitchen began. Paul was the only one that didn't follow the others.

He moved to sit beside me. I instantly began to feel embarrassed. Not that I didn't try to find back but still embarrassed just the same. I looked down at the napkin and began to pick at it.

He slowly leaned over, "I hope you noticed that I didn't agree not to call you Kimmy. Thanks for the ammo." Of course, his signature smirk was plastered across his face.

This is why I loved Paul so much. He has a way of making an uncomfortable moment relaxed and knows how to break the tension without making me feel like a burden. I decided to do the same to him so I pinched his arm.

"OUCH! Emily, Kim's pinching me!" He called at the top of his lungs.

She stuck her head in from the kitchen entrance.

"Paul, I know that I feed and treat each and every one of you like my own children BUT I am 20 years old. I am not going to break up every little problem you have. Plus, Kim wouldn't hurt a fly. Right Kim?"

I smiled back at her, "Yes, Emily." She smiled and went back into the kitchen.

I turned my smile to Paul enjoying his pout.

"Just wait until you are healed. I am gifted in the ways of tickle torture."

"You wouldn't do that to me. You love me remember."

He smiled at me and lightly hugged me sideways on the couch. Of course, he had to ruin the moment by bringing up what happened.

"I am sorry Kim, I should have been there. We won't leave you like that again. I promise." He was determined as he spoke.

"It's not your fault or anyone but Tony. He was obviously mad at someone else and for whatever reason decided that he was going to take it out on me."

"What do you mean mad at someone else?"

Damn I didn't want to bring Jared up in all of this. "He was mad at someone and decided that I was an easy target to take his anger out on."

"Who?" Did Paul always figure out when I was avoiding something?

I picked up my brownie to take a bite, "I don't know."

"Bullshit!" I snapped my eyes to his. "You know exactly who. Who was he mad at?!"

His outburst brought the guys out of the kitchen back into the living room. Embry was quickly by my side. "Paul what are you yelling about? And why are you yelling at her of all people?" His voice sounded accusatory and irritated.

"Tony went after her because he was mad at someone but she won't tell me who?"

The guys had moved into the room and all looked at me confused. I had enough and started to move to get up from the couch.

Paul grabbed my arm, "Don't even think about it. You can't avoid this. Who was Tony mad at?"

I blew out a frustrated breath, "Paul, drop it."

"No, who?"

"Why is it important? Tony doing this was his fault not the person he was mad at."

"It was Jared wasn't it. He was mad at Jared."

I looked away. This wasn't his fault and I didn't want Paul to get mad at him for something that he had nothing to do with.

Paul's frustration with me was too much and he got up and left. I couldn't watch him. Overwhelmed with guilt I had to look the other way. He was one of the few that I trust and I didn't want to disappoint him. I would probably tell him but I didn't want him to get mad at Jared.

Now the bubble had burst and this is what I wanted to avoid, Kim the drama queen. I was suddenly felt crowded and needed to away from all of these people. Alone is what was I used to and being around people that didn't just ignore me was emotionally difficult.

Slowly I moved again to get up again from the couch, Embry was not happy about that though.

"Wait, wait, don't go. Ignore Paul, he's just upset that he wasn't there to stop Tony. Heck, we're all upset about not being there but don't go. Please Kim, please."

The desperation in his voice almost stopped me. Here I was AGAIN disappointing someone. I needed to fix this. I had heard him this morning with Emily and he deserved some answers but I just couldn't do this in front of everyone.

"Um…I need to lie down. Sitting like this is hurting too much, let me rest for a little then we can talk okay?" I gave him a small smile

With a sad smile he nodded and helped me up and down the hall. "Embry, I'm sorry. I just need to be alone a little then we'll talk. Give me thirty minutes then come back."

This seemed to brighten his mood a bit and he left with a promise to be back in thirty.

I laid there staring out the window. The trees swaying from the wind and the clouds moving quickly through the sky, I was mesmerized. It helped numb my self-hate for not telling Paul the truth. He had done so much for me but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that Tony was obviously mad at Jared. I just didn't want him to get mad at him when it was Tony that chose to hurt me. I had this weird feeling that Paul would want to hurt Jared and I just couldn't let that happen. The thought of Jared hurt just really seem to bother me.

After laying there for a while I decided that I needed to talk to Paul and hopefully rebuilt his trust in me. I couldn't lose Paul. Maybe I could get him to understand.

There was a knock at my door. "Come in."

Embry poked his head around the door with a big smile. I couldn't help smiling back.

"Want some company?"

He was so cute, how could I resist such nice guy. I smiled back at him. "Only if it's you"

With a mischievous smile, "That's what she said."

I had to giggle. He always brought a light-hearted attitude when talking to me. "Well, I hate to sound inappropriate but come get in bed with me."

He laughed and was about to throw his body on the bed. I closed my eyes and my body was tensed waiting for impact but when it never came. He was lying next to me smiling, "AGAIN, that's what she said."

I couldn't help but smile and roll my eyes at his silliness. I kind of needed it. We laid there for a while not talking. Both of us had something in common that we can't share with Sam. Our father had chosen to abandon our mothers when he found out they were pregnant. And our mothers were having an affair with a man with a wife and a kid. It was embarrassing but we had each other.

Glancing at his face then away, I had to ask, "When did my mom tell you?"

He blew out a breath, "I went with Emily and her to the diner. She thought we were dating and I think that freaked her out considering we were siblings and didn't know. I'll just say it wasn't pretty how it came out. Thank goodness Emily was there. She knew that Sam and you needed to hear about it not in public. I told my mom too. She was kind of pissed that your mom spilled the beans but I think she felt relieved too. You know – guilt for what she did then keeping it a secret all this years."

I smiled and nodded.

Embry spoke with soft voice, "Are you happy you found out who was your dad?"

Funny, I didn't really think about how I felt. "I'm not sure. I'm glad to find out I had brothers but at the same time he was or is a big jerk. I am trying to still process you and Sam are my brothers. Every time I thought about who was my dad it never dawned on me that I could or would have siblings, if you know what I mean."

He laughed a little, "I do. But I think it's awesome. So you're not upset about being my sister or Sam's?"

I smiled at him. "No, I hope you didn't think that yesterday. I was just overwhelmed that after all of these years I know the truth." I blew out a breath. "These past few months have been really hard on me. I haven't had time to process anything. My life has been turned upside down."

"What do you mean?"

"Well let's see - I get my stuff stolen, panic for two weeks over what I and my mom will or when we will eat, almost die falling off a cliff, Paul befriends me, worrying about what the elders will think if they found out about my mom and house, panic over having to join a student group when I don't like being with people, going from alone to surrounded by others that pay attention to me, getting the crap beaten out of me, my mom's in rehab, knowing who my dad is, finding out I have two brothers, living somewhere else and emotionally I constantly feel like I am missing something. That's what I mean when I say my life's been turned upside down."

"Oh"

I laughed lightly. "I haven't been able to properly deal with everything."

He gave me a small smile, "Kim, we haven't really known each other long and I want to change that. I can promise that someday those feelings of missing something will be gone. You are going to be happy and loved. Hell – you are already loved. But you'll understand how much your family has really grown these past few months and you'll understand why emotionally you've been messed up. It's something out of your control right now and you aren't ready for it anyway." He lightly kissed my head and quietly got up and left.

I turned to look out the window again. I let my mind go blank. I needed time to just be numb and soon I fell asleep again.

I felt someone lightly rubbing my shoulder to obviously wake me. "Kim honey, wake up."

Opening my eyes Emily was smiling down at me. "You should probably wake up now. You won't be able to sleep tonight if you don't." I looked over at the clock and noticed that it was about 6:30pm.

"Okay thanks." I started to sit up. The pain was there but I was definitely healing. The pains weren't sharp and breath taking like that had once been but now more achy and spread out.

Emily sat down on the side of the bed with a concerned look, "Kim, is having the boys here too much? I don't want you to be forced into being around everyone if you want to be alone."

She was too nice, always worried about me. She worked her butt off all day and asks me if I mind if her guests are okay in her home. "Emily, if I need to be alone then I'll just come back here. Don't worry about me."

She smiled, "We already ate but I made a plate for you. I came back earlier but you were completely out. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not. I just need to stop in the restroom then I'll be out." I said as I slowly got up from the bed.

"Okay, I'll heat your plate up."

When I finished up I walked out and went right to the kitchen. I was hoping that it would just be Emily and I but I couldn't complain when I found Sam sitting at the table while reading the newspaper. He got up in order to help me sit but I waved him off. "Sam, it's okay. I am feeling better so moving around isn't as bad as it was before."

"Good. Hopefully you'll be on moving around even better tomorrow."

"I hope too." I walked over to Emily to grab the plate she pulled from the oven.

"The plate is a bit warm, let me use the mitt to put it at your place at the table."

I got a glass that she left drying on the counter and filled it with water.

Emily, Sam, and Embry sat with me while I eat. Sam was really great. He told us some old stories about growing up in La Push and even included some stories about our father's family. He was kind and I had a feeling he'd prove to be a great big brother. I felt like I could cry again and I just couldn't figure out why. It was like my emotions just erupted suddenly. It made no sense that I would be over emotionally at this moment. I was enjoying myself and happy.

Sam excused himself to the bathroom and Embry headed back to the living room. Emily grabbed my hand, "Kim, you seem upset?"

I looked at her confused, "I feel emotional but I don't know why. Everything that Sam has told me are things that I am happy to hear and aren't making me upset but I feel so out of sorts. Maybe my hormones are throwing me out of whack. You don't think Sam or Embry noticed? I don't want them to think that."

"Don't worry sweetie. I don't think either of them suspect a thing plus it's normal for you to be a bit emotional."

"Why do you say that?"

"Um…your period is coming right?"

"No."

"Oh well, you are still growing so you have surges now and then."

I snorted.

Emily forehead burrowed, "What's that for?"

"I must be getting ready to grow a bunch because my emotions have been all over the place lately. I hate it. I am usually not really affected by hormones. Looking at Sam and Embry I got the recessive short gene or something. Why do I get to be the short one?" Quil walked back in at the end of the conversation.

"Hey short stuff!"

"QUIL!" Emily and I shouted at once.

He ran out laughing.

Emily turned to me, "Thank goodness you are here. Those boys do that kind of stuff to me all the time. It's nice to finally have an ally."

Sam came rushing back in. "Em, I got to run. Paul and Jared picked something up to the north!" He kissed her and run out of the door.

We could hear the others run out as well. The house was suddenly very quiet. It was weird.

"What was that about?" I asked confused by what had just happened.

"Uh, security. They do the security for the reservation."

"What did he mean by Paul and Jared picking something up north?"

"Um… poachers! They have been following and tracking some poachers. We can't let the poachers on our land. They'll hurt someone."

What the heck is that about? Obviously not _poachers_ though.

"How about we make the Quileute bread that you showed me? I wrote down the recipe you gave me but it's always different when you make it. So what do you think?"

"Sure. I have some other Quileute recipes that I know as well. We can go over them and if you want we can make some when we get the ingredients."

Emily just looked at me and smiled. "Kim, I know you said your grandfather taught you some crafts but who taught you all of these recipes?"

"Um...my mom before she got bad. We have an old recipe book from my great grandmother. She died shortly after I was born. There are a lot of Quileute recipes that my mom said the two of them made all of the time."

"So your mother and you used to cook a lot together?"

I had to smile at those memories. They were definitely some of my favorites. "Yes. That's probably why I remember some of the recipes. We would cook all day and eat all night." I had to look down at my hands. "I miss that."

Emily grabbed my hands, "Well, let's do our own version of that tonight but ours might need to include some ice cream."

"I love that idea."

Emily and I work so well together. She is so tentative when I show her how she needs to tuck in one side while leaving the other end to represent a tail of a plump salmon. She shows me a homemade pudding recipe that I am in love with.

We are cleaning up and putting away dishes when I realize its midnight. Where is everyone?

"Emily, when is Sam getting back?"

"I don't know. He might have crashed at one of the guys homes tonight." The other guys are in high school and live with their parents but I decided not to ask her anymore. I didn't think I would get answer anyways.

We both soon went to bed. I could hear the wolves. They were really vocal tonight but the sound made me feel safe and I drifted off to sleep.

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	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I was startled awake by snoring. It was so close. I tried to stay quiet as I frantically looked around the room for the source of the sound. And again Jared was sitting in the corner asleep. Why is he here? I sat up against the headboard and looked at him. He must be sick because the handsome Jared looked tired and stressed. His eyes looked sunken in and his cheeks were hollow and gray. Gawd, I missed seeing him all the time. I wanted to brush my fingers through his hair to bring him sweet dreams. I felt so content just looking at him sleep. He was still the guy that I would dream about. Paul said he was doing some things to become a better person. What was he doing if he looked like this? I pray that he isn't hurting himself because of what I might have said. I know that he was mean to me and ignored me in the past but I felt in my heart now that he saw the error of his ways. I can't say I know exactly why I know that but I could feel it. Maybe I am trying to convince myself because I just want him too_. No, I really did feel it. He gets it now. I just know._ It feels so good to have him here that I lie back and just look at him. How do I tell him I am not mad anymore?

The sun in my eyes wakes me up. I realize that I am still sitting up but Jared is gone. Looking at the clock I notice that its 7:00 and I can hear some movement in the house. Getting up I notice that I am definitely feeling better today. I decide to get my shower and dressed.

Moving slowly but definitely better with each passing day, I head to the kitchen. Again, Sam is at the table and Emily is at the sink cleaning out a pan.

I smiled, "Good morning."

They both turned and looked at me with matching smiles. "Good morning."

Emily began drying her hands, "Don't you look better. I can't believe much better you are moving around since yesterday."

I smiled, "I am. I hate feeling weak and sick."

"So do you girls have anything planned for today?"

Emily spoke up, "I have to work at one until nine tonight. However, besides that I have nothing planned."

"Good. I thought we could go to Kim's house. We should clean out the fridge, make sure everything is in order and get some of her things. Afterwards, I could take both of you to lunch at Sue's."

My first instinct was to avoid my house at all costs so my face dropped immediately. Sam had obviously seen my reaction because he quickly back stepped. "Or…or…we could just stay here. Whatever, you want."

I didn't want him to think he had upset me. He was my brother and I needed to be honest with him. "No, no, I am just used to….uh…not having people come to my house, that's all."

Sam shook his head. "Kim you are going to have to start letting that stuff go. I love you and I will do everything in my power to keep you safe and happy. That includes keeping you sheltered, clothed, and feed like a big brother should. It doesn't matter anyways, I thought we were going to put on a new roof and paint it this summer."

I looked at him with disbelief, "What? How did you know?"

He smiled, "Paul informed us plus I did my own roof and yours is a lot smaller."

I sat down next to him, "You did?" I couldn't be luckier. My own brother knows how to help me fix up my house.

We sat in the kitchen while I ate a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast discussing all of the home improvements that Sam did on his own home. I was secretly so happy that I could ask him if I didn't understand how to fix something. You Tube has been a great resource but everything can't be completely explained for every situation.

Sam drove Emily and I to my house. Luckily, we are small because Sam took up half of the cab of his truck. He was right I needed to stop being embarrassed.

I am not sure or if Emily and Sam were just being nice but they both gushed over how well kept the house was considering the big home improvement projects.

The mail had stacked up in the few days I hadn't been home. Sam clearly saw my distress at the bills and took the stack from me. "If you are going to sit here and have a panic attack over bills then you won't be getting the mail anymore."

I looked up at Sam in disbelief. "Sam, I haven't worked in a few days and if I don't take care of this then they'll shut off the power and who knows what else."

Sam wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "Please stop worrying. We will sit down and go through everything together. I'll request that the mail be forwarded to my house. Then we make a plan to pay what needs paid and how we'll maintain the house."

"I got to get back to work. It is too important to let them fall behind now and I won't let you pay them. You have your own house to maintain."

He began shaking his head, "Kim, I don't mind you working but you need to cut back in your hours. Have you forgotten that you'll be living with me for at least a few months? You need to stop worrying about all of that while you are still in school. I agree we should keep the power and water going but the other expenses are unnecessary."

Cut back in my hours? What? I just don't know about that especially not worry about…. about… everything.

Emily felt the need to step in when she could see my confusion with the building stress and Sam's words did nothing to stop my panic.

"Kim, what Sam is trying to say is that we would LIKE for you to cut back your hours at the store. Going to school is tough enough and you no longer need to worry about taking care of all of these bills. We are here to help you. It's time you started being the teenager you are than the adult that you have had to be. We don't want to control you or even parent but we do want to do what's best."

She looked at Sam, "SOOO…let's deal with one thing at a time and get your things."

I picked up some clothes and other things and Sam took them out to the truck. Just as we were leaving I remembered something that I thought Emily would enjoy.

We were locking up when I told her I would be right back. They were waiting in the truck when I finished locking up. I gave the book to Emily sliding in the cab.

She smiled and began flipping through it. "What is this?" I could tell she had an idea what it was but wasn't sure.

"It's my great grandmother's Quileute recipe book I was telling you about."

She was completely excited and I was happy that she loved it so much. We talked about some of the items that we had discussed making on the way to Sue's Diner.

In the booth, we flipped through the book deciding on recipes that we could make. Sam would comment on ones that he had eaten in the past. Sue Clearwater, also a tribal elder, pulled up a chair on the same side of the booth next to Emily so the two of them could go through the book. She was just as excited as Emily. It made me happy that they enjoyed it so much.

Just as we gave our meal order to Sue, I turned when the bell on the door rang indicating someone entering. Jared.

I froze. I had just seen him early this morning in my room with poor lighting but he looked so stressed and drained. Yet he was still so handsome. I couldn't help but feel good even when he was just in the room. I didn't feel the small smile that had formed on my face but I did once Jared had obviously returned it. I suddenly felt everyone had their eyes on me.

Emily called, "Jared, over here." She waved him over to the table.

His eyes had shifted to her then back to me but now he looked uncertain. I instantly felt I needed to reassure him that it was okay that he could sit with us. Since Emily and Sam sat on the same side of the booth, I scooted over to hopefully make him feel welcome. Sue got up and hugged him before sitting back down. I got this feeling they were waiting for my reaction but when I scooted over they were excited that I didn't get upset.

He sat down next to me a bit stiff and it was obvious he wasn't sure how he should act around me. So of course, me being me felt embarrassed for the way I acted before even given what he had done. He was definitely leaving it up to me on how relaxed he would be. I kind of wish we weren't surrounded by everyone though. It would be nice to tell him that I was over what had happened and wanted to move on.

As another gesture of peace, I smiled and gave him the extra set of wrapped silverware next to me and a menu.

Sue pulled him from the look of awe that he gave me, "Do you know what you want Jared?"

"A Coke and the cheeseburger platter, please."

"Sure."

I was praying that we wouldn't have that awkward silence but luckily Sam spoke before it happened.

"So what are you up to?"

"I…I just got back from Forks and decided to get something to eat."

Emily smiled, "Perfect timing, we just ordered. Did you want to come over after I get off of work later and take the history test that I have for you?"

Jared glanced at me then quietly agreed.

"Great! I can take it up to school tomorrow when I pick up Kim's work."

My eyes snapped to hers, "What?"

Sam was the one that answered for her, "Kim, you can't go back to school for at least two weeks. With only four weeks left in the school year, I think it would be best if you just finished the year with homeschooling like Jared. I am concerned with you going to back there without at least one of the boys in your classes. In the fall, I can make sure that happens."

"Okay." I wanted to be relieved but it will be weird that I won't be going anymore.

The four of us began discussing old Quileute recipes that Emily found in my great grandmothers recipe book. The conversation was pleasant but Jared and I never directly spoke to one another. I could tell he was tense because he never seemed relaxed and sat stiff.

Soon, Sue showed up with our lunches and we dug in. The awkwardness seemed to slowly fate as we ate. Emily always kept the conversation going. Weird but true I wanted to lean against him like I won't be completely comfortable if I didn't lie against him. Not that I actually had ever done that before but I just knew it would be simply calming. I had to look in his eyes and again I felt myself just staring in happiness.

I could just see Sam turn to Emily, "Em, why don't you take Kim home so she can lie down for a while? Jared and I have some things to talk about then we'll come by the house later." I snapped my eyes from his and I knew I had been caught. Embarrassed by my school girl infatuation, I couldn't show my face to anyone.

Emily's almost startled voice, "Oh, oh okay."

I felt Jared slide out of the booth but I felt stuck. Emily must of gotten up too because I felt her begin to pull on my hand to drag me from the booth. I let her lead me from the diner. Sam opened my door and helped me in. "I love you girls. We'll see you in a while."

Soon we were headed back to the house, I just stared out the window hoping to clear my mind and begin going through the motions of everything.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you to those of you that have reviewed. Your comments have really helped keep me motivated when I have writers block! I have just discovered many of them have their own wonderful stories worth reading! Check them out.**

Chapter 14

When we pulled up to the house, I got out and without a word walked directly to my room. How the hell do I explain I get lost in Jared's eyes every time I look in them? Who would believe me? I don't believe It myself. My feelings were swirling and turning without an end in sight. What is WRONG WITH ME?

I laying down and put a pillow over my eyes. I didn't want anyone to see the tears. AGAIN, I am crying and that soon turns into sobbing. I heard Emily come in and lay on the other side of the bed.

"Kim, I have no idea what I should and shouldn't tell you right now. However, I know from personal experience you are trying to figure out what is happening. But don't think you are going crazy. You are far from it. Remember how you blamed hormones for being emotional, well it's not hormones, it's something else completely."

I could tell she rolled on her side to face me and she was tugging on the pillow for me to show her my face. I let her take it. She had tears in her eyes just like mine.

She sadly smiled at me, "Honey, before when you looked at Jared in the eyes you felt like you could stare at him forever. You have feelings for him and you just can't figure out why especially after everything that happened. Your brain is telling you that this is crazy and that the feelings aren't real. However, your heart is full of so much love that you are overwhelmed. BUT the one thing that is holding it all in is confusion."

She said it. She said absolutely everything. What am I missing here? She cleared my tears and all I could do was look at her. How did she know?

Her smiled deepened, "It isn't my place to tell you why or how I know those things but I just want you to know that it's okay. I PROMISE it will make sense some day and very soon hopefully. More importantly, just remember to not close yourself off to something that is wonderful."

She got up but stopped, "How's your pain level? It's time for your meds. If you want something, do you want the pain killers that Dr. Cullen gave you or Mortin instead?"

I quietly answered, "Mortin, please."

She padded my shoulder then left.

I looked out the window and watched the trees again. I wish I could go to my overlook. I needed a change in scenery and laying here was definitely not helping me process everything.

Emily showed back up with the bottle and explained, "Dr. Cullen said that you could take up to 800 mg or less of course depending on what you thought you would need."

"I think I'll take the 800. That should last me until bed hopefully." I sat up and took the pills and water from her.

"Thanks Em." She smiled and headed back out again. "I need to get ready for work. Sam and probably Jared will be here in a while. If you need me, call the store and I'll come home. Okay?"

"Okay."

As I sat there, I took inventory of how my body was healing. I could tell the ache would grow if I didn't stay on top of my pain meds but more importantly I did feel like I could do some walking. Emily was getting ready to head to the grocery store for her evening shift and I would be alone unless Sam got back beforehand. They would probably try to stop me if I told either of them but I wanted to go to my overlook. I needed a familiar safe spot to process everything.

Emily poked her head in the door way. "I am off sweetie. Call me if you need me."

I smiled back at her and nodded in agreement.

Soon I could hear the car start and head down the driveway. I got up and pulled on one of Sam's sweatshirts that I had borrowed last night. The house was quiet and I knew I needed to get out before someone showed up.

I walked out the front door and headed in the direction that I thought my spot would be located. The trees were in full bloom and it was smoothing listening to them sway in the wind. Luckily, it didn't take me long to find it and I couldn't help but smile at the view that I always enjoyed. This had always been my healing place and that's just what I needed.

Inventorying my body, I could definitely feel the ache in my ribs but also my head. I wasn't sure if the headache was from being overloaded or still from recovery. I sat down against the large rock and stretched my legs out in front of me. By taking a deep breaths and blowing them out slowly I was hoping to calm my tense mind enough to go through everything that happened. The pain was manageable but I needed to rest.

The day was perfect, it was a little overcast but still bright and clear enough to see the beach below. There was a fresh breeze that came off of the ocean and helped me continue to calm.

Everything was just crazy in my life right now. It felt like everything is coming to some big climax that I was completely ignorant too. My life before the 'Cindy and Jared incident' was quite uneventful. I didn't even realize how alone and isolated I had become in my own existence. It was so simple and bland. Then when my bag was taken I was having these crazy highs and lows. I went through more tissues in these past few months than I had my entire life. I don't like emotional people or even reading about overly emotional people and now here I am BEING one.

I went from a loner to someone with friends and a family. And Paul was someone that surprisingly became a great friend. He has been a rock next to me every time I started to fall apart or struggle with others. I really need to have a good talk with him and be honest. He deserves it. The only real thing that I kept from him was my feelings for Jared. It was embarrassing even to me to admit that I felt this undeniable love towards someone who did those things to me. It was pathetic.

What happened at lunch with Jared was still a mystery. Why have I always felt this weird connection with him? I would sitting in class and get this weird feeling that I should be next to him. Fighting those feelings were second nature to me. Then just recently when I actually make eye contact with him and bam the feelings intensify. Emily appears to understand why though. How could she?

I just want to understand though. Everything seemed to change so suddenly but luckily for the good. And why do I have this feeling…no… ache inside me that pull me towards Jared? And then there are the feelings. It feels like love. If he knew then I would never be able to show my face to him again. Cindy and Lisa were his type. The ones with curves and perfectly layered hair, flawless makeup and didn't come with baggage like me. They didn't have to deal with alcoholic mothers, run down homes, or a newly found family as result of their mother's affair with a married man. They were exciting and I was… endlessly boring.

I close my eyes and feel the breeze play with my hair across my face. It tickles my face so I can't help but smile. There were howls in the distance which would normally make me nervous but nothing was going to ruin this. I don't want to be numb anymore. It would be so easy to try to pull myself back down into my safe place but I don't want to be alone anymore. I have come accustomed the loud lunches with vulgar language and the rides home from work with whoever picks me up. Even after Tony's attack, I have stopped counting those minutes, hours, days, months and years that I would leave La Push. Maybe staying here wouldn't be so bad now. I couldn't say that I hadn't gained a safe and loving family that I wished for few months ago.

My head snapped to the left when I heard something nearby but the boulder was blocking my view. Knowing that I should get up but too sore after the walk I decided to just be quiet and still in case it was an animal that would attack me.

"Kim?"

Huh? Was that Paul? "Right here." I called in a soft voice.

Paul came into view with clearly a look of relief then it seemed to switch concern. He quickly dropped down in front of me. "Are you okay? Are you hurting? I'll get Sam. We'll get you to the doc…"

I chuckled at his reaction, "Stop, stop I am fine. I just came to watch the waves and think."

He must not have believed me because he turned to look over the view then back at me.

I smiled and padded the spot next to me. Now seemed like a good time to talk.

He was clearly annoyed but plopped his body down next to mine.

"What the hell Kim?" He blew out a breath. "Why the hell did you take off like that? We have been running around this damn reservation looking for you." He gave his signature smirk, "not that I minded getting out of class though."

_Oh shit_. "Why are you out of school? Not because of me I hope."

He chuckled, "Hell ya because of you. Sam and Jared freaked when you weren't home when they got back. We have been looking for you. I think they thought you had enough and left." He laughed. "I guess they don't know how tough you are like I do. I've seen you pull in a nine pound silver (salmon)."

I smiled at him and of course I had some guilt about the last time we had talked. "Paul, I am sorry about before."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Kimmy, you really need to stop all this sorry crap. Geez, you would think after hanging out with a bunch of guys you would stop but nope not you. I was hoping you would start swearing and splitting. But I am happy you hadn't started scratching yourself." He made a disgusted face, "that would be gross."

And again, Paul makes me laugh and lightens the moment with something inappropriate.

"Oh shut up Paul." And with that he knew he won me over. I lean up against him and place my head on against his arm for some much needed grounding.

We sit quietly for a few moments just enjoying the view of the waves.

I bravely ask what I have been wondering about, "Paul, you didn't hurt Jared did you?"

I heard him blow through his nose, "nothing that he didn't readily accept. I figured that Tony went after you as a way to get to Jared. You just confirmed it."

"Why was that important to you? Tony is completely at fault. And it doesn't even make sense that he would be mad at him and go after me to get to Jared anyways."

I could feel Paul shake his head, "UGH! I wish you knew already! This would be so much EASIER!"

_What? _I sat up and looked at him. "What are you talking about?" I was confused AGAIN.

He slapped a hand on his mouth and began rubbing it back and forth then heavily dropped it back to his lap. "First, let me tell you that I am sorry for yelling at you. I should know better than to expect you to tell me about the whole Tony thing. _Damn, this is hard_."

I was still kind of confused, why was he talking so cryptically.

"There is so much that you need to know but right now isn't the right time." He mumbled to himself, '_when the fuck is he finally going to come clean? This is ridiculous.' _

He straightened up a bit, "Kim I am sorry I wasn't there to kick Tony's ass for you. And before you start yapping about it not being my fault I'll stop you right here. YES, I know I am not your keeper but I love ya like a sister and it tears me up that I wasn't there for you. I would like to kick the asshole who taught you crappy self-defense though too. AND about Jared." He kind of looked nervous and uncomfortable. "How do you feel about him?"

_Oh crap._ "Um… I guess confused. I…I… mean I am over the thing that happened. But I still don't get why he isn't in school. He looks sad and upset every time I have seen him since though. So I guess I feel guilty that I did that to him. Jared was always confident, happy and kind of carefree but he looks the complete opposite now." I looked down. It was now or never. Paul was the closest thing I had to a best friend. "But there is something I don't understand but please don't make fun of me and promise you'll keep it private."

"What? Kim you know me better than that."

"You'll understand when I tell you." I turned my head completely away from him. "I feel like I miss Jared and that… that… I kind of LIKE him. I KNOW… I KNOW I am crazy." I waited for the groan of a guy having to listen to some girly talk that he wish he could disappear from but it never came.

"You know those feelings that you got going on in you. Don't think with your head, let... let your heart tell you what's right for once." He mumbled again,' _Gawd I sound like a pansy ass_.' "Just…just uh… go with them. Don't fight it and think that it's crazy shit and all but when the time is right just accept them and let yourself be happy." He kissed the top of my head, "You deserve that. Jared might actually surprise you."

He was obviously really uncomfortable talking about this. He was fidgeting and refused to look at me. I knew he really believed everything he told me. "Okay, we got to go, I think my balls just crawled up into my ass. Paul doesn't talk about this shit."

Yep, this was the guy that I knew; the one that jokes about anything serious. "Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?"

He started to stand up, "OH CRAP – that's it we're out of here. Plus I am going to hear about it from the guys." He put his hand out to help me up. "How are you feeling? Are you okay to walk back?"

I smiled, "Yes, as long as we go slow." With that we started on the way back.

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	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

As Paul and I walked back to Sam and Emily's house we could hear a lot of wolves in the distance. I had heard them while at the overlook but they were particularly close now.

"Um Paul, do you have anything on you that we could fight off those wolves if they get close?" I asked him nervously.

He laughed then shouted, "SHUT THE HELL UP! WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE HOUSE NOW!"

Weird but the howls seemed to suddenly stop with his outburst. It didn't make me less nervous though. I guess my pace back wasn't fast enough for Paul.

"Alright, you're hurting more than you said. I am carrying you the rest of the way." He sounded irritated and bent down to pick me up.

I slapped his hands away. "You can't carry me! I know your all muscly but carrying me is too much. I might be slow but I can make it."

With an amused smile, "Muscly? Is that even a word?"

"Yes, you guys are all muscly and _act_ like your strong and tough."

"Act? Kim I am more than willing to display my manly muscles and strength to you but I fear you'll cower at my feet in praise and awe. Then it would be weird between us because you'll want to touch them all the time and I'll be like 'no' and you'll be all 'please, please you big hunk let me.' I can't let that happen. What would the others say?"

I laughed at his silliness and of course in the end he carried me back. My ribs were feeling pretty terrible by the time we broke through the tree line into Sam's front yard.

Sam and Jared were on the front porch and I felt like crap that I didn't at least leave a note. They were obviously anxious and upset. Sam ran up to us, "Kim are you hurt? Where were you? Why did you leave?" He was spouting out questions faster than I could answer.

"SAM!" Jared's voice broke through. We all looked at him just behind us. "Let's get Kim inside then bombard her. Obviously Paul would have called us if she was hurt."

I smiled at him even though I was regretting not taking Dr. Cullen's meds. Paul lightly put me down so I could walk into the house.

A bed was really where I needed to be at the moment but I had to explain myself first. In the living room were Embry, Jacob and Quil. Embry jumped up when I walked in. "Oh shit Kim, don't do that crap again. You had us all freaked out! We were afraid something bad happened to you."

Paul was already tired of the barrage of comments, "Embry! Shut the hell up. Let the girl sit down and she'll tell you!"

I was starting to feel really stupid for going off without letting them know. I hate being the center of attention and I had effectively gotten everyone to do that. I sat down next to Quil on the love seat. He put an arm around me.

"Uh sorry guys, I just wanted to take a walk. I am tired of being stuck indoors. You know – cabin fever, so I just went to look at the waves and relax for a while. I should have written a note but I just didn't think about it. I'm not used to…uh…checking in or letting others know where I am. Everything is fine though, really. Sorry to worry you."

Sam was the first to speak, "Kim, you scared Jared and me to death. Poor Emily got a good scare too. When she left you were in bed then I call her asking where you are and she freaked out too." He must have noticed the horrified look on my face. "Don't worry I called her let her know we found you. I thought you promised to take one of us with you when you went to the forest? AND your hurt on top of that."

Damn, I did promise. I never really thought of having to take one of them. I agreed at the time to placate him. Living at Sam's doesn't lend itself to going without letting him know though.

I felt kind of ashamed. "Your right I did. Again, I am sorry." Looking at his disapproving face was embarrassing so I looked down at my hands.

"Okay, that's enough. Kim needs to lie down and rest." Jared spoke up while moving towards me.

He held out his hand to take mine. I easily placed my hand in his to help me up from the couch. The warmth of his hand was so smoothing and seemed travel up my arm to the rest of me. But he let go to wrap it around my shoulders and direct me to my room. There he helped me slowly lay on the bed then removed my tennis shoes followed by putting the throw blanket on top of me.

He smiled down at me, "You could use a good nap after your hike." Then he suddenly looked awkward and left closing my door quietly.

As I lay in bed, I could hear them all head out the front of the house. It was quiet again and my body was exhausted from the trek. I replayed my conversation with Paul. What wasn't he telling me? I wanted to be upset considering I had just told him one of my deepest secrets but I couldn't bring myself too.

.

I woke up with Emily's irritated glare at me. Oh!

"Hi Em?"

She blew breath out her nose. "Kimberly, how dare you scare the crap out of me? I have to worry about those guys going in that forest. I shouldn't have to worry about you doing that too! Why didn't you at least tell me?"

"I am sorry. I… I… just knew you would insist on someone else going with me. I really needed some time to myself. The walls of the house weren't helping me deal with everything."

She didn't seem to care for my response, "You are healing! Going into the forest at all should be the last thing you want to do. Sitting on the porch should have been your first choice. What if you would gotten hurt?"

Okay so she wasn't going to back down.

"Those boys would be devastated! Jared would have blamed himself and the guys would somehow agree with him then it would be a mess again!"

What? "Why would Jared blame himself?"

I actually think she was getting angrier from the moment I had awoken. "He blames himself for Tony going after you! The guys seemed to agree too! They should know better! Tony is an asshole who just didn't like that Jared was defending you and threatening anyone that even looked, talked or walked near you!"

Why was Jared doing that? What isn't that no one isn't telling me? I could feel myself getting upset that they hadn't told me what was going on.

"Emily, what is going on? What are you guys hiding from me?"

It looked like I threw cold water on her. The flame within her was immediately dowsed. She just looked at me for a moment. "What do you mean?" Her voice was considerable less striking.

Now it sparked that something big was going on that I was unaware of and no one had told me anything.

"I want the truth. All of you are hiding something and you won't tell me."

Her eyes were wide and searching my face, "Uh…Uh… what makes you think that?"  
My mind quickly cataloged all of the things that I ignored that didn't make sense when I was with one of them.

"Why are all of the guys suddenly interested in our heritage? Poachers? There is no way the guys went after poachers without some kind of protection. Why didn't Sam come home until late that night? He wouldn't spend the night at one of the guy's homes. They are all in high school and live with their parents. That just doesn't make sense. What's an Alpha order? What did you mean when you told Embry to 'phase'? AND why is Paul upset that I don't know IT whatever that is? AND why is all of this somehow centered on Jared? WHY Emily?" There is all was silence. Cue the guilt.

Emily's shocked face was all I could look at. I tried to see if she was hurt by what I had said but I didn't seem to see any. I had said my peace and I couldn't take it back. Finally, after a few moments of shock she looked away and with a resigned voice, "Kim, your absolutely right. Every single thing you mentioned and probably some that you didn't share that we are hiding something. We were planning on telling you but just… just… it never seemed the right time. OBVIOUSLY, we weren't as good as hiding it as we thought." She lightly laughed to herself. " ALL of the guys are a part of this and I promise you that we'll tell you this weekend at a bonfire. It's not something bad just… um… hard to believe." She blew out a big breath and smiled, "I am still mad at you."

I smiled back, "You're not the only one."

"Well get your bad ass out of bed, you need to eat and take your pain meds. The boys told me you have done nothing but sleep since you've been home."

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**Shark week on Discovery Channel! Time to pull out the Pinot Grigio for shark week drinking games with my husband!**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The light just broke through when I walked into the kitchen. Emily and Sam were still asleep. I started the coffee and waited for a cup to brew. I headed to the front door to sit on the porch. Suddenly, I stopped when I saw Jared on the couch asleep. Everything that Paul had told me played back to me and I couldn't help but smile. 'Don't fight it and think that it's crazy shit and all but when the time is right just accept them and let yourself be happy.' 'Jared might actually surprise you.' Gawd, I hope he's right.

Queitly as possible I made it to the porch and sat on the swing enjoying my coffee. Today I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Cullen to make sure I was healing well. Hopefully he won't be upset about my walk. I was hassled enough last night but I did get them to watch James Bond's Thunderball. It was a nice evening, after Sam had to threaten them to leave if they complained.

I heard the front door open. Jared walked cautiously out onto the porch.

"Hi, are you okay? You're up really early."

I gave him a smile, "I am fine. I took a long nap yesterday so I guess I didn't need much sleep last night." I needed to apologize for yelling at him a couple of months ago and how I had acted and right now seemed like the perfect time. "Sit down with me." I moved over to one end of the swing so that there was room for him.

He smiled back at me and slowly came to sit down next to me. It was awkward while we sat in silence slowly swinging back and forth for a while. He acted like he didn't know how to act around me.

I decided I needed to break the ice and get to my apology.

"I am so happy that summer is almost here. I am looking forward to less rain."

He seemed to brighten up. "Me too. I am can't wait to go to the beach again. Do you like to go?"

"I do. I like to read while listening to the waves." His smile seemed to get bigger. "Jared, there has been something I have wanted to tell you for a while now." His face quickly got a somber look. "That day I yelled at you. Well, I just wanted to say sorry. I said somethings that I had no right in saying. I should have accepted your apology instead of freaked out like that. When Paul pretty much told me that you stopped coming to school because of me then it just showed me I was just as wrong as I claimed you were. I know this is too little too late but I just didn't have the guts before I guess."

Jared's mouth had dropped open. We sat in silence for a moment before he must have processed everything I said then his face looked sad. He shook his head.

"You had every right to be angry with me. I deserved every single thing you told me. It helped me realize how clueless I had been. I had always been the big man on campus and never ever thought about anyone but myself. What you said were just truths that everyone knew but me. I actually wanted to thank you for making me realize how great I did have it compared to others and how I let that big ego hurt others."

_He was thanking me for yelling at him? _I went to open my mouth but he quickly cut me off holding up his hand.

"Kim don't try to tell me not to thank you. What you told me helped me become a better person. I am just hoping you'll think I am good enough to see me as a friend now." It was my turn to be shocked now. He was a different person.

He was cautious again, "Friends?" I couldn't help but smile.

"Yea friends." His returning smile was huge and made mine grow as well.

We continued to swing for a while just enjoying the morning. Emily stepped out on the porch to wish us a good morning and remind me that I had a doctor's appointment at nine. I figured it was time for a shower so I would be ready on time. I got up and headed towards my room.

It wasn't long before we were headed towards Forks for my appointment. I wasn't surprised that Sam and Emily came but I was that Jared insisted that he come along as well.

Walking into the hospital, Jared and Sam were acting like something bad would happen to Emily and I. Both were hovering over us as we sat in the small waiting area.

When the nurse announced my name all of us stood up and headed towards the small room. The nurse began to protest but Dr. Cullen stepped out a room to ask her to show us to his office instead of an exam room.

The guys were acting really strange. Sam was glued to Emily's side and Jared was lightly holding my arm as the nurse directed us to the office.

I couldn't figure out what was going on but clearly I was missing something. The office was spacious with a couch and two chairs situated in front of a desk. I sat down in one of the chairs as did Jared but he ended up pulling my chair next to his. Sam and Emily were on the couch.

Dr. Cullen knocked before coming in and nodded a hello to us. He sat down at his desk and opened a file.

"Well, Miss Connell, I spoke with Chief Uley and it sounds like you are healing nicely. What about those things I asked for you to be aware of: dizziness, spots, headaches?"

"I haven't noticed any of those."

"Have you had any issues at all?"

"My ribs have been hurting and I've been tired."

He kindly smiled at me, "That's to be expected. I just want to do some retinal checks and balancing and I'll have the nurse remove the stiches in your head then one x-ray to see how you are healing so you should be on way."

I smiled back, "Great."

Dr. Cullen looked at Jared then slowly up from his chair and walked around towards him.

"Mr. Cameron could you please help? I would prefer if you could lightly hold her hand while I give her some direction on to balance. If she begins to fall you'll be able to catch her."

Jared nodded as the both of us stood and pushed back our chairs. It was quick and painless. Next he asked to look in my eyes for reaction time. It was weird that Jared was plastered to my side while I followed Dr. Cullen's finger and while he flashed the light in my eyes.

"Everything looks like it should. I'll get the nurse to remove your stitches and she take you down to x-ray when she's finished. I'll be in radiology already so I'll check over the film then you can go. I don't think you'll need to have another visit unless you notice any unusual symptoms. Do you or anyone else have any questions?"

Sam said that he was helping my mom. I wanted to know how.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cullen, Sam told me that you were helping my mother."

He smiled again, "Yes. I am sure he let you know that she is in Seattle at a facility that has had a lot of success. I have also gotten her in contact with a pain management doctor that can work with her to manage her pain in a less destructive manner. It was my understanding that they have discussed implanting a pain pump to the specific location of her damage. The pump has been extremely effective in the past for many others in similar injuries. She has a long road ahead of her but she appears committed."

I blew out a breath as relief washed over me. "So her pain will be decreased?"

"Yes, the way the pump works is exactly what your mother needs. It will deposit a low dose of pain medication to the exact location of the trauma. It will only affect that area so she won't experience the side effects that she would if she was taking it in pill form. Here let me show you what it looks like."

He moved to his desk and began typing his computer. Soon he turned the screen to show me how the intravenous pump would be surgical implanted and how it delivers the medicine. He also explained how it would be refilled periodically. Relief is what I felt. It the blessing I had been praying.

"I couldn't thank you enough for all of your help. My mother and I will forever have a different life because of your help."

Dr. Cullen smiled, "It was a pleasure. Best of luck to you."

Soon we were headed back to La Push, the relief in Sam and Jared were obvious.

When we got back, Emily went up to the school to drop off Jared's work and pick up mine. Upon returning she and I went over the school work. Luckily, I was excused from a few projects because of my good grades. She gave me the information that I hadn't gotten and it looked like I just needed to study then take my finals.

"Mr. Lingenfelter wanted to have you and Jared take your finals up at the school. Therefore, the two of you will go up and take one each day in the conference room at 9 in the morning. He gave me a schedule on what you'll be taking and on what day."

"Okay." I was kind of happy that it would be an easy way to finish the school year. I loved the idea of studying on my own and not having to sit through another monotone lecture.

"I wanted to ask you how well you are in Trigonometry?"

"Good, I guess. I have an A but work very hard to maintain that."

"Do you think you could help Jared? Sam and I don't remember that much and Paul just isn't that patient to review the material."

"Sure, I guess. I don't know how well I am at teaching someone else but I'll try.

Emily sagged in her chair, "Thank goodness. I am not sure I can take Paul complaining about it much longer."

The rest of the afternoon, Jared and I sat at the kitchen table going over a few areas that he was struggling with. It was a good review for myself to prepare for finals. He was able to do most of the material but just needed a little push in some areas. While we worked he was so attentive and appreciative, I knew Jared was smart but never put much effort into his work like he was now. He kept looking at me with a really cute smile that would make me blush.

At three o'clock the guys got home from school so it was fruitless to try to continue working. He thanked me and I went to sit on the porch to read while they played their video games. It was weird that they all seemed to continually hang out at Sam and Emily's. I knew they were all close friends but it was strange that it was all day and night most of the time.

"What are you reading? Porn?" Embry smirked.

I lightly laughed. "No, a James Patterson book."

"Oh. Do you read a lot?"

"Yes. We don't have cable and I think a book is always better than a show or movie."

"Cool. You wouldn't be interested in getting out of here for a while would you?"

I smiled, "Absolutely!"

We drove around in Paul's truck for a while and ended up at the tidal pools at the beach. I identified and explained a lot of fish and other sea critters to him. It was really nice spending time and getting to know him without anyone else around.

On our way back to Emily's I had to ask, "Do you think you could teach me how to drive?"

He glanced at me, "No one ever taught you?"

"No. I never had anyone to show me and obviously my mom wasn't a viable choice."

"I guess your right. Sure, I'd love to teach my sister to drive. This is a stupid but important question but when is your birthday?"

I smiled, "I'll be seventeen July 24th. When is yours?"

He laughed, "I'll be seventeen December 20th. Our father didn't waste any time knocking my mother up after finding out yours was pregnant."

We both laughed at what a jerk he really must be. I couldn't resist in adding, "I hope he uses condoms now."

Embry laughed more and we gave each other a high five.

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	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Saturday was spent preparing for the bonfire that night. Emily and I cooked and made a lot of items for us to eat. They had obviously done this a lot because everyone had their jobs. I was curious and just really wanted to know what was going on but a side of me was afraid that I might not want to know. The atmosphere was strange. The boys were watching me all day and continually giving me hugs when they would come in the kitchen. However, Paul was the only one that was acting 'normal'. He tried to give me a noogy but I promised to punch him in his junk if he even tried coming near me.

I rode in Emily and Sam's truck. When we pulled up I realized it was the small parking spot that Paul had brought me to a few times previously. And it wasn't long before a fire was lit and the food was being eaten. I enjoyed the fun family atmosphere that everyone expressed throughout the evening. All of the elders were there: Old Quil, Sue and Harry Clearwater, Billy Black, and Paul's Grandfather. I meet Quil's mother and even Jared's mother and father. It was odd that Mrs. Cameron gushed over me and how happy she was that he and I were at least friends now. I guess he had told his parents about what had happened. She kept asking me a ton of questions about my likes and dislikes. Then she started to add what a lovely young lady I was and how happy they were to finally know me. Luckily, Jared came over and rescued me.

"Mom, please leave Kim alone. You are going to wear her out and she needs to visit with everyone. I am sure you'll get to talk to her later."

She smiled at her son and nodded her head. She turned to me and lightly padded my cheek, "Kim, my husband and I just want to thank you." With that she got up and left. _Thank me?_

I sat confused for a minute until Paul's grandfather put his hand on my shoulder to help him sit down. "So is my girl ready to hear the legends of our people?"

I smiled. Joseph LaHote was a great blunt man that I grew to love as I did my own grandfather. He had accompanied Paul and I on a few fishing trips and I loved to hear the stories of his youth. I have no doubt that he had been a hell raiser in his youth.

"Is that what everyone seems to be waiting for?"

"Yes, they didn't tell you?" He looked confused.

"No, they just told me they had a secret and when I came to the bonfire I would learn it."

He snort laughed. "You would think they would have this well thought out for as long as they have been taking care of you."

I didn't know how to respond so I didn't. He grabbed my shoulder and gave me a side hug then got back up.

I tried not to think about what they were keeping from me and let myself get mesmerized by the flames. After a few minutes I felt someone plop themselves next to me. Embry was smiling at me while holding out a poker with two marshmallows for me to take. I smiled back and took it. I hadn't had roasted marshmallows in probably five years. It was nice to feel like I was a readily accepted part of the group. I prayed that whatever they were keeping from me wasn't something terrible. I would be devastated at this point if I were to lose them.

Embry was trying to take my small pile of marshmallows that Emily had given to me. He couldn't wait for his to cook before devouring his entire bag. When Billy Black announced that he would be beginning to tell the legends everyone quickly found a spot to sit.

I noticed that Embry was looking at Sam then back at me. _Maybe it has something to do with our father?_

Embry turned back to me, "Kim, listen very carefully to the specific legends that Billy will tell. It is very important that you understand everything."

"Okay." I smile back at him. He wrapped an arm around me. I felt someone else sit next to me. Jared was looking at me cautious but I was happy that he really was trying to be friends and letting the past go.

Billy's voice seemed to boom above all of the other noises of the forest and ocean close by.  
"The story of our people has been passed down from generation to generation and now we know…."

Billy spoke for a long time recalling the stories of Taha Aki and the Third Wife. During one of our lunches, we had quickly discussed them and read from an old text. The guys didn't want to really talk about those particular legends so we moved on. _Why would those be important now? _

When he finished it got really quiet and I felt everyone's eyes on me. And I do mean everyone's. It was like they were waiting for something. Sam stood up from Emily's side and kneeled in front of me.

"Kim, the legends that Billy spoke of are not legends. The story of Taha Aki is true. Some of us are able to become wolves just as Taha Aki was able to as well."

_What the fuck?_

"I know you don't believe me but it's true. Myself, Paul, Embry, Jared, Quil and Jacob are able to shift into wolves. We are not werewolves like you've heard about in movies and books. We call ourselves shapeshifters. We are able to change when we want and shift back as well. We weren't 'born' this way. It happened for all of us unexpectedly and we were quite volatile at the beginning but we can control it now."

I just stared at him. He was crazy. They were all crazy.

Beside me I heard Jared, "She doesn't believe you. I can tell."

Sam's eyes softened and he looked at Emily. I followed his gaze to her face and she nodded and got up and sat down next to me in front of Embry.

"Kim, Sam is going to shift so you understand better. Try not to be scared. He may look like a giant wolf but he is completely Sam. And you know he would never do anything to hurt you."

Sam got up and headed behind us into the trees.

"When the boys shift their clothes don't shift with them so they rip. He is stripping out of them then he'll shift and walk out from behind them."

I heard a sound that I couldn't exactly place. Then an enormous black wolf came slowly out from behind the tree. I couldn't help but gasp and freeze my body in fear. I could hear Jared trying to calm my nerves but I just couldn't. His arm was around my shoulder and his was rubbing my arm. I was starting to hyperventilate and my mind was trying to understand.

Again Jared spoke up, "That's enough Sam. Shift back, she's going to pass out if she can't breathe correctly soon."

The wolf ran back behind the trees but I couldn't move my eyes from where it had been. When Sam came out again I had to roam my eyes over his body. How is that possible? This has to be some kind of illusion.

My emotions were all over the place, Sam slowly made his way over to me.

"I know it's confusing and unbelievable but that was me. Just remember that nothing bad has happened or will happen, you are perfectly safe."

I looked up into his eyes and they were pleading with me. I did believe him. I just couldn't grasp that he actually changed into a wolf. All the guys could. I quickly looked around the group at each one of them. They had a nervous look that I might flip out except for Paul. He was smirking at me.

Paul finally broke the silence, "That's pretty fucking cool huh?"

I tried to smile but I think it was more of a grimace.

He laughed and got up and came towards me. He pulled me into a hug. "You can guess why we didn't tell you for so long."

I nodded my head into his chest.

He let me go and I sat back down. Embry put his arm around me. "Do you want all the details tonight or would you rather process this until tomorrow?"

I had to look at Sam again, he looked a little relieved. I am sure he was happy I didn't go screaming for the hills. It was just so unbelievable. I hadn't really seen him shift into a wolf but I didn't want to see him naked either. Why would he lie about this or even make it up? I did want to know the details but it was unsettling that they were all watching and listening to me.

"Um…I think it would be better tomorrow."

Embry kissed the side of my head. "Are you sure?"

I looked at him, "Yes, but I am ready to go home." My ribs were aching and I needed to process this.

He smiled and pulled me up wrapping his arms around my shoulders. Luckily, everyone went back to talking quietly and roasting their marshmallow dessert.

Just as we were leaving the circle of people, Jared's mom stopped me. "Kim when you get home recall _all_ of the legends Billy retold this evening. These boys are blessed and we are here to give them something to protect and fight for. The spirits chose us for a reason. It's our job to honor that blessing."

She hugged and kissed my cheek. I looked over at Jared and I couldn't figure out his expression. Embry tugged on me and soon we were headed back to Sam and Emily's house.

I tried not to dwell on what Jared's mom said but now that I know the legends are true I needed to reread them to help me better understand. I knew Emily kept a book of legends on the bookshelf in the living room. Deciding that I wanted to read them on my own, I grabbed the book and headed to my bedroom. Embry didn't say anything about the book but told me he was here if I had any questions.

I lie across my bed and reread the stories and looked for the truths in them. Now knowing that they weren't just stories it was a different viewpoint now. I started to go through all of the times I didn't understand what they were talking about. My nerves were starting to get frayed when I thought about what else don't I know about these guys. I just wasn't sure how to act around them now.

Everyone but Embry was still at the bonfire and I was exhausted after reading and processing everything. It wasn't long that I was dozing and my body was falling off to sleep. As I lay there, I could hear them come back. Someone quietly opened my door and must have looked in on me but I slipped completely asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

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Chapter 18

The next morning I awoke to someone's loud laughing. It was such a big belly laugh that I couldn't help but smile. My brothers were wolves. Did that mean I could? If I have kids will they?

There were so many questions that I needed answered but I just wasn't sure really what to ask.

After I showered and put on something that would be comfortable I decided to head out to the kitchen to get my morning dose of coffee. I was getting spoiled with having it each morning when at home I would only have it on Sundays. Facing everyone was going to be weird, I really should be used to this considering all of the crazy events that have occurred lately. Should I be nervous that there is more that they aren't telling me? Hell, what could possibly be left to surprise me with?

Walking out I wasn't expecting that all of the guys would be there but everyone was. In the living room they were practically on top of each other playing and watching Halo. I know what I saw last night but I felt like it still wasn't real.

"Hey Kim." Quil yelled from the chair.

Everyone turned to look at me. I tried to smile but for some reason it felt more like a grimace.

Emily startled me when she wrapped her arm around my shoulders, "She probably woke up with all of you hooting and hollering."

The boys quickly silenced then burst out laughing. Jacob answered, "Em, we might have been loud but we certainly didn't hoot or holler." The guys laughed again. I couldn't but help smile at that as well.

Paul's grandfather that I had named Grandpa Joseph emerged from the kitchen, "Miss Emily, I will take Kim from here. I haven't been on a date with a beautiful lady for some time so I am hoping she'll accept." He turned to completely face me, "Would you honor me with your presence this morning? I would love to take you for lovely breakfast at the local dining establishment."

He reminded me so much of my own grandfather. I could never resist him. I nodded and gave him a small smile. He grabbed my hand and tucked it in his elbow. We began heading towards the front door when he turned us back around facing the guys, "THAT'S how a gentlemen talks to a lady. Watch and learn boys."

He helped me into his truck and soon we were headed to Sue's diner. She wasn't working but it was pretty crowded this Sunday. We sat at a booth in the back next to a large picture window.

He opened a menu, "I don't know about you but I am starving."

I smiled back at him and looked over the menu as well. After deciding that I really couldn't stomach a lot, I figured that oatmeal and blueberries with coffee were the most I could handle.

A middle age women that I had seen around the reservation took our orders and left promising to return with our drinks.

"You are awful quiet this morning. I know those wheels are turning so I am here to help if I can."

I gave him a small smile but I couldn't process anything that had happened. Even after reading, hearing and seeing it, I just couldn't go through everything. I wanted to grasp it but it just wouldn't let me.

"Kim," he waited for me to look at him, "are you okay?" Was I?

He chuckled, "I guess not. You are obviously in shock."

Our drinks were delivered. The warm coffee smoothed my insides. It was the same brand that I had at my house which reminded me that I needed to get back to work.

"Sweetheart, I know all of this is a lot to take in but remember what Sam told you. Those boys would do everything in their power to make sure you are safe and protected. That whole Tony business really shook them up. No one will tell you that but our secret was close to being revealed when were hurt. All of the guys were patrolling when the ambulance was followed to your house. I think Paul and Jared's wolves took over for a while when Jacob smelled your blood from the tree line. Sam called Harry and me to run over and check on what was going on. It was a crazy night. Your brother Sam is the alpha. That means he is in charge of all of them. Whatever he orders then they have to follow. All of them love you to death and will anything to make sure you are happy.

_Sam's in charge?_

"What I really wanted you to understand is that those boys are the same ones you've known for months. Try to remember that and don't be afraid to ask them questions. They all are acting tough but they are scared you'll reject them. After we enjoy our meal, I want you to go back there and ask every single question that comes to mind. The more you understand; the more you'll be okay with this. Okay?"

He smiled at me. I smiled back, "Okay."

Just then our meals were delivered and I thought about what Grandpa Joseph said. They were the same guys that they were Saturday morning. He was right. I needed to remember that and they had been better to me than any other person in my life even my own mother. It made all of this so much easier to understand and accept.

In the middle of my oatmeal, I stopped and looked at Joseph. I gave him a genuine smile, "Thank you. I really needed to hear that."

He smiled back and began eating again. It wasn't long before we were headed back to Sam and Emily's.

Emily was sitting on Sam's lap on the front porch; their love for each other was so obvious. The way they look at each other told anyone around them they were made for each other.

When Sam looked at me and Joseph walking up the walk he looked relieved and nervous at the same time. I wasn't 'comfortable' with the whole wolf thing but I wanted to get used to it and reassure him.

They stood as we approached and I walk right to him and wrapped my arms around him. I could feel him relax a bit but his shoulders were still tense. He had proven to be a great brother and I needed to show him that I trust and love him.

"Sam, I can't promise that I won't get scared or nervous but to understand the best I can. Um…do you think you could explain some of this to me?"

He kissed the top of my head, "Yes. Let's go on the back porch and talk. There's more room for all of us."

Emily, Sam, Grandpa Joe, and I walked into the house on the way to the back porch. Jared jumped up and quickly ran up to us, "Where are you guys going?" He was so nervous and upset.

Sam stopped, "We're just going out back. Why don't you come in case Kim has a question that I can't answer?"

He nodded his head and ran his hand through his hair. We started towards the back door again. I noticed Paul from the couch grab Jared's arm to hold him back a minute. Slowing my pace I was curious to hear what he had to say. I could just barely hear, _'Calm down. She can handle this. Just give her…._' I didn't hear the rest before I was out back.

Sam and Emily were sitting together on the bench and Grandpa Joe was in the only chair. That left Jared and I on the other bench. He rushed through the screen door letting it hit hard as it swung back.

"Hey, be gentle. I don't want my house falling apart," Emily scolded.

"Sorry Em." He looked at Sam and with a worried look slowly shook his head. It was kind of like they were silently discussing something.

"Sit down Jared. Kim doesn't bite but her brothers do." Grandpa Joe broke the quiet discussion between the two and winked at me.

He quickly sat down but he was tense.

Sam cleared his throat, "I am not sure how to start to explain everything but I'll try my best."

I nodded for him to continue.

"About two years ago, I noticed that I had begun to gain a lot of muscle and size but also anger. I would get incredibly angry at the most simple things. I was a senior in high school. One particular day, I was playing basketball with some guys. I flipped out and completely lost my shit. My body began shaking at an incredible rate. It freaked me out and I jumped in my truck and left. The shaking was getting worse when I got home. I felt like I was going to explode. Running into the woods, I did just that, explode into a wolf. It scared me to death. Panic is the only way I can describe those first days. The legends weren't even a thought. We are taught them so young and never read them again. It was a low time for me. I was certain I was schizophrenic and I hid in the Olympic forest for a couple of weeks. Eventually, I figured out how to phase back. When it was apparent that I could go back as myself the questions and rumors were difficult. It was a secret that I didn't even know how to explain or reveal. When I got back I had to deal with my girlfriend at the time and my mother. Controlling my temper was still difficult and was afraid that I couldn't be around others. A visit from Old Quil was a blessing. He recognized the signs when a shifter as phased and taught me I wasn't crazy and that others would be phasing too. Jared was the second one and quickly followed by Paul that same weekend."

I looked at Jared. He smiled and added, "My mother got to witness my first phase. Our kitchen seemed to explode with me too." He chuckled, "That's why I was absent from school. Paul and I were learning to control our anger."

"Oh. Does being a wolf make you angry?" I didn't understand why they were angry.

He smiled, "No, when we first phase or about to phase for the first time, our tempers are extremely short for some reason. I guess our wolf is fighting with us to emerge and it affects our emotions. When we get really angry we phase but that's just at the beginning. As we learn to control ourselves we can make ourselves shift or shift back. We still need to be careful about getting mad but we can recognize the signs now."

I let the information soak in a moment before asking, "I think I get it. What are the signs you were talking about?"

Sam spoke again, "You've probably noticed that we are really warm. Our body temperature is 108 degrees. Wolves have particular features that are heighten which we do as well. We can see and hear really well. Our sense of smell is extremely good and obviously so is our speed and strength. But as you saw we are a lot bigger than a normal wolf. Plus we are ourselves when we shift. I am not sure how to explain it but we are one with the wolf in us. And um… when we phase we can hear each other's thoughts. It helps us when we are patrolling and hunting."

"What do you hunt?"

Jared looked at Sam then at me, "Please don't freak out. Every single one of us is here to protect you."

"Okay." _This can't be good._

"If we are the 'good' guys that are here to protect our tribe then there are 'bad' guys. If you remember the legends they mentioned the cold ones. They are referring to vampires."

My mind was slightly panicked. I wanted to tell myself that he's lying but he wasn't. I felt Jared grab on to my shoulders and pull me to his side. "Kim, don't worry nothing will happen to you. We are designed to kill them." As soon as I was being held by him I felt safe and protected. I melted into his side.

Sam spoke again, "vampires living in the area were what triggered the change in us. We are all descents of Taha Aki."

"Vampires living in the area?" I asked incredulously. Jared tightens his hold on my shoulders. I wanted to tuck myself into him and feel safe but I need to know this.

The way he spoke clearly indicated that he didn't want to scare me, "Recall the story about the cold ones that we made a treaty with?"

I couldn't help but scrunch my brow together trying to remember that part, "Yes, I remember reading about Ephraim Black making a treaty."

"Well, first I should let you know that vampires are immortal and are fast, strong, and have heightened senses like us. With that said the cold ones that made the treaty have moved back into the area. Do you remember…" he stopped and looked at Sam taking a deep breath, "Dr. Cullen?"

"What? Of course I do." _What is he talking about?_

"Dr. Cullen is a vampire. Yes, the same doctor that treated you and helped your mom."

My mind was blank. Completely blank.

"Don't worry, he doesn't harm humans remember. But that doesn't mean that we don't completely trust them either. When you got hurt and the ambulance was going to clearly take you to Forks General where he works we made sure you were never left unprotected."

_A vampire touched and took care of me?_

Sam spoke up, "Kim, when you got to the hospital the guys kind of freaked out. There was quite a scene in the emergency department. Dr. Cullen obviously knew we were upset because of his presentence. The hospital was ready to throw everyone out and call the cops to prevent us from entering at all. However, Dr. Cullen pulled me aside and we spoke privately. We compromised that he could grant me complete access and information if he was in charge of your case. Another doctor would clearly not allow us to stay with you when you were unconscious and move with you in the building to run various tests. In the end, I still needed to ban the guys from the premises. I stayed with you the entire time and I put Embry in charge of protect Emily while she came and left your room. He was the only one that seemed calm enough to sit in a waiting room without others calling security." He shook his head obviously recalling the memory.

"Wow, I am not really sure how to process that." I was getting overloaded a bit again. My feelings were all over the place again. I was trying so hard not to get scared because I wanted to understand this and not let my fear rule over my emotions right now. Jared began rubbing his hand up and down my arm and I felt so much calmer. I leaned into his side and laid my head on his arm. "I'm okay just in awe of everything that I am learning. I guess."

Joseph spoke up now, "We know you have gotten a lot of information and are trying to process it all. But it's important that you feel safe and protected. These boys want you happy, safe and protected. Above everyone in the tribe, you are one of the few that they feel an instinctual need to protect."

"They do?" Jared's hand froze.

Grandpa Joseph gave me a huge smile. "Kim, you need to reread all of those legends that Billy retold Saturday night and try to figure that one out on your own because one of these boys are more of a chicken than wolf." He winked at me and stood up. "The way I see it is that you'll stay scared of the boy's wolves if you don't really look at them and touch them."

Jared jumped up, "No, she's going to freak out. We can't do that to her."

Grandpa Joe shook his head, "Hush boy, she's a tough young lady. She still has a lot more to understand but it's important that she feels comfortable with us first though. I think it might help."

My mind quickly jumped around trying to figure out what I need to understand that's so important.

Sam stood up as well, "Joe, I think you are right. FELLAS GET OUT HERE!"

The rest of the guys stampeded out the back. Emily got up and sat next to me.

"It will take you a few minutes to settle down but look in their eyes and you'll be able to recognize them."

I nodded my head and tried to calm myself down because I knew once they shifted I would freak.

The guys headed out to the back yard. Jared didn't seem too happy to do this.

Paul yelled, "Kim, want to see something cool?"

I gave him a wary smile and nodded. He winked then just kind of exploded in front of me. I screamed and grabbed onto Emily. A giant silver wolf stood in the back yard kind of making wheezing sounds.

Jared yelled and walked over to the wolf, "What the fuck Paul! Do you want to give her a stroke!?"

It was almost funny to see Jared so much smaller than the giant wolf beside him. The wolf started to wheeze harder.

I realized that the wolf wasn't wheezing. It was laughing…. and obviously laughing that I screamed and got scared to death. However, it worked. Instead of scared, I am irritated that he would do that do me.

"Paul, you're an asshole!" I couldn't keep the small smile off of my face though.

Quil griped, "Awe shit, he did it again. I was ready for some crying and running in fear and she's already smiling."

Jacob, of course chimed in, "Just strip naked in front of her and she'll be start crying and running in fear."

"Enough from you boys. Show the girl your wolf." Grandpa Joe yelled.

Emily tugged on my shoulder, "You might want to hide your eyes or you'll see more than just their wolf." Amusement clearly rang in her voice.

I slapped my hand over my eyes. It was but a minute before Grandpa Joe called us, "Girls you can look now."

In the back yard were six huge wolfs. Each one was distinctly different from the other but all were beautiful. I was a bit scared but Paul's little joke had helped keep me calm.

I sat for several minutes to rein in my fear then I slowly got up and walked towards the end of the porch. I figured that the large black one was Sam because I saw him last night and the silver was Paul. I wanted to figure the others out on my own. On Sam's right hand side was a gray with dark spots wolf for some reason I wanted to say it was Embry. I looked right at him, "Embry?" He nodded his head and rolled his tongue out of his mouth.

Next, was a chocolate brown wolf that was huge but didn't seem as big as the others. I looked into his eyes and thought they looked a lot like Quil's. "Quil." He barked and I took that as a yes. Towards the back was a rusty brown wolf that even without looking at his eyes I could tell was Jacob. He was slightly taller than the rest just like Jacob is. "That's Jake." I pointed towards the back. He nodded his head.

Of course, the last one is Jared. He's beautiful, a dark, chocolate silky coat. He slowly moves toward to stand at the end of the porch. I had a strange pulling in me to want to touch him and feel his fur. It was weird but there were several times lately that I had felt it. Pushing it to the back of my mind, I told myself to just do it.

I reach out and he realized what I want to do. He slowly lowers his head so I can reach. My hand is shaking but calms as soon as I touch the side of his face. He is watching me intensely and I don't think he was even breathing. The fur is so soft and silky as I let my hand pets his huge head. The tense beating of my heart is slowing and I can feel my body begin to relax more and more. His ear is so soft and it feels so good to run my hand over it. I realize that I am smiling when his tongue rolls out of his mouth. Giving one last stroke I back up to signal I am done. He backs up as well.

As soon as we are apart two loud howls pierce the air. They all seem to get suddenly anxious and I hear Sam whimper. He looks at us then they all swiftly turn and run into the forest behind the house.

I look to Emily, "What just happened?"

Her brow is scrunched together, "I think two more wolves just shifted for the first time."

"Oh."

Grandpa Joe approached us both putting his arms around us, "Well, girls that wasn't so bad was it?"

I smiled, "No, but I think Paul scaring me to death actually kind of helped."

"That's my boy."

The phone began ringing in the house so Emily left us two on the porch. We sat down on the bench and were enjoying the weather when Emily came rushing back out of the house.

"Harry Clearwater had a heart attack and… and… Seth and Leah." She began crying. We both jumped up to console her.

Grandpa Joe cleared his voice clearly affected, "What about Seth and Leah?"

She lifted her head, "They shifted!" I didn't know Leah but I knew of Seth.

Grandpa Joe began fumbling for his cell phone and walked in the house again. We could hear him talking to someone but not what he was saying. Emily and I sat back down and I held her as she cried.

It wasn't long before he returned with the news that Harry had been taken to Forks General with a massive heart attack. Sue was with him but she was frantic over Leah and Seth's shifting.

I didn't know the Clearwaters well but if Harry did not make it then the entire tribe would be morning over the loss of an elder. According to Joe, Leah was the first ever recorded female shifter and Seth's shift was a surprise as well. He carried the gene but he hadn't shown any signs of shifting like his sister. Emily was especially affected. Harry had been her uncle and was kind to her during the time when Sam first started to pursue her unlike so many. Leah was her cousin and the woman Sam had left for Emily. They had been best friends at one time and now had completely cut Emily out of her life.

I choose to stay at the house when Joe and Emily left for the hospital. It was a private time for family and friends and I didn't feel right being there during it. I decided to make some chocolate chip cookies to keep me busy while alone in the house.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Being alone didn't last long; I heard the back door open while I was pulling out ingredients. Jared walked into the kitchen looking stressed and worn out. He came back to make sure I wasn't alone and to let me know that Harry did not make it. I knew the entire tribe would be mourning over the loss of an elder.

"Oh my gawd, are you okay?" I quickly moved towards him.

He gave me a sad smile and leaned up against the counter. I couldn't resist going over and hugging him. It was something that I had dreamed about for years but this was purely to help console him. As soon as my arms wrapped around his middle he tensed for a moment then entirely melted into me. The dam must of broke as he began crying around me and tightening his hold.

We stood there for a long time. My soul seemed satisfied for the first time since I could remember. If he needed this I would do it every single day until he felt better. His feelings seemed to seep into me and I wanted to cry because he was so upset.

He took a few big breaths and loosen his grip on me but didn't let go. In a shaky voice, "Thank you Kim, you'll never ever know how much you hugging me means to me."

I turned my face to look up at him and smiled. "Then you'll help me bake some cookies?"

He smiled down at me, "I would love to bake some cookies with you."

I let go of his waist but stopped when I went to move away and he still hadn't released me. I looked up at him questioning why.

He gave me another sad smile, "I have waited for a long time for at least a hug and it's hard for me to stop now that I finally got it." So I pressed myself against him again and squeezed him. We stayed that way a bit longer until we finally let go of each other.

Soon the two of us were working together making four batches of cookies. He explained what happened with Leah and Seth and why Sam was really having a hard time. Jared had volunteered to come back to the house when Sam began stressing over that I was here alone. Harry had been simply watching a Mariners game when he had a heart attack. The stress and shock caused Leah to suddenly shift that then caused Seth to shift as well. The entire pack was a bit on edge with the sudden turn of events and it was hard for him to explain how this affects the pack mind as he called it.

That conversation in turn had Jared explaining more details of their abilities and information. It was so hard for me to believe that they would never age and they had just been the same boys that I had been to school with all of these years. He did, however, explain that when they chose to stop phasing for a period of time then they will begin aging again.

Our alone time together felt so natural and even though it was a sad time; I enjoyed working side by side and learning a little more about him. He is my high school crush. This time spent with him will be a life-long memory. By dinner time, I was worried that no one had come home yet. Jared and I sat on the front porch swing discussing different trivial topics.

"Are you hungry?" Jared suddenly asked.

"A little. Are you?"

He laughed, "I'm always hungry. Our metabolism runs really fast so we are rarely not hungry."

"Oh, you didn't mention that before."

"Would you be interested in ordering some pizza?"

"Sure."

We both got up and headed back into the house. Jared knew the number by heart and soon four pizzas were headed our way.

The pizza was delicious. He insisted on paying and ordering a whole pizza for just me. The entire time we were together I had been trying to find a time to ask what he really meant by 'trying to become a better person'. This was it and I just needed to be brave enough to ask.

"Um Jared, do you remember that day you helped me with my roof?"

He froze and I could tell he was tense, "Yes?"

"What did you mean when you said you were trying to be a better person? It makes me upset if you felt you were bad. You… uh… you did do something bad but you're not a bad _person_."

We were sitting on the couch together with our pizza on the coffee table in front of us. He closed one of the pizza boxes and sat back.

"The night you justifiable handed me my ass I thought over every single thing you said. The money we took was to go towards paying for food plus to pay for your water. Things I have never once had to worry about. I did have a charmed life and choose to take advantage of it. You can ask my mom how I started to realize how blessed I was and that others weren't at all. After I worked through some of my anger issues, I started volunteering at the Forks soup kitchen two nights a week and that led to volunteering for Meals on Wheels three days a week during the day. I got to see that these weren't people just asking for some free food but real people in need of a good meal. The sense of pride and contentment that I get from volunteering is all because of you. I have met some great people who have just come on hard times and they are overwhelmingly thankful that I am there. I have loved it. Knowing you and meeting those people have what I think made me a better person."

His little speech was so heartfelt that I had tears in my eyes. I smiled at him because I just didn't know what to say and leaned over to hug him.

BAM. The back door slammed open. I almost jumped into Jared's arms.

"I smell PIZZA!" Embry yelled. He laughed when he saw me shaking with fear. "Sorry Kim."

I sat back from Jared, "You scared me to death."

He looked a bit sheepish, "Sorry."

I gave him a smal smile, "You can have the rest of my pizza and we made chocolate chips that you can have for dessert."

Embry was quickly at my side, "Kim, I think I forgot to tell you how lovely you look today."

"Thanks Embry." I used my sweetest voice.

He took the box and sat down.

Jared turned towards Embry on his left, "So how are they doing?"

He sighed, "Not good. Leah is really messed up, between dealing with her dad, Sam, and becoming a shifter she could use a gallon of valium. That kid Seth is really quiet, even his thoughts are quiet. I am not sure if freaking out like Leah or completely quiet like Seth is worse. I have a feeling it's going to be a long time before we can get them to phase back. We got them to move closer to their house so when they do at least they'll be there. Have you heard anything from Emily?"

"Kim and I have been here all afternoon and we haven't heard anything."

The two of them talked about how this would change the pack and soon I fell asleep leaning against Jared's arm.

**Time for the True Blood finale!**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

During the next week, Sam was a wreck. According to the guys, Leah was being particularly difficult towards everyone. Emily said Sam has a lot of guilt that she has to deal with the guys and 'listen' to Sam because he is the Alpha on top of dealing with the death of her father at the same time.

On Monday, Jared and Sam were still trying to help Leah and Seth adjust to the phase and everything else. The others were back in school. I spend the day helping Emily plan and coordinate a tribal ceremony for Harry's funeral that would take place on Thursday.

The following day, I asked Jared if he could take me into Forks to talk to Ms. Rainick at Goodwill. Of course, I had a bit of a flash back when I asked him because he would find out where I work. However, Jared was a changed person and he now had a better understanding of the struggles that some families go through.

As I spoke in the office, Jared was piling a mountain of clothes into a cart. Afterwards, I spotted him in the men's department. Walking down the aisle towards him, "KIM! These are all $2.99! Do you have ANY idea how many pairs of shorts I have gone through these past few months? This is GREAT!"

I laughed at his enthusiasm. "What if I told you that I get a 10% discount?"

"I love this place!" We both laughed and I persuaded him to buy what he had already picked out because he could always come back.

Miss Patty kept winking at me as we checked out. She obviously thought we were dating_. I wish_!

Harry's burial was on Thursday and the entire tribe seemed to be there. The other elders made sure he had a traditional tribe ceremony. Harry Clearwater had been a much respected member of the community and it was apparent that he affected a lot of people's lives. The Tribal Center was packed with everyone. I didn't feel comfortable being around a lot of people so stuck with Embry. I knew that Tony's attack on me had been a hot topic around the reservation and it was obvious some people wanted to talk to me about it. However, Jared seemed to run interference though. I gave him a grateful smile each time we made eye contact. Jared's mother and father took care of anyone that slipped past him. I really appreciated their shielding from the unwanted questions especially when this was for Mr. Clearwater. After the formal ceremony, Embry and I left to avoid the wake that followed.

The following week was filled with Jared. He was the guy that I had dreamed of during my years in high school. He WAS funny, smart, and I loved him. We became study partners and would quiz each other while everyone else was at school. The two of us quickly developed a routine. He would get there in the morning for breakfast where Jared, Sam, Emily, and I would talk then we would study together for a couple of hours. Followed by, him teaching me how to drive for an hour then I would cautiously drive to the diner for lunch. It was awkward when I had to first explain why I keep my money tucked into my bra. Afterwards we would study again for about an hour then take a walk together. It might have been one of the best weeks of my life. My dreams were filled with our times together. I felt so happy and whole but each day my alone time with him would end when the guys would get back from school. I did enjoy my time with them but I was getting selfish of my days with Jared. Embry would often take me driving again. Emily usually sent us running errands around the reservation which always included me panicking when he thought I could handle driving with a lot of cars on the road or parking.

Since the last week of school was here and that meant finals, Sam insisted on study sessions during the weekend with all of the guys. I had never witnessed an alpha order up to that point. Sam had to demand them to study and it was kind of funny how they all immediately stopped complaining and got right to work. I am not sure of the look on my face but Paul lightly flicked his pen at me as revenge.

Seth started come over to be with the guys but he wasn't allowed to come near Emily or I. We always waved from across the room. Emily already had scars as a result of Sam's in ability to control his shifting to phase early on so the guys weren't taking any chances.

During the last week of school and finals, Jared drove both us to up to school to take our tests. I was anxious to see how he did on his Trig final considering the amount of time we spend together studying. He gave me a handful of wild daisies the morning of as a thank you. I kept them in a vase next to my bed until they were completely brown.

I guess he had taken off time from volunteering when I got hurt and he started working again this week. After talking with Ms. Rainick, we decided that I would begin working on Saturday after my finals but just doing light work considering my ribs were still healing. Many of the guys weren't happy with that but it was my choice. I changed my schedule to four eight hour shifts a week instead.

After the last day of school we had an unexpected party at the beach. It was a beautiful day. The guys decided to do some cliff diving as Emily and I watched while reading on the sand below. She and I both went twice in which Sam held Emily and Embry held me. It was a complete adrenaline rush but the water was ice cold being the beginning of the summer. The food Emily packed was quickly devoured and I think the only reason why we left was because they got hungry.

Leah was a very rude to Emily and me. Sam was trying to include her in everything that we did together but she would often stay for very short periods of time or not at all. However, Seth blended in really well with the guys and he was always apologetic for his sister behavior. Neither Emily nor I could be truly upset by Leah's behavior though. She deserved some sympathy for her situation.

On Sunday, Paul showed up unexpectedly bright and early for a fishing trip. I had missed our weekly fishing trips that I loved. Therefore, I was more than willing to go.

He insisted I drive his huge truck. Jared usually let me practice driving his mother's old Honda Accord so I was very anxious about the size difference. After two failed attempts to stay on the narrow road, I put the truck in park and refused to drive again despite his fussing. Even though, we had a rough start to our day I was happy to relax with my best friend.

It was long after I caught a mountain whitefish that Paul asked, "So how's the whole Jared thing going?"

It sounded casual but I couldn't help but think he had been dying to ask me for some time.

I looked over at him trying to read his expression, "Things have been…um…real good. Why?"

He started to laugh a little and repeated to himself '_real good.'_ "I get that your friends now but… a… have you thought about maybe more?" That was the cue for my face to turn completely red and turn away from him. "No, no, no, you better look at me. I think your forgetting our conversation a while back… you know the one I am talking about. The one where you admitted to like him."

I still didn't look at him but acted like I needed to adjust my fishing pole. "What about it?"

"What about it?!" He asked incredulously. "Kim, I know you like him but do you like him enough to _DATE_ him?"

It was like a bell went off in my head, he was really close with Jared and everything I said would get back to him.

"Paul whatever I tell you then you'll think it or tell Jared. He was been really nice to me. I have enjoyed spending time with him but I don't want to screw up his happy life with my fucked up one."

He rolled his eyes, "You can stop that crap now. Are you forgetting that we can shift into a wolf? Is that your idea of happy?"

I smiled, "No, it's just… if you show him or tell him I'll bust your balls... It's just my stupid little high school crush." _My mind was screaming at me that it was definitely more than just a crush._ "He's my friend now which I love and don't want to screw up by letting him think I would love to date him. How embarrassing! What if it didn't work out? It would be so awkward then."

"KIM! What did I tell you last time? He might surprise you."

"The truth is…" I looked away again. "I am too scared to even think he could like me back."

I felt Paul wrap his arm around me and pull me to his side. "I wish there was some way for me to show you how awesome you are. If you weren't a pack sister, I would totally date you." He winked then laughed.

I smiled and turned back to fishing. He interrupted my thoughts again, "you didn't read the story of our people very well like you were supposed to."

I looked at him again, "What? What do you mean?"

He hugged me again, "I am not allowed to say. It's not my place but you need to reread the Third Wife."

"The Third Wife? Why? It just explains why Taka shifted even though he was an old man."

"Uh…that's just part of it and not even the part I am talking about. Reread the story and really read into what they are saying."

"Why aren't you allowed to tell me?"

"I am allowed. It's just I don't have the right to. However, you HAVE to promise me when you figure this out OR if the person who should be telling you does, you won't completely freak out. Promise that you'll really listen because despite what it sounds like it's not forced."

"What's not forced?"

"UGH! JUST REREAD THE STORY." He rolled his eyes. 'I hate this.'

I decided to drop the subject and not pester him but I did want to get back and figure this entirely out.

It wasn't much longer that we packed up and headed back to Sam and Emily's. I wanted to get back to have enough time to help Emily with her big Sunday dinner that everyone always came for. I think they had a 'pack' and council meeting so the house was really filled. I was also anxious to reread the Third Wife that Paul insisted that I do.

**Don't worry she is going to find out about the imprint very soon. **


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Unfortunately, Sunday evening didn't start off so well. Leah was particularly mean towards Emily and myself. I was used to being picked on but it was difficult to see Emily trying to be kind when Leah was nasty to her. I think Sam hoped that Leah would lighten up but soon it was too much for him.

After Leah practically shoved her dish into Emily's hands making her wince in pain, Sam was done.

"LEAH! You don't have to like us but you WILL respect Emily and Kim!"

If looks could kill, Sam would be. "If the fucking imprints can't handle being around me then maybe they should leave if I HAVE to be here!" She stormed out the back door. In her wake was a weird quiet atmosphere and everyone frozen in their spot. _What's an imprint? _Sam, Emily, and I had been in the kitchen cleaning when Leah shoved the plate. Jared's sudden appearance in the doorway was a surprise. Sam was wrapped around Emily as she began to cry.

I looked at Jared, "Sam, why don't you and Emily go back to your room for a while. Jared and I will finish this." I smiled at him hoping he would agree.

Sam smiled at us and walked with Emily out of the room. Jared quickly jumped in to help but he seemed tense and quiet. Luckily, we finished soon. I thanked him for his help and headed to my room. The tribe's legend book was still sitting on my end table.

I reread the story again and again I didn't understand what I was missing. It was frustrating and I fell asleep reading.

On Monday after school got out Sam and I sat down for a short meeting to go over bills and everything else.

"Kim, I added the utilities on your mom's bank account automatic payments. Luckily, the facility where she is staying suggested that she give me the power of attorney to take care of her affairs. The counselor also wanted to ask if you would be willing to come in for a family meeting. She said that it was a time for you to confront your mother about everything that has happened and to try to rebuild your relationship with her."

How can Sam be helping my mom? She helped tear his family apart. "Okay." I needed to look away.

"I also wanted to talk to you about getting the roof and repainting. Please listen before you start getting upset. Okay?"

This isn't a good sign but I nodded my head.

"I took some measurements and looked at the condition of the plywood underlayment. It definitely had some areas that looked like they needed replaced but I don't think the plywood was that bad. The cost could climb quickly if all or majority of it needed replaced but it doesn't look like it. On Wednesday, we are going to begin work on it and I just wanted you to know."

"Wednesday? I need to order the shingles, flashing, felt, roofing nails,…..everything!" I panicked. There was no way they would be here in time. Plus, I still hadn't saved enough money yet.

"It's already been done."

"WHAT?!" I was pissed. There was no way he was paying for this! Being the tribe's chief doesn't pay that well and neither does Emily's job at the grocery store.

"Kim, the elders and I have decided that you aren't going to pay for this. With the guys and myself doing the roof it isn't that horribly expensive. Plus Jared is adding three hundred dollars that was stolen from you. We would like for you to use the money you have saved towards college."

"Sam you can't do that!" Why was he doing this? I have been focused on paying and doing the roof for almost three years. He can't just take this away from me.

"You are sixteen years old. All of this responsibility of that house can't be kept on your shoulders any longer. I want you to have a life untroubled by roofs, utility bills, and everything else. You should be… be…painting your nails, going shopping, listening to boy bands…not all of this."

"So you think paying for all of this and me painting my nails is going to make everything better? I have been doing this for too damn long to let you just decide and control everything. Almost three years worth of struggling to get enough money and take care of myself and all of you can just step in now. Why? Why now? Everyone has known about my mom and situation all of these years and why is everyone suddenly interested?"

Sam just looked at me with shock.

"Kim, I am not trying to control you at all. Actually the complete opposite, I am trying to make everything easier. That HOUSE will no longer control how you live your life. You are smart, kind, and funny, everything a brother would want in a sister. I am embarrassed as this tribe's chief that I was unaware of the struggles that you and your mom have endured without our community coming together to help. However, we are now. I love you and you might be pissed at me but that money you saved is going towards your future not a roof."

Quickly getting up from the table, I practically ran out the front door. My mind was screaming for me to get out. The tears started to pour down my face and I could feel a panic attack coming on.

Sam was calling me but Emily luckily told him to leave me be.

As soon as I got to the edge of the yard, Jared came running out from the back towards me.

"Kim!" I was starting to get dizzy from hyperventilating but I needed to leave. Ignoring him I continued towards the opening that led to my overlook. Just as I broke through the line of trees, Jared grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face him.

"Kim! What is wrong?" I couldn't talk. The panic attack seemed to be getting worse and I was beginning to see spots.

He must have sat down because the next time I know I am sitting in his lap with my face being held by his hands.

"Shhh, calm down sweetie. Take deep breaths. Come on, we'll go to your spot but you got to calm down first." It took several minutes but I eventually calmed enough to breathe correctly. The tears didn't stop as I replayed in my head the conversation with Sam.

"Feeling better? Did you want to go to your spot?" I nodded my head.

He got up and lightly put me on the ground then ran off and picked up something from the behind a tree. Holding out a shirt, I didn't understand what he was doing. I looked down at my shirt assuming that I needed to change it for some reason.

He gave me a sad smile, "It's to wipe your face with. Don't worry the shirt is Paul's. We keep clothes stashed around in case we rip the ones we're wearing."

I took it and blew my nose. I couldn't help but laugh but that just seemed to trigger more tears. He grabbed the shirt then took my hand and started walking.

The tears were gone by the time we got to my place. It felt kind of weird now. Part of my problem was Jared putting money towards the roof and now I am going to have to hear his reasons. I need to be alone. Alone was safe and secure. I was never alone at Sam's.

I sat down and closed my eyes. The breeze felt so good and the sounds of the waves were calming my nerves just like they always do.

Jared sat down beside me and my body just began to calm. After a few moments Jared softly asked, "Do you always come here when you're upset?"

I opened my eyes but kept them on the waves in the distance. I nodded.

We sat in silence for a long time without saying anything. My mind was blank because that's how I deal with overly emotional things. Jared obviously doesn't deal with things the same way.

"I overheard you and Sam." I didn't say anything. "Do you want to talk about it?"

With that I sighed, "Jared, for almost three years I have been working extra hours to save enough money to replace that roof. Three years! I have climbed a ladder in thunderstorms and hail to have it last long enough until I had the money. Three years of stress and worry and when Sam simply tells me he doesn't think I should pay for it. I can't even think about that roof not being apart of my everyday stress. AND YOU I don't want your money. The last thing I want is to remember what happened. I know you want to replace it because you feel guilty but I am past that, way past it." I started to sob again, "People don't care about me that's what I am used to. Ignored, invisible, and bullied is how I have lived for three years. How can you guys expect me to suddenly be okay with these changes?" With that I was done and my emotions took over, Jared handed me the shirt which I hid my face in. He pulled me into the side of his body that I happily melted into. I can't help but feel warm and safe.

"You're right Kim. I can't imagine all of those years of struggle but I will repay what I took. You had to fight for two weeks to EAT. I am embarrassed and at least now I feel like I can literally pay you back somehow. Can you at least accept that?" He was pleading and I did understand his point of view so I nodded.

I lied against him for a long while then I thought back to my conversation with Paul.

"Jared, why did Paul tell me to reread the story of the Third Wife?"

He quickly sat straight up, "What?"

I sighed expecting him to avoid it just like Paul, "I reread the story. He told me to read into the story but I am missing it. Oh and Grandpa Joe even said reread to figure out why all of you are instinctual designed to protect me?"

Jared was quiet and looking down like he was processing that I had asked him.

I tried again, "Is it because I am Quileute and my children will probably be able to shift too?"

"Um…no." Jared's voice was so soft that I barely heard him. I turned to look at him. His face was so stressed and sad.

He sat for a moment then it was like he was having a conversation with himself by the way he was looking down intensely. He nodded his head then looked at me. When our eyes met we seemed to melt into each other.

He sat up more and grabbed my hands.

"Kim, please, please, please listen really listen to everything I tell you. I am giving you the honest truth but if you start blocking everything then you won't believe me. Okay?"

I got a little nervous but agreed.

He blew out a breath, "It's a long story but one you need to understand all of it to understand the story of the Third Wife." He smiled then began, "Like you I have lived in La Push my whole life. Like you told me, I had a great family and I thought I was invincible even though I was taught better at home. My inflated ego refused to acknowledge others that didn't have an inflated ego just like myself. Over time, I didn't grow up I seemed to just get more ignorant to how small La Push High School is in the real realm of things. I thought I was better than everyone else even my friends." He took a big breath and blew it out.

"Like you were told the money we took from you was used for a party that Friday night. I got in a fight and drunk so I never made it home. When I did finally get there my mom was completely distraught. She was crying and yelling at me for being so selfish and disrespectful towards her and my father. The arrogance that you saw at school is the same they got at home. She is continued to yell and I just… just… became enraged. When I started to shake more and more she luckily backed away because she was afraid and that's when I first phased. Those first few days were one of the worst days of my life. I was a big furball of fear, pity, and anxiety. It took me three days to even calm enough to consider phasing back. I had never really cared for Paul at school. He was too aggressive and in my pathetic eyes, not cool enough. When he phased Sunday, I felt an instant sense of brotherhood with him. Before I could care less about him but when he phased I would happily put my life down to save him. When you are literally inside each other's head then you understand them more and understand how other people see the same thing differently than you." He stopped and rub his face with his hands.

"After about two weeks, Paul and I were able to control ourselves really well so it was decided that we would go back to school. The elders and Sam gave us specific orders about moving away from our friends and begin to isolate ourselves so that our secret could be safely protected. Of course, our sudden change in appearance gave us unwelcomed attention. I had grown up a lot since the change but when I looked into your eyes I found out how clueless I still was. I was even ignorant to how asinine I had become. The girl I knew others picked on because you didn't have friends or dress in tight shirts and miniskirts. I _assumed_ you were still just a little girl playing with dolls that never cared to tell me how great I was. That day was a slap in my face. Paul helped me settle down and promised to make sure no one messed with you especially after what had happened in the past. When school finally got out, I watched you leave and walk to the bus stop, I finally had my chance to apologize. Your reaction wasn't what I expected and I panicked then you…you… almost died." His voice cracked and he started to tear up. He started to become more and more upset and soon started to almost sob. I couldn't resist holding him. He immediately wrapped himself around me and held me while he cried into my hair.

"Jared, I understand now. It's okay. I over reacted and you saved me. If it wasn't for that dumb ass mistake I would still be miserable and lonely. I forgave you a long time ago. We need to move past this now."

He held me for a long time then sat back but held my face in his hands. "It's important that you hear my whole story. _The whole story_." I nodded and he let me go but held onto my hands. He took another big breath and began again.

"I replayed those things you told me over and over in my head for a long time. I was so messed up that I couldn't control myself. I couldn't see my parents or anyone besides Sam and Paul for a long time because I would phase when the memories or truths would flash through my mind. It was a lonely time for a while but it was just what I needed in the end. A good two weeks of isolation forced me to deal with my past and help me see how I needed to change my future. Sam had decided that I would be homeschooled because he feared my emotions may be unpredictable at school if I saw someone treat you wrong. I was also too embarrassed to see you. When I was able to finally talk with my parents about what happened I could be honest and humble for the first time that I could even remember. My mother will always see you as an angel for what you showed me."

He took a big breath, "My dad suggested the volunteering so I could understand your point of view better. He was right. It was enlightening and I have genuinely enjoyed it. Paul was the one that thought it was time for me to at least be near you. He had shown me some memories of his time spent with you and I had done well with that." He tugged on my hands to really pay attention to what he was saying now. "When I looked into your eyes I knew I loved you." I gasped but he continued, "But I couldn't be around you because I wasn't worthy and again all I could think about was what you had told me. When I began volunteering I was able to do something to physically change who I had been along with mentally. However, when I ran into Tony a few times he somehow figured out that you were one of the reasons for my decision to homeschool which he didn't take too well. I threatened him. We had been friends for a long time and he had always been kind of offensive when he talked about girls but at the time I just brushed it off. I would never in a million years think he was capable of hurting you especially because of me. It killed me. I let you down again but you are so accepting of me even after what I did to you and what others did to you because of me. You privileged me with presence and I got to know the real you. Our days spent together have been some of the best days of my life. I fell completely and utterly in love with _this Kim_ not the one I did all those months ago." Tears were streaming down my face now. He smiled a little and wiped them away. "Kim, the Third Wife story tells us why I fell in love with you." _What?_ "The third wife was Taka's imprint which means every soul has another half. Normally as we get older and mature sometimes people are luckily enough to find their soul mate. But when you are a shifter we are able to find out who they are as soon as you look into their eyes. Our eyes are the window to our souls. I don't have to wait and guess, I got to be blessed right away. YOU are my imprint and our souls are each other's missing half." My mind was blank and completely blank. I could only stare at him. He was looking a little panicked and tugged on my hands.

He loves me because he's a shifter? "It's not real." My heart started to crumble a little and suddenly I couldn't breathe anymore. I pulled my hand away and grabbed at my head as I began to cry. I began crying uncontrollably into my hands. Jared kept saying something to me but I could hear him. He doesn't really love me. The spirits are telling him too.

I was suddenly jerked by my shoulders and my hands fall to my lap. "KIM! You are kind, humble, funny, selfless, generous, mature, smart and beautiful! I love how you hair feels like silk when I get the nerve to touch it. Your hands are so expressive when you talk about something you believe in. I love that cute face you get when you are trying to concentrate while you drive. You are a great cook, can fix more things on a house than some handymen, you are patient in helping others, and too many other things to even name. THAT'S THE **REAL** REASON WHY I LOVE YOU! How couldn't I? Just let that sink in. I loved you when looked in your eyes but I have fallen IN love with this Kim."

Tears just continued to fall but I heard him. He pulled me into a hug and all of these months and years of loving and dreaming of him begin to crash down on me. I try to process that he just told me that he loves me back. My mind is racing with everything he said and trying to make sense of it. However, I can't the pull is making me struggle with my feelings. I need to be alone.

I suddenly sat up, "Jared, I need some time to myself right now. Could you head back to Sam's?"

He looked so vulnerable and worried. "I… I… can't just leave you in the forest by yourself. Please don't ask me for that. Can…Can… someone else stay with you?"

My heart was breaking, he was miserable and I was so afraid me insisting would further destroy him right know.

"Okay. He nodded his head then looked at me for a long moment before getting up. He disappeared around the boulder. It wasn't long before I heard a loud howl followed by two short ones close to where I was. Jared must of shifted to call for one of the others to be with me.

My mind continued to race and spread doubt throughout its path. He is forced to love me. He didn't even care who I was before so why would he now without the imprint. This wasn't right.

Tears were slowly falling down my face when Paul showed up.

He sat down next to me, "Hey Kimmy. You can consider that shirt all yours."

I tried to smile at his insistence of annoying me with calling me that but it was a grimace that triggered a sob from my throat. He quickly wrapped me up in a hug that I clung onto.

Jared loving me was a dream. And dreams don't really come true.

After a few minutes, Paul spoke, "He finally told you but here you are being held by me." He shook his head. "That's it. Enough of this crap." He released me then stood. "Let's go." He held his hand out.

I just looked at him confused. Was he going to try to make me talk to Jared? I am not ready. When I didn't move he picked me up faster than I could acknowledge and started walking.

"Paul, I am not ready. Please don't do this."

In his worst whiny voice, "But I finally get to eat ice cream with my best friend when she's upset over a guy. I hear girls do that all the time. Don't deny me, I want a colossal ice cream sundae."


	22. Chapter 22

******Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. 

**Thank you for all of the reviews, favorites, and alerts!**

Chapter 22

Forks doesn't have a lot of places to eat but Angels is known for their homemade ice cream. It's heavenly just as advertised.

We sat at a table in the gazebo at the park across the street. Paul's sundae took up half of the table compared to my two scoops.

We ate in silence until Paul decided it was time to work this out.

"You have forgotten everything I told you. Plus, you didn't really listen to Jared like he asked either."

I just looked at him. My mind had settled and now he was pulling at it again to start to process everything. He rolled his eyes.

"Giirrrlll, I saw what happened between you two. He showed me when I phased BUT you clearly didn't listen." He used a sing song voice I think just to annoy me but I still didn't say anything.

He huffed out a breath, "Fine, you don't have to say anything but I just want you to listen. You'll be getting a test when I am done to make sure you did." He raised his eyebrows I think waiting to see if I would say anything but I just wasn't ready.

"Remember when we went fishing yesterday and I told you that despite what the story of the Third Wife sounded like, it wasn't forced. Think about it, if ones imprint is the other half of your soul then how can you force two halves to love another. You can't, it's the same soul. I believe our souls are like puzzle pieces. When we date it's like we are trying to see if that person fits with our piece. Some people are better at picking pieces than others. I think when Jared was an arrogant asshole; he was kind of blind. He wasn't his true self. If he had been then he would never have gotten past his ego even when he shifted. He was trying to fit an end piece with his middle piece; it would never fit. Emily is Sam's imprint but he wasn't blind when he dated Leah. Their pieces somewhat went together but it didn't fit perfectly. They never locked into place and kind of shifted around so in the end they would break a part because it wasn't perfect fit. You didn't know Leah or Emily before but they are very similar to one another. Hell, they had been best friends at one point which means they had similar pieces. However, Emily is Sam's perfect fit. When he came back after he first phased, he said he could 'feel' Leah didn't 'fit' and started to pull away from her even more. The moment he saw Emily though his soul had found its match. Of course, I can only tell you what I see inside Sam and Jared's mind when they recall that moment but it's like an epiphany. They found their other half. You can feel it too. So YES, Jared did love you when he looked into your eyes but I can contest that he fell IN LOVE with you over the past few months. At the beginning he would just think about if your needs were met. For example, were you happy, eating, protected, warm, and safe but when he got to KNOW you those thoughts changed. He began to concentrate over how giving, kind, smart, and everything you were. When you started to get good at fishing I thought I was going to strangle him." He laughed to himself. "I used to show him memories of the two of us fishing and anything else he would enjoy seeing. I think the time you brought in two silver salmon right in a row, he was going to burst with pride. I think he talked and thought about it for four days straight. It drove me up a wall."

He stopped and quickly scooped up the last of his ice cream then rubbed his belly while leaning back.

"Kim, that boy is IN LOVE with you. I know you love him so why is this so hard?"

I had abandoned my ice cream long ago and really tried to listen. Every single thing that Paul said made sense out of something that shouldn't. I tried to process it and accept that Jared did love me but it felt like something kept me from letting him in my heart. I started crying again because I just didn't understand why I couldn't.

Paul grabbed my chair and dragged me over next to him.

"Did you listen?" I nodded my head.

"Do you understand now?" Again I nodded. I did understand I was just… scared. I felt scared.

I choked out, "I'm scared." The truth of that statement made me cry harder. It was at that moment that I realized that I was scared to have him love me.

He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. "Why Kimmy?"

I shrugged my shoulders and cried harder. We sat there for a while Paul rubbed his hand up and down my back to get me to calm down. He sat up, "Come on, I have an idea."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his truck. By the time we got to Grandpa Joesph's house I was numb and cried out. He was standing on the porch like he was expecting us.

I couldn't seem to move from the truck so Paul pushed me towards the door. We approached the porch with he standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders.

"Pops, I think Kim needs the same talk that I needed when I first got here. She doesn't understand the sun." _Uh?_

He smiled at me, "Paul, grab the fishing stuff. Kim doesn't need to talk anymore she needs to go fly fishing."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

It wasn't long before we had settled at one of our regular places along the Quillayute River. We had been fly fishing for a little while when Grandpa Joe sat next to me.

"You are becoming a real angler. When Paul first came to live with me, he hadn't gone fishing for a long time. I'll just say it was a real learning curve for him. He wasn't too happy that forced him to go but I knew it was exactly what he needed. You needed it too."

I smiled and he was right. There is an aspect of Zen in the activity of fishing. Because it is mentally and physically demanding, fishing requires you to clear your mind of everyday concerns for some period of time, whether it's an hour or several days. When you're done and you return to those everyday matters, your mind is better suited to deal with them. Paul had taught me that months ago.

The three of us spend hours fishing. We all caught something but threw them back. This wasn't about filling our freezer. Paul's stomach is what finally had us packing up and heading back. I felt so much better. I got to forget all of my problems and just let my mind concentrate on the activity instead.

In Paul's truck, I sat between Grandpa Joe and Paul. It was decided that we would head to dinner in Forks. I was sure Emily and Sam would be upset not to know where I was. Of course, I didn't have my cell phone considering how I left the house this morning.

"Paul, can I borrow your phone? I should call Emily and Sam to let them know where I am and that I won't be home for dinner."

He glanced over at me, "I already called. They know you're with us."

I didn't understand, "How do they know?"

He hesitated, "When we were fishing I went to take a piss and called them afterwards."

I looked forward and Grandpa Joe wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Leaning on him, I rested my head on his shoulder and refused to let my mind process the events of the day. The here and now was exactly where I kept my thoughts.

I didn't realize I was dozing until Grandpa Joe nudged me awake when we reached the restaurant parking lot. Dinner was wonderful. We were treated to another childhood story of mischief by Joseph followed by how he faked an illness to avoid being drafted for Vietnam.

The drive back to La Push made all of the happenings of the day return. I needed to face Sam and of course I needed to deal my feelings and everything with Jared. We pulled up to Sam and Emily's and luckily no one was out front.

"Paul, could you let Jared know I'm not ready to talk right now?"

"Of course, umm…do you think I could let him see my memory of what we talked about? I am positive he is panicking."

I thought about everything Paul and I discussed. Actually, he was the one that did almost all of the talking. I nodded.

Grandpa Joe spoke up, "Paul, why don't you head inside. Kim and I will be in a minute."

Paul smiled at me, "Love ya Kim. If you need to talk, call me. I'll be here in a flash." He kissed my head then headed into the house. I watched him go.

"That boy is a good one. How he didn't turn out to be a total asshole after his father, I'll never know."

I only knew about his past from what Paul had told me that one time at the beach. I didn't even know if it was Grandpa Joe's son or daughter that had been Paul's parent.

"My daughter has always loved the bad boys. My mistake was keeping her hidden from the evils of some people. I figured that out a little too late. The poor thing was naïve when I set her off to college in Seattle. She was the mouse that the hawks descended on. I am not trying to excuse her for ignoring the abuse her own son suffered at the hands of her husband but giving you some background. After Paul was about five years old, I had a falling out with my daughter over his hygiene and place they were living. She refused to communicate with me but I did get to have Paul each summer for a month." He cleared his throat, "When social services contacted me regarding taking custody of Paul, I didn't hesitate. He was my grandson and I love him unconditionally. The problem came when he came to live with me. He was hurt but not broken. I didn't send him to school for a month. He needed to heal first. I know he never believed me when I told him I loved him. His mother and father were far too self-centered to show love to him. The only thing that seemed to help was fishing. It calmed his soul and taught him to calm his mind to process the evils of his past and the good of his future. However, he wouldn't let me love him and resisted any notion. So it dawned on me, he was afraid of being loved. You don't exactly have the same story as Paul but your mother has obviously failed to show you are worth being loved. I don't know what Jared told you or what Paul talked to you about but he was right you need to understand the sun." He grabbed my hands, "Kim, someone once told me a saying in which I felt applied to Paul and obviously now you. 'The sun shines equally on everything on the planet. It doesn't pick and choose where to shine its rays based on how good or bad things are. It just gives its warmth equally.' Think about how that quote applies to what you are feeling. Remember those boys in there fell in love with the Kim they know not some girl with a crappy home life. You can try to tell them you aren't worth it but it's not going to change their mind or heart. Think about that sweetie and you'll understand. Okay?"

I was stunned and almost nervous about all the truths he revealed. It was time for me to really be alone right now. Grandpa Joe had given me the strength to understand myself better and maybe work through everything that Sam, Jared, and Paul had explained.

I nodded my head with a small smile and we both headed in.

Luckily, the house wasn't packed with all of the guys. Sam and Emily were sitting on the couch watching some sitcom while Paul sat in a chair. When we walked in Sam quickly stood up and quickly approached me. He wrapped me up in a hug.

"Kim, I am sorry. I thought about why you were upset and I didn't realize how much I was forcing my opinions and wants on you. This roof has been a part of your life for over three years and I didn't consider how difficult it would be to just suddenly have it gone without any say. Can we sit down before I drive you to work in the morning and discuss this?"

I hugged him tighter, "Thank you. Sure, we can meet in the morning."

Emily came up behind us smiling, "I gave him a good knock on the head when I found out what happened. Hopefully, he understands your perspective now."

Sam let go but Emily grabbed my hand and we headed to my bedroom. She closed the door as we took a seat on the bed.

"Jared came by. He told us about letting you know about the imprint. I am sure you don't need to hear anymore advice but I am here if you want to talk. Just remember Sam and I didn't have the ideal being to our relationship either. I guess you can figure out why he broke up with Leah and started to pursue me. Obviously, I was quite resistant for a long time but my soul was with him. I did want to tell you that Jared will be whatever you need him to be whether it's a friend, brother, or lover. So don't think you need to dive into a relationship, you can do this any way you want." She padded my leg and smiled then left.

What a crazy day. I decided a shower was the first thing that I need to deal with. Washing away the grime of fishing and just to feel better.

I got into bed and decided to start with what Paul had said about imprints. The analogy using puzzle pieces really made sense. I completely understood it now but I just didn't understand why I felt terrified that Jared was in love with me. This wasn't supposed to happen. I could feel myself starting to get upset but really not sure why. This needed to be dealt with so I pushed through it and started to deal with these feelings.

Grandpa Joe had given me a quote that I needed to understand. I could tell that it was the key to understanding why I was scared. I guess love is like the sun. Maybe it had been shining on me all along but I just couldn't see it. Maybe I had been putting up rain clouds of unworthiness therefore blocking it from coming in_. That was it._ The boys and Emily had been showing me love even telling me at times but I didn't feel worthy. So I was scared to actually accept it but I was a good person. I treated others well. Why wouldn't I deserve it? So I made a decision, I decided to pay attention to all of the love that was coming in.

I felt so much better. This wasn't something that I could just change immediately but I would do my best to try to accept it. I was definitely not ready to start some kind of relationship with Jared but stay friends. If I healed myself then maybe I could be ready for something more with him.

Jared deserved to hear the truth. Tomorrow after work, I would do just that.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

At first, I couldn't get to sleep, tossing and turning until I was completely frustrated. Obviously, the guys had showed up because I could hear a lot of hushed voices. Then I felt it. I could feel when Jared came in. A weird emptiness that I had felt a lot but passed it off was now somehow _satisfied_? A small smile began to form on my face. Soul mate, damn it sounds like a fairy tale. I decide to use the feelings to calm myself so I could fall asleep.

I don't usually remember dreams and I didn't now but I awoke suddenly with a feeling of anxiousness and my heart racing. I quickly sat up and held my head trying to calm down. Then I got irritated at myself. This is dumb. Quickly moving from the bed I get ready for work.

Sam is already sitting at the kitchen table reading over some papers but Emily is nowhere to be found.

I smile, "Good morning."

He returns my smile, "Emily is sleeping in today so the coffee is questionable."

I give him a little laugh and go to get a cup for myself. I can't say it's bad but Emily and I should be the ones making it. I decide to add milk to cut the bitterness.

"I guess I don't have to ask you if it's okay to drink. Uh?"

"It's drinkable but you just put in too much coffee. I could make better by just adding hot water but milk will do." I gave him a smile.

He got up from the table, "How do bagels sound?"

It wasn't long before Sam and I were situated on the porch swing with our bagels and coffee.

"Sam you don't need to drive me to work. I am used to riding the bus. And I really don't mind."

"If I can drive you or one of the guys then we will. I would just feel better knowing you are safely getting there and back. Plus I get to the Tribal office a little early which means I get more done without anyone there."

I nodded. The bus had never been a problem for me. It was waiting for one that was.

"Kim, again I am sorry about how I have been treating this whole paying for the roof thing. Can we compromise?"

I didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

"Let me pay for everything upfront then when I total the cost you can pay for a quarter of the cost."

"I am willing to accept your offer but only if I pay for half. I have quite a bit saved and it's important to me."

Sam didn't look happy, "Fine, I'll agree but I want the rest of your money to go towards your future. That's important to me." He gave me a side hug. "So do you have any questions about imprinting?"

I sighed, "I think Paul did a good job explaining it but what did you feel when you looked at Emily in the eyes? Was it really love?"

Sam blew out a breath and put his arm over my shoulders. "Paul told me how he explained imprinting. I couldn't explain it better and it's kind of funny coming from someone who hasn't." He lightly chuckled to himself. "I was still dating Leah when I came back but it just didn't seem right so I was planning on braking up with her. I needed to do it anyway because I was afraid to tell or hurt her. I went to a party at her house and Emily was there. When I looked into her eyes everything else melted away. I could feel that she felt right. It was love I felt but Jared is right. My love for Emily strengthen and deepen over time. At first, it was this extreme need to see her happy, safe, and protected. Just seeing her smile would warm my heart however over time when I got to know her I did fall in love with her. It took a long time for her to accept me because of her loyalty to Leah but the pull between us kept bringing us together. It was one of the best things that has ever happen to me. Finding out about you and Embry was definitely one of them too."

I couldn't help the big hug I gave him. He was a great big brother. So supportive and kind to me and we have just recently found out about each other. I could feel his love for me and for the first time I accepted his love and felt the warm of it.

Sam dropped me off at work. My day was busy sorting but it was a nice mind numbing job that I welcomed right now. During my lunch break, I decided that I would text Jared to see if he would pick me up.

'_**Jared, could you pick me up from work? I was hoping that you would take me driving.' **_I thought that practice driving would be give us time together but not have the pressure of discussing what happened.

His response was almost immediate, _**'I would love to take you driving. I'll be waiting out front at five when you are done.' **_

It suddenly got real and I felt kind of nervous about everything. I had to keep reminding myself that I could handle this. I had gone driving with him a lot of times and it would be easier on both of us.

Of course the afternoon flew by quickly. I felt a change in the atmosphere and glanced at the clock. 4:43pm. Maybe Jared arrived early and that's what I was feeling. I finished up my work and by then it was time to go. Blowing out a breath and giving myself a pep talk I walked out.

**I will be going on vacation Friday for two weeks. Therefore, I probably won't be updating while away. My husband and I will be going Barcelona and wifi is never reliable plus I probably won't be writing. I do have chapter 25 finished so if I can it will be posted.**

**Thank you for everyone's support - I will be back and this story will be finished.**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

God was shining down on him, the sun cast a ray across the front of his car where he was leaning. His eyes had obviously been locked on the door. He stood up as soon as I took a step outside.

He was so beautiful but you could see the stress around his eyes. I felt so guilty but this was one step towards making it right.

I gave him a small smile and walked towards him. I couldn't resist wrapping my arms around him for a hug. Poor Jared, I think I startled him but he quickly returned my hug with earnest.

Since spending time with the guys I was given more hugs than my entire life. They always felt caring however, with Jared it was a strange feeling of warmth and protectiveness. It was like nothing could hurt me; I was safe. I wanted to knock myself in the head. It made sense now.

I pulled back and smiled up at him. We didn't speak but he leaned down and opened the door for me. I felt butterflies in my stomach while he rounded the car to drive back to La Push.

As we crossed over into La Push, Jared was the first to speak. "Did you still want to go driving?"

"If it's okay with you."

He glanced over at me then returned his eyes to the road. "Good, I'll wait until it's a good place to pull over then we can switch places."

"Okay." I tried not to get anxious. We had been driving many times together but avoid talking was actually making me nervous. This was ridiculous and avoiding it was stupid. "Um Jared, do you think we could practice for a little while then maybe talk?"

He glanced over at me again, "okay." I instantly felt bad. He was obviously was nervous as well. We were torturing each other. I felt like he had given me total control so it was important to reassure him.

"I promise it's not bad." I grabbed his arm and gave him a light squeeze. His returning smile was worth swooning over.

Jared pulled over on a large shoulder to the road. He smiled at me, "Is this okay?"

"Yeah." I got out and we switched sides. We needed to talk about something. The silence was terrible.

As I pulled the car from the shoulder and back onto the road, "How's Leah and Seth doing?"

"Well, Seth seems to be doing great. He was real quiet at first but I think that was his way of dealing with the loss of his dad. Now I think he enjoys being with all of us and feels like he belongs. Leah is still struggling, not that I can blame her. I wish she could just not take it out on all of us. No one wants to do patrol with her because of the pissed off thoughts in her head. If her brother wasn't there I am not sure how we would know how to deal with her anger. When she shifted we all instantly felt this sisterly bond with her but it's hard to deal with."

"I can't imagine how difficult it must be for her but I wouldn't want to be in her head."

"I'll just say some of us are able to handle it better than others." He smiled at that.

About 45 minutes later, I had my fill of driving. I don't think I'll ever be a big driver. It was just too scary when other cars are coming in the other direction towards me.

"Do you want to get something for dinner at the diner?" I asked.

He was beaming, "Yes, I would love to eat dinner with you."

"Can you call Emily and Sam to let them know I won't be home for dinner?"

"Sure." Jared pulled out his cell phone. 'Hi, Emily this is Jared. Kim and I are going to grab something to eat at the diner. We just wanted to let you know she won't be there for dinner.' He was quiet so he must be listening to her. 'Thanks Em, me too. Talk to you later.'

I cautiously pulled into the parking lot, parking quite a bit away from the other cars.

We got out and Jared jogged ahead to open the door for me. We sat in the back where Grandpa Joe and I had sat previously. Sue came over to us to deliver silverware and get our drink orders.

"Hi kids, how are you?"

Jared and I returned her smile. Jared spoke up, "Good, we wanted to come to the IT place in La Push for some great food."

Sue lightly laughed, "Well, you're in luck we got plenty. What can I get you to drink?"

Soon, we were sitting facing each other while taking small sips of our drinks. It was time for me to talk.

"Thank you for picking me up from work."

He looked at me seriously, "Kim, I will take every moment I can get with you." Of course, I blushed.

I blew out a breath, "I have been really overloaded with everything. Between you, Paul, Sam, Emily, and Grandpa Joseph I have had a lot to consider and think about. I think I understand imprinting now and I believe everything you told me." I looked up at him. His face didn't give away what he was feeling. I think he was trying to concentrate on what I was saying. "Did…uh…Paul show what we discussed?" He nodded still not giving anything away. I suddenly wasn't sure I wanted to talk about this. My feelings of unworthiness were making an appearance. I looked down at the table. Coming to the diner was a terrible idea, I can't handle this. I felt him grab my hands under the table and tug on them. He was trying to encourage me to continue but all my insecurities were stressing me.

Jared decided to take over for me, "So you understand that imprinting isn't forced?"

I nodded but was still unable to look at him.

He lowered his voice, "Kim, like I told you yesterday I am in love with you and its okay if you don't exactly feel the same way about me. But I just want to be in your life if you'll let me. I think it would be best if we were friends for now. Is that okay with you?"

I slowly raised my head to look into his eyes, "I'd like that."

"So I can call you and we can plan to do things together as friends?"

I smiled at him, "Yes."

His returning smile could light up the room. I let out a big breath and I noticed that Jared did too. We just needed to relax and enjoy each other's company after that short but intense discussion.

Soon, Jared was eating half of the menu and I had a simple grilled chicken salad. Luckily, the awkwardness quickly left and we were soon discussing a lot of trivial topics.

Just as we were heading out the door, Cindy and Lisa were walking in. Jared tensed and was clearly glaring at them. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

They were both startled by our presence but quickly recovered.

Cindy had always been the more aggressive one, "Hey Jared, you're not leaving are you? I haven't seen you for months. I thought we could get to _know _each other again and get caught up for lost time." She added a wink and a smile.

I may not be an expert on what is sexy but I am positive her little wink and smile wasn't. I was surprised when Jared continued to glare at her.

"Cindy it would be best if you and Lisa were never to directly speak to me or Kim again. This is your one and final warning. I have grown up and have no tolerance for stupid little girls." Jared voice was dark and cruel, they both looked shocked by his hostility.

I tried to begin moving away from the door, I wanted away from them but luck wasn't on my side.

"Don't tell me you are hanging out with her now. I guess Tony was right, she must be a great lay if you are willing to abandon all of us for THAT." Her voice dripped with disgust.

Jared seemed to grow in height then leaned down to look directly into Cindy's eyes. Lisa backed away frightened.

"I fucking told you not to directly talk to Kim or I again then you mention Tony. You'll turn around and leave _now_ or I'll let every single person in the diner know why you always seem to have a stuffed up nose and all those nose bleeds. It would be bad to let your church going mother become aware of her daughter's extra-curricular activities as well. I'll make sure you are destroyed."

Cindy started to shrivel before my eyes. Every word cut into her. Lisa grabbed her hand and they ran back to their car. Jared took a step to follow them. I was standing there in shock but I noticed he was shaking and that meant he could phase. I couldn't let him do that.

Grabbing his arm I pulled him to his car at the far end of the lot. Standing beside the car he was looked down at me but his shaking continued. I was getting worried. He can't drive home like this.

"Jared?"

He closed his eyes and the tremors got worse. Now I was panicked.

"Jared GO! You can't do that here!"

He opened his eyes and looked at me again and shook his head to indicate he wasn't going.

"Jared, I'll go inside with Sue and call one of the guys to come get me. You are in no condition to drive. Go!"

With that he took off into the trees behind the diner. I stood shocked for several minutes processing what had just happened.

.

Reentered the diner, I was relieved to see none of the patrons seemed to be aware of what happened. I approached the counter and took a seat. I pulled out my phone from my bag and called Embry.

"Hey Sis!"

I smiled, "Hi Embry, do you think you could pick me up at the diner?"

His voice was immediately concerned, "What happened to Jared?"

"Don't worry Jared and I are great. I'll explain it when you pick me up."

"Okay, I'll be there soon." We hung up just as Sue slid a cup of coffee in front of me.

"I saw a little of what happened. Did Jared go…uh…for a run?"

I sighed, "Yea, I told him I would wait inside with you until one of the guys showed up to take me to Sam's. How are you doing? You seem to have it all together but I still think about you."

Sue came around the counter and sat next to me. "I am doing okay. Some days are better than others." She gave me a sad smile. "You know I have known about those boys for some time now since Harry and I were elders. However, I am still adjusting to Leah and Seth now being apart of them. I worry terribly. But I feel reassured that they have each other in this. Seth has adjusted well but my poor Leah. She is so hurt, angry, and alone. I just want her to smile again."

I grabbed her hand. "Sue, she has a right to be happy some day. I just hope she finds peace soon. She deserves it. The best thing we can do is to continue to be accepting of her."

Her eyes were misty, "Thank you Kim."

Embry strolled into the diner and headed towards us. "Hellllooo ladies." We both smiled up at him.

Sue got up and gave Embry a hug, "How about piece of pie for the two of you?"

Embry squeezed her back, "I would LOVE that." She released him and headed off.

He plopped himself next to me and bumped his shoulder into mine with a huge grin that I couldn't help but return.

His grin dropped quickly to concerned, "So everything between you and Jared okay?"

"They're real good. I think I get the whole imprinting thing and I do believe it but we are going to be friends. I am not ready for anything else right now."

"That's my girl," he gave me a side hug. "So where is he if everything is okay?"

"Well, long story short, he got into with some girls that used to bully me and had problems controlling his anger. So I told him to go for a run and I would call someone to pick me up."

Sue delivered his piece of pie and quickly returned to wait on others. "Was I your first choice?"

"Yep, I feel like I haven't seen you so here is a great excuse to get some time with you."

We smiled at each other and he dug into his pie.

**Spain and Portugal was incredible. So much to see and too little time to see it.**

**Unfortunately, I didn't do any writing. However, I reread what I wrote and I am quite displeased with all of my mistakes. I would love to go back and fix them but I'll just get behind working on the story. I also realized I completely ignored the whole Bella -Jacob drama. (I have always hated that part of Twilight so maybe it was meant to be.) It would be too complicated to intertwine that story with this one always.**

**Thanks for everyone supporting and reading.**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Embry and I walked into Emily and Sam's laughing at his imitation of Donald Duck while giving me advice on driving. He insisted on having me drive to the house since it was beginning to get dark and I had never driven in the dark. I don't see me ever being able to drive late at night. It's bad enough during the day.

Jared came rushing over to us. "Kim, I am so sorry. I…I…just couldn't..." He was panicked.

I touched his arm, "It's fine. I am not upset. I got spend some time with Embry."

He blew out a breath and nodded his head then turned to Embry, "Thanks man."

"I'll tell you something you can do together – go driving. For someone who faced the world practically on her own for how many years, she sure is nervous just driving four miles from the diner in the dark." Embry wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed.

Jared and Embry laughed while I wiggled out of his grasp and announced, "I would hate to take the love of chauffeuring me around away from all of you." I headed towards the kitchen in hopes of seeing Emily.

I found Emily and Sam sitting at the table working on a list. "Hi guys, how was your day?"

In unison they replied, "Hi."

Emily had a huge smile on her face, "We're working on the plans for the wedding. Would you be interested in going dress shopping with me?"

I could help but mirror her smile, "Absolutely." I sat down with them and discussed everything that they envisioned for their day. It was wonderful to plan for such an exciting event.

About eight o'clock I heard a lot of the guys come through the front door. Sam excused himself and headed towards the living room. Emily and I continued to discuss how she wanted her wedding.

It wasn't long before, Sam asked if I would come into the living room to help organize the roof project tomorrow. The whole pack was there except for Leah. I decided to sit between Paul and Jared on the couch. Jared's big smile was so cute. I wanted to giggle at his reaction. Paul gave me his signature smirk.

Sam had clearly planned out the entire project some time during the past few weeks. A trash dumpster and shingles were delivered today and he had picked up the other supplies earlier. I didn't want to be seen as the one that would be making lemonade while they worked but to be right next to them.

"Let's meet at Kim's house about seven so we can get the roof completely cleared and a few boards replaced. Hopefully, we can get the plywood that needs replaced down before we run out of sunlight."

Quil moaned, "seven?"

"Yes and bring your tools. Alright that's it." Sam replied sternly and headed back to the kitchen.

Paul nudged me with his elbow, "All of us beats just the two of us working on it. That roof will be done in two days."

I slightly laughed, "I am kind of relieved that Sam knows what he is doing. I was sure I would somehow screw it up on my own." He got up and sat with Embry on the floor to play Halo.

Jared grabbed my hand, "You will never ever be alone again."

I smiled up at him then a huge yawn left my lips.

"Oh, sorry. I am so tired today."

He just smirked at me then without warning bend down and grabbed my feet. He flipped them up onto his lap which pretty much made me lay down on the couch with my feet resting on him.

I yelped and everyone laughed. Quil threw a pillow at me. "Hey, what was that for?"

Jared laughed a little, "It was for you to lie down."

I gave him a little smile and used the pillow from Quil for my head and kept my feet on his lap.

He smiled and began lightly rubbing my feet that felt heavenly. In fact, every time Jared touched me it felt heavenly.

It wasn't long before, I drifted off to sleep.

I was startled awake when I felt something heavy drop onto my bed. Bolting up in the bed, I found Paul laughing next to me.

"You're a jerk!" quickly laying down and hiding under the covers.

"Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy" Paul sang in my ear while pulling the covers from me.

I sat back up, "Are you always this annoying in the morning?"

"Only if it's you," Paul smirked at me.

"UGGG! Fine, I'll get up just leave me alone!"

Paul left while laughing all the way out the door.

After a great breakfast made my Emily everyone was now headed to my house.

Sam had even made a task list and a schedule. It felt great to know he was so on top of things but it make me realize how clueless I was at what needed to be done.

Luckily, the dumpster was pulled right up to the house so everything could be tossed right in it from the roof. I was climbing the ladder with my roofer shovel when Jared grabbed my arm.

"What are you doing?" His voice was strained.

"Uh?" I didn't understand. We were here to work on the roof.

"Kim, we got this. You can be the runner. You can get anything we need okay?"

I was instantly annoyed, "No, you can be the runner. Anything I need you can get." I tugged my arm from his grasp and started climbing again.

I heard Paul yell to Jared, "I told you so!"

We were making great progress when I felt someone right behind me. Not to my surprise Jared was there, obviously ready to grab me if I started to fall.

He must have figured out that I knew what he was doing because he gave me an apologetic smile.

By lunch time, we had the roof cleared of the old shingles. Pizza was called and Sam was inspecting the plywood deciding which ones needed replaced.

We were all scattered around the yard that Seth had cut for me Monday. I was eating my pizza with Embry and Seth under the oak out front when Jared sat down next to me.

He cleared his throat, "Sorry about earlier."

I gave him a small smile, "Thanks." To reassure him I wasn't mad I gave him a side hug. I could felt his shoulders relax under my arms. My body just seemed to hum around him. I wasn't ready for a relationship but I wanted to wrap myself around him and enjoy the feelings of calm and safety there. How was I going to be able to resist doing just that until I was ready?

"Um Kim, I wanted to ask you if…um…you would come over to my house for ….um…dinner this Friday? I know…I know you said you're not ready for anything but my mom…um…really wants you to come over. I..I mean I want you too but I don't to push you but my mom and dad…" He voice was rushed and it trailed off at the end. His nervousness was palpable and I almost felt bad for him. I had to put him out of his misery.

"Sure. I work Friday though."

He sat up, "I'll pick you up! If that's okay?"

I nodded and gave him a smile. However, inside I was kind of freaking out. Dinner with his parents!

The day was exhausting but the only thing left were the shingles tomorrow and some flashing. The guys pace was impressive and it felt great to let go of worrying about the roof.

After stuffing myself with Emily's huge dinner, I fell asleep on the couch again.

.

I was almost giddy with excitement that it would be finished today. Three years! I ran down the stairs happy to get the last bits done.

Emily was sitting on Sam's lap as he whispered in her ear. Their love for each other was so evident to everyone. They both greeted and smiled at me as I got my bagel and coffee then headed out to the porch. As I swung back and forth I couldn't help but daydream that maybe someday that would be Jared and I. Well, I guess I could have it now but I just wouldn't be able to enjoy the moment if my head kept pushing those negative thoughts. I forced myself to think about how everyone helping with the roof as their way of showing me love.

Movement to my right caught my eye, Embry was emerging from the trees looking very warily and headed my way.

"Hi," I called but he didn't respond except for a pitifully sad face with his bottom lip pushed out.

He climbed the front porch and headed towards the swing. I scooted over to give him room but he had other plans. He plopped his body across mine to lay on the swing.  
"UGGG! EMBRY!" I smacked his butt trying to get him to move. He continued to ignore me and my legs began losing circulation.

"GET OFF ME, YOU MOOSE!" He only shifted to get more comfy much to my unhappiness.  
Using all my strength, I tried to shove him off. He kind of giggled at my sad attempt.  
"I think I am dying! My legs will be amputated due to blood loss!" I huffed.. I pulled out my guarantee to help.  
"SAM! HELP EMBRY IS HURTING ME!" I smiled waiting for Sam's appearance.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

It took only seconds before the screen door slammed open and for Embry to jump up. I couldn't help but laugh.

Sam's frustrated growl sobered me a bit, "What the hell is going on?"

"Embry was squishing me and he wouldn't get up."

Sam looked to Embry with a hard stare that was enough for him to shrivel into the seat next to me on the swing.

Sam turned to go back inside, "We're leaving in fifteen minutes."

"I am exhausted you know." Embry whined.

I leaned into him which in turn he did to me.

"Why are you so tired? Didn't you sleep last night?"

He laid his head on mine, "No, Paul and I had patrol. He went home but I want to help out today."

I huffed out a breath, "You won't be much help if you fall off the roof because you fell asleep."

"But brothers are there for their sisters. I won't be able to sleep knowing everyone else is helping."

I shook my head. How could someone ask for better brothers? They had been nothing but wonderful to me.

"How about if you sleep on my bed while we work? It will probably be loud with all the banging but when you wake up you can help."

He reply was weak, "okay."

When we arrived, Jared was already on the roof putting in the last few nails on the felt. I felt guilty, _of course_, that he was working on the roof of my house and I wasn't even here to help. Yet, a little voice silently whispered that he was doing it because he loved me. I smiled at that thought and let myself be happy about it.

Sam hopped out of his truck calling to him, "Hey Jared! Couldn't you wait?"

He stood up and smiled down at us, "There's a storm headed this way. It probably won't move in until this afternoon but I thought it wouldn't hurt to get started a little early. I want you to check what we have already done to make sure it's correct." He called down.

The overcast skies that I thought would be a nice break from the hot sun now had me worried. I pulled Embry into the house and forced him into my old bed then rushed back outside. The others besides Paul had shown up in the meantime and were discussing where they wanted to start. I joined their circle while Sam explaining how to tar the flashing to make sure there won't be leaks around the fireplace.

All of the guys were tall and huge but standing there made me feel incredibly little in comparison. No wonder everyone was intimidated by them. Once Sam had finished his explanation, everyone turned to do their job that he must have assigned before I got back out.

"Sam, what am I supposed to do?" I called after him.

I felt Jared slightly behind me, "You're with me. If that's okay?" His voice got softer when he asked.

I think my heart fluttered when he spoke, he looked so hot with no shirt on and his hair a mess from working. Yesterday, I was so tired and dirty that I barely had my eyes open towards the end. Today, I got to see Jared looking a little rough from working early this morning when we weren't here. My school daydreams didn't include this body and what a mistake that was. I actually, think I blushed.

Being friends wasn't going to be easy if I started to fantasize about him holding me in his arms.

I swallowed and smiled, "What's our job?"

He smiled back, "We are going to begin doing the shingles on the back while they do the flashing around the fireplace and do the front."

Jared and I seemed to synchronize around each other. We anticipated each other moves and positions. We were hammering down our fourth row when Embry popped up next to us.

"Do you HAVE to hammer so hard?" His voice was tired but obviously joking.

Jared had a quick retort, "No, we only hammered that way over the spot where Kim's room is."

Embry choose to stick his tongue out and head back down the ladder. Soon, Embry, Jared and I were working together. It didn't take long before my arms felt like rubber so I began throwing shingles down into place for them to hammer. It quicken our pace.

Paul showed up after sleeping to help out. The job seemed to pick up speed as we finished about noon.

We stood back from the house to take a look at our work.

Three years. Completely by surprise I began to cry. Three years of this constant feeling of panic that the roof would cave in someday was gone. The tarps were in the dumpster. I felt someone wrap themselves around me. Instantly I knew it was Jared, he felt so different than the others. He made me feel cocooned inside his safe and loving arms. I loved the feeling and I loved Jared.

My mind quickly left the roof in the wake of my feelings for Jared. Overwhelmed is the only way to describe it. The rest of me felt small in comparison to my feelings. That little voice kept me telling me to pull back and be careful but it felt so right.

He began rubbing my back and whispering to me, "Kim, it's done. You don't have to worry anymore. Your house is safe. You're safe."

I forced myself to calm and I reluctantly pulled back. I wiped my eyes and noticed that everyone else was cleaning up the last bits of our trash and putting tools in their cars.

I gave Jared a smile, "It sucks crying all the time. I feel like an overly emotional girl these days."

"It's …um… the imprint." Jared looked embarrassed.

"What?" I was confused.

He looked down, "Billy told me that if we… uh…aren't….," he blew out a breath, "together then we… um are going to…uh… be easily upset and stuff." He looked towards the trees. "You know… kind of emotional."

I heard Quil snicker. I looked over in time to see Embry punch his arm. Sam didn't look too happy either. Then Paul, Seth, and Jacob quickly scattered looking like they might start laughing. Again, I felt like I was missing something because of everyone's reaction.

I figured I could get it out of Paul or Emily later so I decided to drop it.

We all headed to Sue's for lunch; picking Emily up from work along the way.

Luckily, the diner was fairly empty since it was almost three by the time we got there. So the guys loud behavior was tolerated. I was so hungry and dirty. A shower and a nap in that order were the only plans I had for the rest of the day.

"Kim, you can drive back to Sam's," Paul held his keys out to me.

I must have looked pretty pitiful because Jared interjected before I did.

"Paul have you looked at her eyes? She's so tired that I think her eyes are beginning to cross."

"Fine." Paul put his arms around my shoulders and pulled me to his truck. When I got in the drivers side, Jared was already in. I scooted over towards the middle. I laid my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. Falling asleep in the shower would be a real possibility.

Paul was chuckling when I felt him push me onto Jared. My exhaustion won and he became my comfy pillow.

When the truck stopped I jerked awake and let Jared pull me from the cab. Without a word, I headed to the shower. The water woke me up a bit but I began rushing so I could get in bed as soon as possible.

I woke up about nine but my body was still exhausted. It felt heavy and I didn't have enough energy to move. Laying there I couldn't hear the usual banter of the guys as they watched some sports show or playing the Xbox. The television was on but the volume was low.

My bladder finally forced me up, a felt a chill run through my body so I pulled Sam's sweatshirt on. After satisfying my needs, I found Emily sitting on the couch by herself watching television.

"Hi Em." I smiled and sat down next to her.

"How are you feeling sleepy head?" She joked me.

"Like I could go back to sleep."

She lightly laughed, "well, you obviously needed that."

"Where is everyone?" I looked around the room half expecting someone to popped out from hiding.

"Sam and Seth have patrol and I made the others go home or where ever. You and I never get alone time and especially the control of the remote." She waved it back and forth.

My grin got bigger, "What do you want to watch?"

Emily looked like she was concentrating then smiled, "I have no idea."

We both ended up laughing. She soon found a home decorating show that we both enjoyed. When the show finished I remembered what I had wanted to ask her or Paul from earlier.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Emily turned in her seat to look at me, "Of course, sweetie. What's up?"

"Today when we finished the roof I got really emotional. Three years I have been stressing over that roof and now I'll never have to again. I started to cry and _again _my emotions were getting away from me. When I told Jared that I was crying all the time like an emotional little girl, he told me it was the imprint. Supposedly, Billy said that we both would be since we weren't together. But we have been together lately. Everyone was laughing but no one told me why."

Emily sighed, "Sam's not going to be happy about this but he doesn't need to know that I told you."

"Tell me what?"

"First, do me a favor and not tell any of the guys I told you? I have a feeling you wouldn't want to any ways but Sam will be unhappy with me. However, you have a right to know especially since everyone else knows and it involves you."

"Okay," my curiousness was heightened now.

"Well, you know about the imprint. It's true that Jared will be anything you need him to be. Meaning he'll be your friend, brother, or whatever you want. He just needs to be in your life and make sure you are safe and happy.

According to the legends, imprinting can occur at all ages but it's never been recorded to have occurred between a wolf and a woman that has gone through menopause or a woman that has had children with another man. That doesn't mean it couldn't happen but it hasn't so far because look at poor Leah. That wasn't supposed to happen but it did. It has been the elders belief that an imprint is born with the match to the wolf. So ultminately they feel the two are made to have children together. If an imprint was very young then the wolf would feel very protective and like a best friend. When she reached old enough those feelings would change. Plus, they believe that a match is the balance to the other. For example, Sam has a very authoritative and serious nature. I am not his complete opposite because we would be too different to truly match. However, I am able to pull Sam to be less of those when he should and more his age. SO if I am his balance and his match then being together calms our souls and makes us feel content, safe, and happy. When we are together, _together_ our souls become one and… well I just can't describe it. _Emily started to blush_. It's like everything fades away and…and…there is only one of you. The peace and it's like your heart is satisfied for the first time ever. It's indescribable. According to the elders if the imprints never make that…um…connection or imprint on each then overtime they both become emotionally sensitive though it doesn't get stronger over time. So that's what he means."

I think my mouth had almost hit the couch. Did she just say what I think she said?

Emily smile was kind of a grimace.

"Did you just say I would be emotional until Jared and I… ya know?"

She continued to grimace and nodded her head.

**Thanks for all the support. I may change to one update a week. I am trying to work through some writers block so I am not making the process I like. However, it will depend on my work throughout the week. **

**Thanks again for the reviews, alerts, and favorites.**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Emily didn't want me to tell Sam that she had told me but he had to have an idea we had talked about something serious by the way she volunteered to drive me to work. His face clearly indicated that he knew something was up.

Almost immediately, she bombarded me. Obviously, she had been thinking about it all night just like me.

"So um… you didn't really… uh say anything last night."

I sighed, "Em, this is really embarrassing."

She snort laughed, "Would you prefer to talk to Paul or Jared?"

I returned her laughed, "Hell no!"

"So?"

I sighed again, "Will I get even more sensitive the longer Jared and I don't?"

She genuinely smiled while watching the road, "No, you're not as emotional as you think you are though. Your life has been on a crazy train so you're going to be this way probably regardless of the imprint."

"Yea, I guess you're right. So I'll just be more emotional?"

"Well, according to the legends and stories you'll have a need to be near each other but it won't really help with the emotional part. You'll probably notice that even the thought of being with someone other than Jared unappealing."

I snort.

Emily turned to me, "What does that mean?"

_Oh crap_.

"Come on. What does that mean?"

"It means I don't think I have ever had feelings for anyone BUT Jared."

"Really?" Her voice clearly indicated that she was quite curious.

"Yes, since my freshman year I have had this crush on him. It was weird because it just seemed to grow over time. It's not like we were even friendly to each other either."

"Wow, I'll need to journal all of this. You must have felt the pull even before he phased."

I shrugged.

"I wonder if the guys have ever felt anything like that."

We were quiet when we finally passed over the border into Forks.

I had to ask even though I knew the answer, "Do all the guys know about…. Um…. If Jared and I are not _together_?"

"Yea, Sam and Embry are not too happy about it. Paul particularly thought it was hysterical when Billy told them. Poor Jared has gotten some shit from those guys. Plus their harassment will only get worse. "

"What will get worse?"

She blew out a breath, "If or _when_ Jared and you decide to then the whole pack will know."

"How?"

"Well, when you finally join together your scent will change. It will include Jared's afterwards forever. The guys will notice right away."

"Uggg! Emily!" I whined.

It was her turn to shrug. Suddenly I recalled I was having dinner with Jared's parents tonight.

"Emily, do Mr. & Mrs. Cameron know about all of this?" My voice was rushed with a slight panic.

She laughed, "No, they only know about Jared turning into a wolf and an imprint is a soul mate. Don't worry, that secret is not going to be revealed to anyone outside of the immediate pack."

I smiled a little in relief when Emily pulled up in front of the store.

.

As I worked I couldn't help but think about what Emily had told me. I am certain that I love Jared and was slowly trying to comprehend and accept that he really did feel that way about me. However, this information was intense.

I could feel myself getting stressed over the thought of actually being in a relationship with Jared. For years, daydreaming of that was so farfetched at the time that I never gave it a thought it could come true. I lived my life in the stories I read and fantasied with Jared. He was my Mr. Darcy and I felt safe with him there. I know I need to find a way to allow myself to begin bringing him closer without my feelings becoming overwhelmed.

Again, I could feel when Jared came to pick me up. It was so weird to think we could feel each other like this. I wonder if Jared and I do become intimate will I continue to feel his presence or will it get more intense.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

I walked out to find Jared again waiting by his car. Damn, he is gorgeous. I certainly couldn't complain that my soul mate wasn't a package deal.

This was going to be so weird. His mom had been a little pushy at the bonfire that night but it was more overly friendly than anything. At least, I was guaranteed that she wouldn't let the conversation lapse into an awkward silence. During my lunch I had cataloged various topics that were safe to talk about if needed. I was actually curious what the inside of his house looks like; maybe I'll get a glimpse of his bedroom.

Jared met my smile and turned to open my door. On the ride to his house, he asked me about work and I explained how we sort and at times directly give to groups that need items. It was all pretty boring to me but Jared seemed genuinely interested.

Jared's house wasn't a surprise to me. I had seen it plenty of times before while walking around La Push. It was a fairly big ranch house but still quaint with a detached garage just behind it. Having met his mother, a homemaker, I guessed that her house smelled like homemade bread or cookies. She was definitely a force to reckon with but she just gave off the impression that she was a great mom. Jared's dad, a sales rep for a drug company, was the silent, strong type. He had spoken a few words to me at the bonfire but they seemed well thought out and kind.

Mrs. Cameron met us at the door. It was obvious that she was excited that I agreed to dinner. She gushed over me that made me feel a bit uncomfortable but she was so sweet I couldn't help but begin to accept her attention. Jared was just as nervous as me. He kept running his hand through his hair and gently tried to get her to back off some.

Within five minutes of walking in the door, Jared and I were already given a drink. The first four minutes were spent reassuring Mrs. Cameron that I really did just want to drink water.

Mr. Cameron wasn't home from work but was supposedly on his way. It felt so weird. Jared had lived entirely different life than me. He had everything that I had always wished for. It made me wonder how I would have been different if I had had both parents. I knew I needed to drop that line of thought or I would begin to panic.

We were having steak, mashed potatoes and sautéed spinach. I had steak only a few occasions and knew it was expensive. Why would they spend all that money on a meal with me? I hope I don't look like a slob in front of them. I offered to help but she declined and insisted the Jared show me around.

"Come on." Jared gave me a small smile.

"Okay." We put our drinks on the dining room table and started down the hall. He pointed out all of the rooms and their use.

His mother kept a clean home but luckily it didn't feel sterile. His room was kind of messy but definitely not disgusting. Even underneath all the clothes on the floor and the unmade bed it was clean.

The walls were a light blue with posters of Seattle's pro-teams. His desk was fairly barren with a few random items thrown on top. A dark blue with a white racing stripe comforter was at the bottom of the queen bed. As soon as he stepped foot inside he started cleaning it up.

"Oh sorry, I meant to clean it up a bit but I kind of forgot. My mom would be cranky if she saw this." He was rushing around and throwing everything in a laundry basket at the bottom of his closet. The comforter was half-hazard thrown into place.

"It's fine. It's not so bad." After his whirlwind of a clean-up he was still looking around for anything that he may of missed. It kind of made me feel special that he would be so concerned what I thought.

I walked over to his desk and looked at the title of the book lying on top. I've always felt that finding out what others read is an interesting way of finding a little about them.

I grinned at the title The World Until Yesterday: What Can We Learn from Traditional Societies? by Jarrod Diamond. A complete surprise for someone like him.

I held up the book, "This is an interesting choice." It actually made me a little happy that he would read something with that much depth.

He grimaced and looked down, "Well, it sounded a bit…um…like it would … ya know…. help me learn something about our people."

I hoped he didn't think I was making fun of him, "I've read one of his other books, Germs, Guns, and Steel. Someone had dropped it off at work and I couldn't resist the title."

That seemed to perk him up a bit, "really?"

"Yes, it was really interesting. I was surprised that I was actually hooked the first few chapters in. I could lend it to you when you're done."

His smile could light up the room and I couldn't help but return. Just then, Mr. Cameron stuck his head in to say hello.

"Hi, Kim. It's good to see you again." His smile was genuine and I tried to not get suddenly nervous.

I smiled back, "Thanks, it's good to see you again too."

"Dinner is ready. I am just going to change and we'll eat."

Jared and I headed back towards the kitchen. Just as we walked in his mother was coming back in from the back porch carrying a platter with steaks piled on top.

"Here Mom." Jared grabbed the platter and took it to the table. _Oh crap_, this was going to be hard. I quickly began running through the topics that I had thought of earlier.

Mrs. Cameron was transferring the mash potatoes into a large bowl. I walked over hoping I could do something. I hated just standing around.

"Here, I'll do that." She smiled at me and handed me the spoon.

"Thanks sweetie, I'll get the spinach." She turned and began working on something else.

Soon we were all seated around the table with Jared's dad at the head and his mother to his right. Mrs. Cameron insisted that I sit on Mr. Cameron's left with Jared next to me.

Everything smelled so good. I don't think I had ever eaten a nicer meal. If I could afford to cook like this then I wouldn't bother eating out. Everyone grabbed the spoons and forks and began serving themselves. I followed their lead but didn't feel comfortable taking steak. They were huge and so expensive. Venison steak is NOT beef steak and I could clearly smell the difference.

Jared bumped my elbow, "Aren't you going to have some steak?"

I didn't want to offend them, "I couldn't possibly eat all of that; their too expensive to waste for leftovers."

He rolled his eyes then using the serving fork plopped a large one on my plate.

"I'll never be able to eat all of that." I said that incredulously.

Mrs. Cameron intervened, "Kim, don't worry. Just eat what you can and we'll save the rest for tomorrow. I usually make steak fajitas the next day with the leftovers."

I smiled at her, "Do you mind if I cut it in half now?"

She smiled, "Of course not."

I proceeded to cut it in half but when I went to put it back on the platter Jared grabbed my arm to drop it on his plate.

I looked at him shocked. He already had two steaks on his plate and now was going to eat half of mine.

"What? I'm hungry." His parents gave an amused laugh.

Mr. Cameron cleared his throat, "Jared when aren't you hungry?"

Jared smiled, "Good point."

"How do you like working at Goodwill? Are the people nice?" Mrs. Cameron asked.

"The people are very nice. They are older but so kind to me. The work is easy and it's interesting to see what we get sometimes."

"I was ecstatic with the clothes Jared brought home when he took you in a while back. He had grown out of his old clothes when he phased. I had bought him new ones but he shredded almost all of those. He was down to three pairs of shorts. I couldn't believe the quality of the ones he bought. Almost all of them were name brands."

Mr. Cameron chuckled, "I was ecstatic that I wasn't paying a lot of money to clothes that have a good chance of getting ripped to shreds."

Jared's mom chimed in again, "Even though I now have gray hair due to Jared phasing in my kitchen, I am ecstatic that I got a new one." I couldn't help but give a small giggle at her comment.

"Mom," Jared whined.

"What? It's true. I thought I had lost my mind and my baby all in the same moment."

"Patty, Jared hasn't been a baby in seventeen years."

She glared at him, "Thomas, he will always be my baby. He just gets a little furry sometimes." She giggled at her own words. Mr. Cameron and I joined in.

Jared groaned, "Why do you guys insist on laughing at me being a shape shifter?"

Mr. Cameron cleared his throat, "It's our way of dealing with our son being able to shape shift into a wolf and fighting against the demons of our world. You know we love you but we worry about you." He looked to me, "All of you."

Instantly, I felt embarrassed and looked down eating quietly. Jared's grasped my left hand that was on my thigh and squeezed.

"Mom, do you think we could donate my old clothes? I could drive Kim to work tomorrow and drop them off."

"That's a great idea. I need to go through some of my old clothes and donate them as well. Of course, I won't be able to do that before tomorrow." She smiled at him.

"Jared, I taped the new Game of Thornes for you." Jared dad changed the subject.

"Oh good," he looked at me. "My dad and I usually watch it together but since I've phased it's been hard for us to. Have you ever watched it?"

"No, we don't have cable."

The conversation quickly turned to shows that we had all seen. Unfortunately, my knowledge of television is very limited. I didn't have time for television or music. Cable and buying new music cost money and that wasn't something I would willingly want to spend money on. I read the books that people dropped off at work or I got it from the library. The music I bought using my old CD player was what I could get from work as well.

I couldn't believe how delicious everything was. The steak seemed to melt in my mouth. I couldn't help but completely clean my plate. Mrs. Cameron definitely knew how to cook. The potatoes were so creamy and tasty. She told me that it was a recipe from her grandmother that included cream cheese.

The four of us worked together to clean the dishes and clear the table. With all of us working together it was done quickly.

"Jared, before you take Kim home could help me change the front tire on your mom's car. It's got a slow leak and I want to take it in tomorrow to get it resealed." Mr. Cameron asked.

"Sure, Dad. Kim when I'm done I'll take you over to Sam's okay?"

"Okay."

Jared and his dad headed out the front door to obviously take care of the tire.

"Come on Kim, let's sit in the living room while we wait." _Oh Shit._

**I have worked through some of the writers block so at least for now I'll continue to update every Wednesday and Sunday.**

**I have never worked or know anyone who has worked for Goodwill therefore I may be completely wrong how they work. So please don't hold me to anything that I may of missed represented.**

**Thank you to all of the reviews, PMs, alerts, and favorites.**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

I sat down on the couch and Mrs. Cameron took the sit to the right of me.

"Kim, Thomas and I don't know how to say thank you because you have given us something we can never repay. As you are well aware, Jared wasn't exactly the nicest young man. We mistakenly spoiled our only child and let him run the house. His attitude was a perfect example of that.

When Jared shifted it was a nightmare and a blessing. It terrifies us that he is fighting vampires and whatever else to protect us but a blessing that he got to realize what he had become. It forced him to grow up and become a man. He changed a lot when it first happened. His world exploded beyond this little reservation but when he imprinted on you ….well he had to deal with the truth of what he had done in the past. When he told us about what had happened we were upset with his behavior before but when we found out what he had done to you….words can't express my anger. I was mad at myself and at him." She sighed.

"He was so lost and it broke my heart as a mother but I knew deep down that this was something that he needed to deal with on his own. Thomas suggested volunteering to occupy his time and to gain a better perspective on what others not privileged deal with every day." I could only keep a straight face but I was reeling over everything she said. Jared had pretty much told me the same.

She chuckled a little, "The poor boy has been through so much these past few months but he needed every moment." She sighed again, "Thank you for forgiving him. He's been so scared that you wouldn't even with the pull of the imprint. Thomas and I know that you don't know us but we would like to be a part of your life as well. We don't want to be pushy but understand we will be here for you." Her smile was so genuine that I couldn't help but return it. My mind was overwhelmed and not sure how to process what she had told me. I shouldn't be surprised but at the same time I was feeling uncomfortable. Again someone was trying to care for me and I was still having problems accepting it.

"Come with me, I got something that I think you'll enjoy." I followed her into what Jared had called her craft room. On one of the shelves, she pulled down a large photo album. "I couldn't let you leave before I show you something to embarrass him."

She laid down the album on a large work table and opened it up to Jared's toddler pictures. I couldn't help the giggle that left my lips. He was adorable. Huge eyes, floppy hair, and a big grin were dominate in every picture. In one, a large puppy was tackling him while licking his face and another with him covered in mud and holding a just as dirty stuffed bear.

"Mom?" Jared called walking in.

Mrs. Cameron began laughing then whispered, "I am going to enjoy this." She yelled, "Back here Jared!"

As he walked in the door she turned to a picture of him in the bathtub. I couldn't help but laugh. The picture was of him lying naked on his belly with his butt pushing through the soapy water and his head soaped up in a Mohawk. Mrs. Cameron's huge grin made me laugh as well.

He came up behind us, "What are you guys….MOM!"

Mrs. Cameron and I couldn't keep our laughs within reason now. Jared snatched the album from the desk; closed it and put it back on the shelf.

"Enough show and tell mom; Kim and I need to go. Right now."

"No no Jared, I still need to show her the pictures from potty training. Remember the Cheerios?"

My laughing only continued. Mrs. Cameron was completely enjoying Jared's reaction.

Jared whined, "Mom, don't do this to me. I am trying for Kim to like me not laugh at me."

I sobered at bit at his comment and felt kind of bad for him. I hugged his arm, "Don't worry Jared I still like you but do you still take baths and what did your mom mean by potty training and Cheerios?"

Mrs. Cameron laughed and started heading out just as I heard Mr. Cameron come back through the front door.

Jared shook his head, "you and my mom are not a good combination. You enjoyed that just as much as her."

I laughed again, "Yea, I did."

We turned and walked out towards the living room where Mr. Cameron was clearly laughing after being told what had happened.

"I am going to head over Sam's to take Kim back. I might be a while. We are going to challenge that team from New York in Halo tonight."

I spoke up, "Thank you again for dinner Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, I think that was one of the best meals I've ever had."

Mrs. Cameron's face seemed to falter for a second before giving me another smile. She moved forward and gave me a hug. It was like she was pouring all of her love into it. I felt enveloped in it.

She pulled back but didn't let you, "Please call us Patty and Thomas, your family now and we are so happy that you came. We hope you'll be back very soon." I nodded my head and smiled. I was trying so hard not to show how emotional I was becoming.

Mr. Cameron gave me a hug as well. "Please come over again. Next time, we'll have a slide show of Jared's early, awkward years of puberty."

"DAD!" Jared grabbed my hand, "We're leaving! BYE!" He pulled me out the door.

The entire ride back to Sams included Jared apologizing for his parents. I wish he understood that by making fun of him actually helped me feel relaxed and less pressured about being there. I wouldn't mind seeing more pictures of him as a little boy. He was so cute.

We walked in to find all of the guys huddled around the television playing Halo. Emily was in the kitchen so I headed in to catch up with her.

I was helping her spoon some cookies onto a sheet when Sam came into the kitchen.

"How was your dinner with the Camerons?"

"Good, we had steak. I've never had good piece of beef steak before. It was delicious. They were very nice."

"Great, I know she called Emily to make sure that you would like what she was making for dinner."

I glanced at Emily, who nodded her head.

Sam cleared his throat, "While you were at work your mom called."

I froze. I hadn't seen or heard from her in over a month. I knew that she wasn't allowed to have contact for 28 days but I was still shocked. I had figuratively avoided my mother and everything I had gone through with her.

"What did she want?" My voice was so quiet that I was surprised that even Sam heard me.

"She wanted to talk to you and see how you were. She also, wanted to know if you would come to a family meeting."

"What's a family meeting?"

"She explained that it is your time to let out all the times that her alcoholism affected your life. It's time for you to confront her."

"Oh. When?"

"She is going to call Sunday. I told her that you were working tomorrow. I guess she is only allowed to talk at specific times during the day. I think she is going to talk to you about it then."

"Thanks Sam." I started to spoon more dough onto the sheet but losing steam. Sam gave me a hug from behind and headed back to the living room.

"Are you okay?" Emily came over to stand next to me.

I shrugged.

"Do you want to talk to about it?"

I shrugged again and shook my head. What would I talk about?

She gave me a side hug and continued with her batter.

When I finished the sheet I put it in the stove. "I think I'm going to take a break."


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

I left the kitchen and headed out the front door. I didn't want to fight with anyone about going alone. However, this was truly a time that I needed for myself.

Before I walked through the doorway I heard Quil yell, "Yo Kim, where are you headed?"

I turned a little, "No where." And I continued moving.

My mind was blank. If the imprint was making me more emotional then I needed to put some distance between me and the house before I started to process my feelings about my mom.

I walked in a daze. Before realizing it, I was almost to my house. I guess it was a bit symbolic that I would return to the scene of the_… crime? _After everything that I had missed out on with my brothers and having friends maybe it was a crime. I missed my youth because I was too busy being an adult and pulling my drunk mother off of the floor.

When I reached the mailbox I automatically opened it looking for the latest bill that I was positive would be there. It was a habit that I had grown accustomed to over the years. I almost felt confused to find it empty. I continued down the driveway. Closing my eyes,I walked slowly and completely by memory. I seemed to sense when the house came into view.

I opened my eyes to the familiar sight of the house. The blue tarps that had adorned my house for three years were gone and I had a weird sense of sadness at their loss. But my mind was blank with emotion; it was like I was pulled back to those sad, lonely days were feeling meant pain.

Reaching the front door, I pulled the hidden key from under the empty flower pot. The house was dark and quiet. It never really felt like home after my grandfather dying but now after living at Sam's it was just a place I lived.

I walked through the house looking in each room. I am not sure what I was expecting to find or wanted to find but it wasn't here. Pushing open the door to my mom's room, I was almost surprised to find it clean. The last time I had been in the room was before the attack and it was a mess. Had my mom cleaned it? I don't think she had cleaned the house in the last three years of taking care of her. Turning around, I headed back to the bathroom. Friday, I should be cleaning it and starting the laundry. Looking in the bathroom, I had to blow out a breath telling myself not to get under the sink to begin. My feelings were just numb. I felt no feelings what so ever for this place. I just maintained it. There was no love.

Moving back to the front of the house, I noticed that it was getting very dark in the house. It almost seemed appropriate. Sitting down on the couch, I sat for several minutes letting all the memories of struggling and being scared flood my brain but it was like I was watching a movie. It wasn't emotional and I seemed to keep my feelings at bay. Then I had a sudden sense that I didn't want to be here anymore. Getting up, I decided to head back to Sam's before it got too dark.

Standing back up from replacing the key, I felt someone behind me.

"OH!" Paul was leaning against the front door.

"Hi, come here often?"

"Creep up on people often." I retorted.

He mocked that he was thinking then kind of giggled, "Yea, I do actually. You have no idea what some people do in the forest when they think now one is watching."

"Yew, I don't want to know."

He smirked, "We all love scaring the crap out of them though."

My feelings were still kind of numb so I could only give him a smile.

He put his arm around my shoulders and we started back down the driveway. We didn't talk for a long time and just enjoyed the summer breeze and lazy walk.

About half way to Sam's house Paul asked, "Is everything okay?"

My feelings were still kind of numb and I just felt quiet. "Everything is fine. I just wanted to check on the house."

"Everything go okay at Jared's house. Secretly, I think he is freaking out that something went wrong."

Crap, I certainly didn't want him to think that. "Everything was great at his house. I don't want him to think that. Right now has nothing to do with that at all."

"It's your mom calling. Isn't it?"

"Yes." My voice was small.

"Want to talk about it?" He squeezed my shoulder a little.

I shook my head. I didn't even want to think about it.

We didn't talk the rest of the way back. I didn't feel pressured to either. When we got back the guys were still surrounding the television and Emily was reading in the chair in the corner.

Paul rejoined them and I headed into the kitchen to make some tea. I needed something warm and maybe do some reading to take my mind off of dealing with my mother.

Jared came in looking terribly awkward. I had to tell him that this had nothing to do with him or having dinner at his parent's house. He obviously didn't know how to ask me about it.

"Jared, I had a nice time at dinner. Your mom is an awesome cook but my favorite part was definitely the photo album." I tried to give him a sweet smile. "My funky mood has nothing to do with that or you. I am just trying to deal with my mom right now."

Jared gave me a sad smile and moved to give me a hug. And bam there goes my hold on my emotions. He wraps me up in his arms and I begin to cry. Tucking my face in his shoulder I let a little of my frustration with myself and my mother release. However, I know that I can't let it all out. I am scared to actually do that it at his point.

I quickly pull back and take deep breaths to regain the hold on my emotions.

"Thanks Jared. I needed that." I give him a watery smile.

"You know I'll do anything you need. You just need to ask." He gives me a sad smile and kisses my forehead.

"I think right now. I need to take a shower. Drink something warm and read a good book."

"I'll pick you up for work in the morning. Okay?"

I nod.

"At eight?"

"Yes." I give him a small hug and head to my room.

I jump in the shower knowing that I need to get rid of the grime that seems to collect on my cloths and body after working all day. However, a sudden wave of exhaustion begins to consume me. I can feel myself slowing and struggling to resist just lying on the floor and let it take me.

Within five minutes of being out of the shower, I am in bed and my body is already drifting asleep.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

I wake up breathing hard and exhausted. Pulling myself from the bed I slowly get dressed and resort to just a pony tail because I don't have the strength to style it.

In the kitchen I find Emily making eggs.

She smiles, "Good morning. Would you like some eggs?"

The thought of eating let alone eggs makes me nauseous. I decide the only thing that I might be able to deal with would be tea.

"No thanks. I don't feel very good. It would be better if I just stick this tea this morning until my stomach settles."

She gives me a concerned look, "okay. Are you sure you want to go to work if you're not feeling well?"

I move to heat some water, "Yes, I'll be fine once I get moving. I am too busy at work to be sick. It will pass."

After making my tea, I note that Jared will be here soon to take me. I feel chilled so I go back to my room to grab my light sweater.

In the short time I have been gone, Sam and Emily are seated and eating.

"I am going to wait for Jared on the front porch. I'll see you guys after work." I give them a weak smile.

Sam's brow pulls together but luckily he doesn't say anything. Emily gives me a sad smile, "One of us will be there at five. Oh, don't you want to take something for lunch?"

Again, the thought of food is so unappealing but I grab an apple and granola bar to placate them.

As I step through the threshold, Jared's car pulls up. I make my way to him and give a smile in greeting.

He gives me a concerned look, "What's wrong?"

Waving him off, "It's nothing. I just don't feel very good this morning. Once I am busy working I won't have time to feel bad." I give him apologetic smile.

He replies with a soft okay.

I lean my head against the seat and doze on the drive to Forks. Jared had the music on low and it makes me drift off some.

Jared nudges me, "Kim, we're here. How about I'll go in and let them know you're sick so won't be in today?"

I perk right up, "No, no, I just need to get moving."

"If you don't feel better give me a call and I'll pick you up early if you need. Oh yea, I didn't bring my old clothes today. My mom wants to go through them first and give some to my cousin first. I am patrolling with Jake tonight so I'll see ya tomorrow."

I smile at him, "that's cool. Thanks for the ride." Grabbing for the door handle I head inside.

What an exhausting day, by lunch time I am too tired to eat so I put the food I brought in my locker to save for next time. I take the half-hour to sit and relax in the big chair in the break room.

I wanted to cry when work day finally ended. My body needed my bed as soon as possible.

I walked out to find Emily waiting for me in her car. I was so happy that it was her. She never pushed me to talk like Paul or make me feel guilty if I didn't like the other guys.

I smiled in relief, "Hi Emily, thanks for picking me up."

"Sure." She started the car and I laid back and closed my eyes.

"Kim sweetie, wake up. We're home."

I opened my eyes and was surprised to see that we were in deed already back.

"Sorry, I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep. I'm going to lie down for a while. Thanks for the ride."

She gave me a concerned look but said nothing.

Walking in, I didn't see anyone which I was happy for and headed straight back to my room. Shoving my shoes off, I sighed when I was able to lie down and slipped asleep quickly.

I awoke when Emily gently nudges my shoulder.

"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?"

I struggle to sit up some and quickly assess how I feel, "Um…okay."

"It's almost nine o'clock. I know you didn't really eat today so I wanted to make sure that you at least ate something descent before you sleep all night."

"Oh, I didn't realize I slept that late." I moved to get up and stretched to loosen the ache in my body.

Emily got up as well, "I'll heat your dinner up for you."

Changing into some yoga pants and a comfy shirt, I found Quil and Paul playing the Xbox with Sam reading some paperwork in a chair.

Emily was pulling a plate of lasagna from the microwave when I walked in.

She smiled, "Perfect timing." She put the plate on the table. Walking over I grabbed a glass of water and silverware and took a seat next to her. She was looking through a book about weddings on a budget.

As I ate we discussed different ideas that we could put together to make the meadow look beautiful but doing it cheaply. By the time, I had finished eating we had a nice plan for simple decorations that would be decorated around the area. We also discussed how we could decorate the house for a reception picnic.

Emily and I took a lot of notes and it was nice to feel like I had escaped the thoughts of my mother for a while. The boys would come in time to time to get food or drinks but luckily left the two of us alone. Around 12 the boys were being kicked out by Sam and insisted we head to bed. I really didn't want to go to sleep and my mind started to race as I lay in bed. Again, I forced myself to bury my feelings and memories. Concentrating on the sounds of the night, I let myself think of Jared and Jake out running patrol. I kept expecting to hear a wolf's howl but it never came.

I woke with a start. It was still really early but I could clearly hear snoring from the down the hall. Someone must be on the couch sleeping. The early morning chill made me quickly run to the bathroom and on the way back I looked in the living room wondering who was making all of the noise.

Jared was spread over the couch with his head hanging off the edge. I don't recall him snoring before but he was practically rattling the roof right now. Smiling at the sight of him, I grabbed a throw blanket and put it over top of him then headed back to my bed.

Lying in bed, I tried to imagine the conversation between my mother and me. We probably hadn't had a real conversation for three years. After alcoholism took over her life, it consisted of me begging for help, her broken promises, crying over loneliness, and her drunken tales. I stressed over the thought of returning to that type of life again. Misery is that only way I can describe life with my mother. It was a cold, lonely, loveless, pit of stress. The thought of being with my mother again was terrifying. I didn't want to leave Sam's. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt safe and wanted. As soon as I was beginning to feel the panic come on, I quickly squished it down and numb my feelings. I use that to fall back asleep, if I am sleeping then I'm not dealing with the pain.


	33. Chapter 33

**Wow- I was so surprised that I gave the impression Kim was phasing. I think much to the disappoint of a lot you - no she isn't. She is just trying to deal with the upcoming conversation with her mother.**

Chapter 33

Around nine, Sam woke me up. I think he thought I was sick because he kept asking me how I felt. The warm shower was wonderful. It felt so good that I was tempted to lay at the bottom of the stall and let the water just run over me. I smiled when I realized that that's what it felt like when Jared hugged me. It was like I was bathed in warmth and safety.

Lately, I felt that I had been slacking with the help around the house so I decided I would spend the day cleaning as much as I could. Emily usually gave me a hard time if I started cleaning saying that I had a lifetime of cleaning ahead of me and I should enjoy letting her. However, she was going to work at noon and wouldn't be home until nine. While dressing I made a mental list of everything that I wanted to accomplish in each room. First, I was going to strip the beds and get the bedding cleaned. Emily won't give me a hard time starting that. She hates having to remake the beds afterwards.

Before leaving my room, I did just that; stripped the bed down even taking the mattress cover. I ran up the steps to Sam and Emily's and do the same to theirs. Carrying the large amount of sheets and stuff, I don't see where I am going when I run into Jared while heading past my room again towards the laundry room.

"Hey." Jared grabs me as I wobble.

"Thanks. Sorry, I didn't see you there." He smiles down at me.

"Here." He takes the large load from me and turns to go towards the laundry room. I pick up a few pillow cases that have fallen in the process and follow him.

He helps me sort the sheets from the mattress covers and I start a load. I know if I start cleaning now then Emily will start to bicker and Sam won't let me clean later.

I give Jared a small smile and a thanks then we head back to the front of the house. As I enter the kitchen Emily calls me over to the table, "After work, I am going to do some shopping. Is there anything that you want or need?"

"No, I can't think of anything. Thanks for asking." I decide to eat a plain bagel. My stomach doesn't feel that good but I don't want any crap for not eating. My mind is reeling of thoughts of having to talk to my mother. I wish I could just close that part of my life and forget about it. I was happy and safe here.

After slowly eating my bagel and talking with Emily, I changed out the laundry and put the second load in. By the time that she left for work the mattress covers and sheets would be done and I could start cleaning the quilts. I was almost happy that I could get time to properly clean Emily and Sam's room and en suite without her getting upset. I knew Sam was going to be outside most of the day working on some deck furniture that he was building. While waiting for Emily to leave I made tortellini soup so that she, Sam and Jared, who was hanging out, had something to eat for lunch.

When Emily finally left, I was so anxious to get cleaning that I started while she was still descending the front porch steps. I ran up the stairs and put the cover back on the mattress and started dusting. I sighed in relief when my hands were busy and my mind could focus on the task.

I was able to work quickly and by four o'clock, I had finished the entire upstairs, living room, dining room, the downstairs bathroom, the spare room next to mine, and even the laundry room. I left the kitchen for last knowing that I could spend a good two hours just in that room. The fridge and oven were in desperate need of a good cleaning.

I had forgotten how therapeutic cleaning was for me. Sharing the responsibility with Emily wasn't like taking it on by myself.

Jared and Sam had left me alone while they worked in the backyard. I had clean out the oven and had just put everything back into the refrigerator. I was looking in the pantry for an idea to start something for dinner when the phone rang. I stood frozen. I couldn't move. The back screen door opened and shut, Sam hurried in and grabbed the phone from the cradle.

"Hello." His eyes looked over at me and strained.

"Yes, please hold on I'll go get her." His eyes softened and put the phone to his shoulder, "It's your mom, Kim."

I swallowed and nodded, "okay." I slowly walked over to him and took the phone.

Turning away from him and Jared, who was standing in the door way.

"Hello."

"Kim, honey it's so nice to hear your voice. I have been worried about you. Everything at Sam's okay?"

Tears prickled my eyes, "yes."

"I'm sure he told you I called Friday when you were at work. He and Emily have been a blessing. I am so happy that you have them in your life now."

"Yes, they have been." I think she was waiting for me to elaborate but I felt like I was talking to a stranger.

"Um…Kim, I know I have hurt you beyond words and you've had to deal with everything I have done or failed to do on your own. However, I am hoping that you would be willing to come and have a meeting with me and my sponsor. Uh…do you think you could?"

This wasn't a surprise, Sam had told me about this but I felt unprepared. I took in a deep breath and blew it out and rolled my eyes to the ceiling. I didn't want to start crying on the phone. "Okay."

"Oh thank you Kim, is Tuesday at one o'clock okay?"

My breathing was labored but I hoped she couldn't hear it. "I…I…needed to see if I can get a ride."

"Honey, can you ask Sam?"

I put the phone on my shoulder, "Sam can you take me to see my mother on Tuesday?"

Sam gave me a sad smile, "Emily, the elders and I have a meeting with the Federal Department of Indian Affairs Tuesday." He looked over at Jared, "Maybe Jared could take you."

He moved forward, "I'd be happy to take you if you wouldn't mind."

I gave him a small, grateful smile and nodded my head then picked up the phone again, "I can be there."

I heard my mom blow out a breath, "Thank you. Sam has the address. Unfortunately, I have to go but I'll see you Tuesday, right?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. See then. Bye Kim."

"Bye" I quickly hung up. I was faced away from Sam and Jared. They were obviously waiting for me to talk.

But I took a deep breath and just stood there. Numb. I had forced the tears that had threatened to disappear. It felt awkward and cold.

I gasped when Jared was suddenly in front of me and grabbed me into a hug but I kept it inside. I was so afraid to let it out. Jared must have figured it out because he started to tighten his arms around me.

"Come on Kim. Don't hide." His strained voice is what drew it out not his words.

And the dam broke, the whole thing, every single time I was afraid, in pain, alone, hungry, and neglected was let loose. I cried for myself and the sorrow that I had to live that life. The memories began playing in my head and my emotions were beyond my ability to control. It felt like hours that just stood there letting it all out. And Jared just held me as my whole body sobbed, the intensity of my crying began to turn my stomach.

"I'm going to be sick." I broke through my crying. Jared picked me up and quickly took me out to the back porch. He sat down with me on his lap and continued to cradle me in his arms. His kindness just made me cry harder.

The memories began to blend together as I became worn out from crying. But then my sadness turned to anger. I sat up and roughly wiped my eyes. I was pissed. The so-called best years of my life have been spend working to pay bills, taking care of a drunken whore, neglected by everyone, and I was so fucked up that I couldn't even let someone love me. The damage that she caused me will forever plague me.

As with the intensity of the sorrow I was now enraged, I stood up and screamed. Grabbing the wood still piled for the pot belly stove, I began to throw it into the yard. My mind was on fire. I know I was incoherent but I didn't care. I felt Jared grab my shoulders to pull me back but I shoved him off and continued to throw everything I could into the yard. And like a switch again, it just stopped. The anger was gone and I felt exhausted and broken. It was like every single emotion that I had felt in the past few years came flowing out of me all at once. Jared again pulled me back and engulfed me into a hug and I let him. My body felt like it was beginning to shut down. I was so weak and my legs began to give out. Jared pulled me to him tighter and supported me as he walked in back into the house. He took me right back to my room and put me down on the bed. He lied down next to me and I curled my body into him. I needed him and the warmth and safety. Sleep came almost instantly.


End file.
